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seeking advice on bringing up kids
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Anzia View Drop Down
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    Posted: 13 January 2025 at 2:51am

Wa Alaikum Asalaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,

Dear sister,

JazakAllahu Khairan for reaching out with such a heartfelt and sincere question. Raising children in an Islamic way, especially in a non-Muslim country like the UK, comes with unique challenges. Alhamdulillah, there are ways to nurture your daughters in a way that strengthens their faith and values while addressing the concerns you mentioned.

Here are some practical tips:

  1. Model Islamic Values:
    Children often imitate what they see. Demonstrate patience, kindness, and the importance of salah and Quran in your daily life. Use every opportunity to explain the "why" behind Islamic practices.

  2. Set a Routine with Gentle Discipline:
    For issues like responding to requests or bedtime routines, set consistent schedules and explain their benefits. Use gentle reminders and reward positive behavior. Make du'a for ease and patience.

  3. Encourage Focus with Breaks:
    For lack of concentration, consider using age-appropriate study techniques. Break learning into small chunks, involve interactive methods, and limit screen time before study.

  4. Balance Discipline and Freedom:
    If your children engage in something halal but not preferred, gently guide them to better options. Share Islamic stories and lessons that emphasize good character and balance.

  5. Public School Challenges:
    Support their Islamic identity by supplementing public school education with Islamic learning. At MeeM Academia, we offer online Quran and Islamic studies courses tailored to kids of all ages, with flexible timings and engaging methods. Explore these programs at MeeM Academia - Courses.

  6. Motivation and Confidence Building:
    Encourage bravery by praising their efforts rather than outcomes. Share stories of the Prophets and Sahabiyat to inspire courage and resilience. Start small, like rewarding them for trying something new.

Remember, raising children is a journey, and every parent faces challenges. Trust in Allah, make lots of du’a, and seek knowledge to guide your efforts. If you'd like tailored Islamic guidance, feel free to explore the resources available at MeeM Academia.

May Allah (SWT) grant you ease, wisdom, and barakah in your efforts. Ameen.

Wassalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah,
Your sister in Islam

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niqab_ummi View Drop Down
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Points: 159 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote niqab_ummi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2006 at 5:27pm

Assalamu'Alaikum Dear Sisters and umss,

Insha'Allah this helps explain the 3-7's

According to Sunnah you break the childs life down into 3 stages with 3 very specific goals.....

STAGE 1- the first seven years of life are for play, love your children and play with them enjoy them love them and inspire their creativity....

STAGE 2- ages 7-14 "TEACH THEM" thats the most important thing you can do for them help them learn all of the important things about life and their deen....similarly that is why children are supposed to start their daily salat on a regular basis at age 7.......

STAGE 3- ages- 14-21-respect them know that the lessons they've learned have been learned well and now even though you are their parent and know whats best for them you need to have the ability to listen to them and they need to by now have the ability to trust you so that when life plops a problem at their doorstep they will come to you first for advice not their friends and peers.

final stage-age 21 and beyond-LIFE-you've raised Insha'Allah a wonderful muslim/muslimah adult and now it's time for them to start their adult life and take all that you've taught them with them so that they'll be prepared to raise their own family.

Anway's that's the 3'7's rule in a nutshell.....

MasSalaama
Umm Abdelkhalek
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umss View Drop Down
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Points: 4 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote umss Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 December 2006 at 1:43pm

asalam aleikou sister Niqab

thanks for your advice, but could you please give me more explaination on this?

I would have to say go back to the Sunnah and follow the 3-7's rule as a basis or foundation....and build on that.

assalama
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niqab_ummi View Drop Down
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Points: 159 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote niqab_ummi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 December 2006 at 5:54pm

Assalamu'Alaikum Sisters,

Insha'Allah this reaches everyone in the best of Imaan....

I just joined this sites forum board and Mash'Allah there are some very nice topics up for discussion.

I live in the USA and have Alhamdulillah 4 boys ages 16,14,9&6.....

I would have to say go back to the Sunnah and follow the 3-7's rule as a basis or foundation....and build on that.

It seems to me you're in the first stage of 7's the fun stage of "Play".....

In our house we only watch Islamic programs on the tv or pc....and we limit the time to after studies are complete. I emphasize Islamic and not Arabic programs because most Arabic programs are horrible without any kind or rating system or anything....I do have a large selection of disney movies in Arabic though it helps the kids learn more common Arabic grammar as well.

Ahhhhh! the age old question public or private schooling....personally if I had the patients I pray to Allah to bless me with more and more each day I would just home school my children.

My boys go to public school and celebrate only Eid not halloween or Valentines  or any such nonesense and the school is very supportive of that Alhamdulillah....

We don't have any Islamic High Schools grades 9-12 in our area so the problem most Ummi's I know are facing is the integration....Unfortunatly their daughters feel lost in mainstream and only 1 out of 4 that I know sends their daughter to school with hijab all the others wear western clothes etc....

Honestly when they ask my opinion I tell them that if I had a daughter I would send her to Islamic school so there would be no mixing and from grades 9-12 just hire a private tutor for the house or homeschool her.....

My other hesitation with Islamic school is that my husband is a weekend teacher at our Masjid he teaches recitation and on recess he has caught many boys saying profanity calling young ladies up on their phones or trying to mix with the girls in the parking lot...

Our children don't even go out to recess anymore...

He asked them where did they hear all of this from and they say at school....Islamic school....

My dear sister you can put the best intentions in your heart but you see the families at Iftar, you pray with the sisters at the masjid, and you see how they raise their children....

So no matter what school system you choose your darling little ones will be exposed at some point to less than perfect behavior....

Just teach your children right from wrong, and send them at least to a weekend school at your masjid, and make your home truly and Islamic home where the Angels will come in and you will be fine Insha'Allah.

As far as the doctor or dentist visits your kids are still young so they may not need much motivation. But, I usually set up a reward system for the kids. Such as, a special treat, extra computer time or first pick of what Islamic game to play during family time that sort of thing. That way they know and understand what the expectation for the entire visit from home to office and back is and that there will be a reward for trying their best....There's always going to be a few tears shed that's just a given.....

I never spank my children. I just don't have the heart to do that but I do believe in quiet time alone to think and reflect on ones actions and to know that whatever you do there will be an equal reaction to your action....It works pretty well....

The most important thing Sister is don't ever take yourself to seriously and just respect your children even when they're in trouble because when you treat them with respect even while disciplining them they will grow up to love and respect you as well....

Good Luck...Alhamdulillah children are a great pleasure to all of us Ummi's.............

MasSalaama
Umm Abdelkhalek
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UmmAminata View Drop Down
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Points: 227 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote UmmAminata Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 December 2006 at 11:48am

 

Salaam O Alaikum Hayfa

If people would learn the proper manner of doing things such as marriage and parenting according to sacred law prior to doing it, then so many issues could be avoided! It is harram to give your children to christian or jewish schools.

 

Salaam umss

I do not know of any Islamic books on parenting by Islamic writers however sheik Hamza Yusuf has a gread c.d. titled " Educating our children in modern times" that I recommend to every Muslim parent.
Mrs. Dia
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umss View Drop Down
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Points: 4 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote umss Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 December 2006 at 6:16am

as salam aleikou sisters,

Thanks so much for these replies. I feel I am getting on there now. I prayed and prayed to ask Allah the Almighty to give me the knowledge and power to raise up my girls in the best way. Allah Han Duliallah, I feel the situation gets changed a bit now. Now, I will keep my girl praying with me after school everyday, and also we do a 30 minutes Quran reading every evening, by this way, I would have chance to implement the the verses into education on her personally.

If anyone who knows more Hadiths on bring up kids, I would like to hear from you! Also could anyone tell me which part of Quaran tells exactly about this?

Sis UmmAminata, thank you for your list, i decide to go for some of them, however, can you tell the ones on Islamic subject?

Salam

umss
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Hayfa View Drop Down
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Points: 2368 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 December 2006 at 9:38am

Good list UmmAminata..

Every time I see a Muslim child in a Catholic school I just want to p ull out my hair! But that's just me.

I can ditto this. I met a couple of men who were raised in Catholic schools and their idea of religion was rather "interesting." One cannot help but be influenced by the environment. Maybe there are public schools that are nearby that are non-demoniational. You'd be better at a Quaker school in my opinion. 
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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UmmAminata View Drop Down
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Points: 227 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote UmmAminata Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 December 2006 at 8:45am

 

Salaam O Alaikum Sister

I'm pressed for time so I'll be brief and offer you my amazonbook reading wish list.

I do want to say  that it appears that you may be suffering from a little bit of depression. I hope that you can chose to be responsible and consult your OB/GYN about being screened for depression. I also want you to look into mothers groups, play groups, and women support groups so that you can have some adult emotional support. It's not good to remain isolated.

Don't forget to take care of yourself, and if you don't have time, than you need to make time, and hold your family accountable and require that they respect your limits. Remeber that you are human, and I want to hear you making room for laughter in life. Happiness or contentment is a choice sister. Don't be so serious, kick back and relax! Ask hubby to give you a massage!

As for education, I'm a Pro-Home schooler but realize it's not for every child or family. If you would like to discuss that perhaps you can start a home schooling thread and fish for resources and feed back. I personally believe that it is harram to send Muslim children to learn from non-Muslims. Every time I see a Muslim child in a Catholic school I just want to p ull out my hair! But that's just me.

As for discpline I do not believe in spanking, however, I respect those who do. Every mother knows whats right for her children. I'm a big fan of millitary discpline, time out's, loosing privalleges, and other methods. I also believe that a mother must be confident in her own talents, skills, a nd abilities when it comes to parenting or else her children will run all over her.

The Optimistic Child: Proven Program to Safeguard Children from Depression & Build Lifelong Resilience - Martin E. Seligman;

 

12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids - Michele Ed.D. Borba;

 

Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child - Maurice J. Phd Elias

 

 

 

The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood Second Edition

by Kathleen A. Kendall-Tackett

 

 

What Mothers Do: Especially When it Looks Like Nothing

by Naomi Stadlen

 

 

The Ghost in the House: Motherhood, Raising Children, and Struggling with Depression

by Tracy Thompson

 

 

Don't Give Me That Attitude!: 24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them by Michele Ed.D. Borba

 

Growing Little Women: Capturing Teachable Moments with Your Daughter

by Donna Miller, Christine Yount

 

 

Together So You Can Live Too

by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

 

 
Mrs. Dia
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