Foster Care And Foster Parents

Six years ago, a Muslim businessman in Riverdale, the Bronx, named A. T. Alishtari learned of a Pakistani-American brother and sister, 4 and 5, whose family had been destroyed by drug abuse. Mr. Alishtari asked some local Pakistani imams to find a family to take them in.

"The response was not what I expected," Mr. Alishtari recalled. "They said, 'Oh, they should stay with their family.' "

The idea of foster care by unrelated guardians is unfamiliar to some ethnic groups, and one result is that when Muslim children, for example, do enter the foster care system, they are likely to go to homes that are unfamiliar with Islam.

That presents a problem, Mr. Alishtari said. "You have kids named Rashidah and yet they're sitting around eating pork chops," he said. The fault is not with the families, he added. "Many foster homes have 10 kids," he said. "You can't say, 'This kid is Muslim; can you stop on Friday and make sure he goes to jumah?' "

Zeinab Chahine, deputy commissioner for the Administration for Children's Services, said the city was conducting an ad campaign to match more children with families of the same religion. Earlier this year, she and Commissioner William C. Bell met with Muslims at the Islamic Cultural Center of New York on East 96th Street to, as she put it, "try and recruit families from the communities where the children are coming from."

The city says the number of Muslim children entering the city's foster care system is low, around 30 each year out of several thousand, and religion is only one of a number of factors taken into account in placing them; others include health, language and keeping siblings together.

Mr. Alishtari plans to start an organization to educate non-Muslim families that have taken in Muslim children. "Jewish people have done what we're about to do 30, 40 years ago," he said. "There needs to be an interface between the Muslims and the system."

Meanwhile, the two Pakistani siblings, now 10 and 11, have found a home. Mr. Alishtari and his wife are adopting them, a move he said has surprised some in the Muslim community. "They said, 'You're Moroccan and Arab, and you adopted a Pakistani child?' "he said. "I said, 'No, I adopted a Muslim child.' "

Extracted 03/07/04 from The New York Times

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------

How to Become a Foster Parent

You should be aware of the fact, that when becoming a foster parent, each state has different rules, regulations and procedures or guidelines to follow (see http://newsite.nfpainc.org/aboutFP/stateReqs.cfm). Most states require that the foster parents be licensed by the state, others simply approve the home for placement of children.

Basic requirements usually include:

completion of an application for family home license

background check, criminal history check and finger printing of each adult member of the household

family stability

home inspection and personal interview

character references

minimum age of applicant: 21

prior to licensure/certification pre-service training

Foster parents receive a partial reimbursement of costs incurred for each child in your care.

We encourage you to become involved with a local foster parent association for assistance and continued support.

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------

So You Want to Be a Foster Parent?

Becoming a foster parent will change your life-style. Maybe not at first, but as months and years pass you will be affected. Foster care will affect you and your family in many areas (extended family, community involvement, your personal activities, and those of your children.) The changes, like life around us, range from very good to very negative.

You will find that your relatives fit into two categories when you inform them that you are going to take in a foster child. Either they proclaim you the saints of the family or just plain nuts. Whichever side of the discussion they voice their opinion on, your choice to take in foster children puts them in various dilemmas. Grandparents suffer through a multitude of questions. Besides the normal dilemma of whether to include the foster child on their Christmas list, I had a grandparent question whether they should be included in their will. If you only take one or two foster children into your home in your lifetime those questions may need an honest answer, but after ten or more foster children the questions become moot.

Foster parents are trained to respect the privacy of the foster child and their families. Relatives don't always understand why you can't tell them about their new niece or nephew. Their bewilderment only gets worse when the child acts out in an inappropriate manner and you can't justify the behavior because the past history falls into the data privacy area. For some families this leads to selective invitations, where only certain individuals, or only adults, are invited over. What do you do in those special circumstances? Cousins will get married, families will want a family portrait, what is the best way to handle special circumstances? No matter how many or what types of children you care for, the one thing that relatives will come to realize is that you are a very busy person. As the years pass, and you have to react to foster care emergency after emergency, you may find that the visits and the invitations become few and far between.

The community, your neighbors, are not much different. There may be a few who would like to blame you for every wrong that happens in the neighborhood because you brought those kids into your home. Most, though, think it's wonderful that you can do what you do, just keep them in your yard.

Our police officers know us by name and most of the teachers at the school refer to us as "that house." The ones we work with on a regular basis are supportive and complimentary, the rest just raise their eyebrows when we pass them on the street. Church members work hard to include the children in activities, but never invite the whole family over for dinner (If someone did once, it never happened twice). Foster families tend to be larger than the norm, and size alone can cause discomfort, without adding the abnormal behavior factor. Foster families are very visible to the community and can add additional pressures, whether real or imaginary. As the adult of the foster family, you will constantly find yourself surrounded by people, and yet feel very much alone.

Being a foster parent will develop your skills as an independent social director, therapist. and taxi service, to mention just a few. Activities that you took for granted as a member of the adult world will be infringed upon by the children you invited into your home. If you are physically active and participating in athletic pursuits, your activities may change when the teenager you accept into your home is too paranoid to ride a bike, skate, or go in a boat. The activities of the whole family will be tailored to fit the least adaptable member. Need for attention or preconceived fears will stimulate pseudo injuries or refusals to participate. Your social outings will be disrupted by unruly children or true emergencies (you will have more than you could imagine). The foster children you choose to bring into your home will have all the normal problems, but accelerated to an abnormal pace.

You will be on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The safety and welfare of the foster children will be a constant priority. Your birth children will grow up with "the street in their home." They will, at a young age, be aware of the cruelties that the children of this world face. They will endure pressures at home where they were intending to find refuge. Your choice to take in foster children will either send them on the streets in rebellion or give them skills to become outstanding young adults. It is not uncommon to find your birth children very active outside the home. They will participate in the community, not only because they choose to, but because it is a release from the constant pressure foster care places on them. Your choice to accept a foster child into your home will change your birth child for life. When you are old, no one will remember what you did. Except for:

A child, now an adult, who has a life with a little more purpose and a lot more love.

A child who would never have experienced an alternate "safe family" except that you chose to be a foster parent.

A child who has a job and pays the bills because you taught them how to work.

A child who completed school because you ensured that the homework was done.

A child who treats their family with respect because you modeled dignity.

Thank you, from all of them!

Greg Olson, Minnesota Foster Parent

Extracted 03/07/04 from National Foster Parent Association

Okay here is my personal story about a brief encounter I had with a Muslima just recently.

My junker clunker mini van broke down, so I was stuck with the bus! I had to go into to the city to go to my Neruologist. I hate taking the bus because you can run into some really crazy people! So there I was sitting at the bus stop and I saw this very beautiful Arab girl. Ma'sha'Allah. Her name was Wafa, she was thirteen years old, and comming home from school. She salaamed me as I wear hijab, and so I salaamed her back. We got to talking about Islaam. She pulled a hijab out of her backpack. One of those bright colored Turkish hijabs, and smiled. Wafa says " I know what you're thinking sister!" Inside my head I'm like oo okay. " I only wear my hijab at school because my foster parents won't let me wear it, and I take it off here{bus stop} just in case anybody they know see's me." So I just started balling like a baby . { Not the correct response} So we got to talking about her life. I learned that she had been removed from her family who were from Jordan because of domestic violence. The situation was so bad that even the Police knew their names and were they lived. The last straw came when her farther went on a rampage about how expensive life was in America and busted his wife's skull open. After that he started going after her and young two sisters complaining that they were a burden. Her four year old sister was scared and didn't know any better so she threw her baby dall at him and ran to the kitchen. Her farther became so enraged that he picked her up and body slammed on her the floor. So her and her siblings ended up in different foster homes. She has no other relatives here,or at least that she knows of. She told me that she sneaks around to go visit her mother who is working a minimum wage job as a house keeper for a hotel. Her mom wants to go back to Jordan but can't because she doesn't want to leave her children here. This girl has been in eight foster homes already. She sneaks around to wear hijab, she sneaks around to pray, and during Ramadon she has come up with some pretty clever ways to fast. I'm impressed my self.

Well, we both ended missing the bus, because we were soo into our conversation.

Her farther went to jail on felony child abuse charges, and her mother never filed charges against him. Typical of these situations.

Wafa says she wants to become a scholar and teach arabic. I asked her why, and she told me that she really loves Islam and that it is the only thing keeping her from giving up.  How could a thirteen year old be so into Islam? Befor getting on her bus Wafa salaams me and than I ask her do you have a Qur'an? She shakes her no. I leave my daughter on the bench, run up to the bus and give her my pocket Qur'an and dhikr beeds. She smiles, and says good bye.

I'm sure I must of look like a crack head because after that I just sat there on that bench and cried holding my own daughter. I must confess, I felt so ashamed of my self, here is a girl sneaking around trying to be Muslim, and in my early days I complained about everything!

This is an ugly truth that our community doesn't want to face, but I wonder how they are going to react when the next generation of Muslim from foster care age out of the system?

Salaam

Sorry I have been long winded.

Life is interesting to say the least.

Salaam Hayfa

You don't have to be married, own a home, or have your own natural children to be a foster parent. You don't need this stuff to adopt children either.

And you're right.. maybe I should take the bus more often, hopefully when I don't have a toddler anymore. It's soooooo exhausting taking her on the bus!

She is a very courageous girl. What shocked me is that she didn't hate parents, and she didn't blame her situation on Islam. She exactly approached her situation from the total opposite perspective. All this from a 13 year old?

What is that saying " Oh what comes out of the mouths of babe's."

Anyways, just thinking about makes me well up with tears.. I'm such a cry  baby!

But seriously, I think once I relocate I'm going to seriously look into it. Proubably attend an orentation or something.

Heck, I may end up adopting a child. As a Muslim I am beginning to feel that it is a duty to keep our children Muslim and if adopting a displaced Muslim is what it takes than I can surely help just one child if nothing else.

Allah can enlarge you heart and home and create enough spaces.