feeling lost

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   Dear sister, I hate to quote Dr.Phil the tv guy, but I must. Certian
things in life and in Islam are dealbreakers in a relationship. Before
marriage I told my husband, abuse, alcohol, drugs or adultery are
dealbreakers. There is no second chance. He agreed and holds me to the
same standard. You are only 41 and should waste no more time on this
man. Pray for him, encourage him to get help and move on with your
life. If you meet a man in the future, get to know his family and if he
is divorced ask to speak to his ex wife to find out why. Love is not a
reason to do stupid things. You must protect yourself!!!

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Jenni Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705	Post Options Post Reply Quote Jenni Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: feeling lost Posted: 11 July 2005 at 8:33pm
	Dear sister, I hate to quote Dr.Phil the tv guy, but I must. Certian things in life and in Islam are dealbreakers in a relationship. Before marriage I told my husband, abuse, alcohol, drugs or adultery are dealbreakers. There is no second chance. He agreed and holds me to the same standard. You are only 41 and should waste no more time on this man. Pray for him, encourage him to get help and move on with your life. If you meet a man in the future, get to know his family and if he is divorced ask to speak to his ex wife to find out why. Love is not a reason to do stupid things. You must protect yourself!!!
	You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.

sahara Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 11 July 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 13	Post Options Post Reply Quote sahara Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 July 2005 at 10:12am
	I went through something similar before become a muslim. I'm taking mental health assistant course in college. First find someone you can trust to talk to. Then find a place for you to live so you are safe. With a clear mind and a safe place, you can make decision on what to do next. Don't let any one push you to go back before you are ready. This is important if you have children

J.R. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 87	Post Options Post Reply Quote J.R. Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 06 July 2005 at 2:57am
	Assalamu Alaikum, Sister, I am not you and I'm not in your shoes and I have never met this man so I can not judge him correctly. All I know is that you are a MUSLIM WOMAN something every man should treat like gold. As a Muslim woman, and a woman in general, you deserve to best life and best treatment. You deserve so much better than this and any man who hits a woman is not a man. You're in my prayers and as always Allah knows best. Allah hafiz, J.R.
	Smile

habebe39 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 04 July 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 18	Post Options Post Reply Quote habebe39 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 July 2005 at 7:48pm
	Welcome. Maybe your not really fed up with his behavior yet to leave. I had been married for ten years and while many of times I wanted to leave I was too afraid, having much the same feelings as you are feeling. BUT when you reach a point" I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" The last time you say it, you will feel like killing yourself, but get help and live. When you leave it is like you feel soooooooooooooooooooooo good. You know you have climbed a big hurdle, been tested in every extreme and you did it! I never went back to him even though he wanted to have me back. (He was 17 years older than I.) It was especially scarey to be living in an area where rent is $1500-$2000/month & I with no college education & two kids. I never thought I could have the life I do today. Alhamdollilah. I went through so many years wanting to leave, but then afraid to really leave. The final straw was when I was so depressed I felt I needed to go to the emergency room. Sukran Allah for antidepressants and he actually helped me find a nice town house to rent. He gave me child support even before the courts had put in on paper. I messed up my credit in order to be away from him as the life in Northern California is so expensive, but I feel it is better than being dead. My kids have a decent life and they have their mom and dad less than a mile apart and I have my happiness. Alhamdollilah.

Lameese Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 08 April 2002 Status: Offline Points: 304	Post Options Post Reply Quote Lameese Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 June 2005 at 11:26pm
	I am so sorry this is happening to you. I will pray for you. But I agree that you should stay away from him right now. Make sure he is going to his counsler meetings. Also, ask him to take a Anger Managment course. He could kill you next time and dead is forever. I will pray for you..... Lameese

DawahGirl Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 04 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2	Post Options Post Reply Quote DawahGirl Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 June 2005 at 11:15am
	Salams... I think you should stay away from him. But Allahu'alim.

wafiyah Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 14 April 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 6	Post Options Post Reply Quote wafiyah Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 30 April 2005 at 8:27pm
	Skurkran for everyones advice, i have an udate, my husband has agreed to go to coounseling a muslim counsler, i have told him that is all it shall be for now for i am going to go slow with this, i have rayed for Allahs guidence in this and our juma khutba was hitting my right in the heart and i asked our imeer if my husband was permissable to me as in counseling to see if there is anything to save to see if he might want help with his addiction, and to talk of our relationship inshalla all will be ok but i am going to go slow not go to the apartment unless another is with me i am not scared of him now but right after i was i take his agreeing to counseling as a good sign but i am not blind nor have i forgotten that night i was a month ago and still in my mind all this i have told my husband over the phone Allah knows best and i will follow what i have in my heart i do love my husband and he wants me to be with him the rest of his life so inshallah i will try and we shall see. again thanks and any other thoughts are much apreciated i see some light now and i continue to pray for guidence

ZamanH Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Guest Group Joined: 21 July 2004 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 448	Post Options Post Reply Quote ZamanH Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 30 April 2005 at 11:32am
	As salaam Alaikum ukhti Wafiya, I have an advice for you. Whenever you make any major decision in life always consult your friends before you make up your mind.
	An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend. There will be more women in hell than men. ..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191) Heaven lies under mother's feet