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uncomfortable at the Mosque

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lmecca67 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 09 November 2006 at 1:15pm
 I have been practicing Islam for about 4 years. My problem is this: When I go to the mosque, I end up going home and crying.  The sisters are not friendly to me and the brothers are not friendly to my husband. Our children are always looked at as if they are out of control.  I try to carry on  conversations but they all gather in their own cliques and I am left in a corner sitting alone. The "straw that broke the camel's back" was during Ramadan, we went to an iftar, no one spoke to me or my  family and we ended up leaving.This is everytime that we go. How many times do you get your feelings hurt before you say enough is enough?
LaQuoia
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Hanan View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hanan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 November 2006 at 1:27pm

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Edited by Hanan
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UmmAminata View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote UmmAminata Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 November 2006 at 2:57pm

 

Welcome to Islam! Welcome to the Ummah!  Join the choir honey!

Okay.. on a serious note..

My family has gone through this and we did get through it.

Here is what we did or do:

1. Refuse whole heartedly to give up our relationship with Allah, and to stop attending services at the Masjids, because this isn't about them, it's about our relationship with Allah. We are not there for them, we are there for Yal-Malik. We tell ourselves this every time we go to the masjids. Even though I have an infant I say to her, and I encourage you to say it to your children so that they won't become disaffected and leave Islam.

2. Smile  Smile  Smile  What we do is smile, laugh, and talk any way, even if it is to each other or heck the wall! Be confident, be proud, and be happy.

3. Confront the Imam or the Shura counsel. Stand up for what you know is terrible adab and a disgrace to the Masjid. It's not their Masjid, it's his Masjid, and if they say other wise, I wouldn't pray there. Write a letter.

4. Attend confrences, workshops, bazaars nationally. We meet people from all over and establish long distance relationships and meet up annually to be with each other's families.

5. Try another masjid. Even if the majority of the people act like their stuff doesn't stink, there may be a few who feel the same way you do. Take out an add in the local news paper or Muslim paper advertising a lunch or dinner for Muslim families once a month. Look for other Mothers or farthers. Start a play group, parenting group, or girls night out group.

6. Do not rely on the internet as your main source of support. It's not good for you eman.

7. Don't give up- if fellowship is that important to you, you are going to have work harder and seek out people on your own.

I find the Naqshabandi's Tariqa's to be a very comfortable group of people. Ladies always eat first, and interact in discussions. People are there because they focused on killing their ego not blowing it up. There are squables and no community is  perfect but I think they have the best adab I've seen in the seven years I've been Muslim. I don't agree with everything they believe in, but I respect anybody who cares enough to make a concerted effort to create a worship enviournment for Allah not their own political agenda's and I love the way women and mothers are treated.

Salaam

Hope I helped.

 

Mrs. Dia
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jamilah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jamilah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 November 2006 at 3:22am

i have also had this type of problem i have never set foot i  a mosque i pray at home becouse when i reverted and started wearing hijab i noticed that even if i smiled at every single sister ther were only a threw that would smile back most sisters seem to stay within there groups which is not friendly as muslimahs we should be welcomeing to every sister no matter what country they are from and the brothers should be the same the bond that is the sisterhood is not as strong as it once was  how can we reach out to people and give dawah if we are not comfatable sopporting other muslims in need of a friend

"there is no power and no strength except with allah (swt)"
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J.R. View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote J.R. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 November 2006 at 8:29am
Assalamu Alaikum,

I have experienced this countless times myself. This is one of the issues
that causes me such anger. May Allah (swt) give me and the other reverts
patience with this. What a bunch of hypocrites. These sisters and
brothers want people in this country to respect Islam and don't like it
when we are stereotyped or feared but when you see a revert to Islam you
don't smile? You don't return the salaam? These types of people
obviously don't know what true Islam means. Ok, I better stop typing
because I'm getting so angry.
Smile
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Hayfa View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 November 2006 at 10:14am

they say the vast, clearly the majority of Moslems do not go to the mosques, and this is one of the main reasons. I have not felt particularly welcome myself, unless you know someonethere.  Whereas it is not necessary to goto the mosque to pray, in the west they, i think, need to be the center of the community.

I agree with UmmAminata's suggestions. Some times it is best oget involved or work to find another mosque. I deal with welcoming prospective students to my school and working with volunteers. And the energy you send out can be the big determining factor to people coming back. I think that this is crucial for new Moslems as they do not have often have family for support.

too bad we are not all in one place and can meet each other!   

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Hanan View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hanan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 November 2006 at 11:33am

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Edited by Hanan
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J.R. View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote J.R. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 November 2006 at 12:26pm

Assalamu alaikum,

As much as I have met some VERY unfriendly Muslims/Muslimahs I must also recognize those who have been friendly to me.  It would be wrong of me to only think of those who do not return my salaams.  God knows many have greeted me with respect, ilhamdulilah and may Allah (swt) reward them.

 

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