Does Islam Look bad in Polygamy?

But, UmmTaaha,

The US is a secular society with secular laws.  You call Illegal sexual activities of homosexuality, adultery and fornication because of your religion, but in the US, religion has nothing to do with it.  People have a right to believe what they want here.  Therefore, if you want to practice a specific ideal, you have to challenge the courts based on the idea that it restricts your belief. 

I certainly don't believe in homosexuality, adultery or fornication.  However, I stop dead at the idea of forcing my beliefs on others and imposing laws that draw stoning and death to sinners. 

This is a country of many faiths, you can complain about the haram practices being given license here.  But in the end, if that's how you feel, then don't live here.  I see you have Japan listed as your home country.  I could point out a few things about Japanese culture and I'm pretty sure that polygamy is illegal there.

A non-muslim westerner is going to argue on their beliefs.  In the US, there is a movement to ban all marriages that are not between one woman and one man. This would prevent homosexuals from marrying, but it would reinforce the 125 year old bans on plural marriage.  Fornication and adultery are personal sins and will be punished by the creator, but you cannot regulate morality based on religious law in a secular government. 

As for where is the law, in Texas there was a sodomy law that gave jail time, its been overturned based on personal freedom.  In Pennsylvania no more than 5 unmarried women can live together in a home because it becomes a brothel.  There are laws, but they aren't enforced because of personal choice and belief.  If you come here as an immigrant you are bound to our laws, end of argument.  If you don't agree with the laws, then don't come here, go somewhere else.  If you are born here, then you are bound to live the laws just the same, no different.  The only difference is one came here by choice and if he breaks the law, he can be sent home.  He or she broke their agreement to obey the law as part of their terms of citizenship.  The other faces jail time if they break the law.

If a Mormon or Muslim practices polygamy in this country, they understand that they are doing so against the law and must accept that there will be consequences if they are discovered and prosecuted.  They must understand that for all the illegal/spiritual wives and legally illegitimate children that there are no protections under the law.  The if the second wife needs assistance from the government, the US can garnish the mans wages in child support with no respect for his first wife and their situation.  If the husband dies, the first wife becomes sole inheritor with her children.  Lastly, all the children could suffer if the father is arrested, fined and jailed and the spouses as well.

So, yes, there are things that are permissible in this society that are ugly and wrong, but you cannot force your beliefs on the entire 300 million people, therefore, you either deal with it and teach your kids the correct way, or you leave.  But, if you break the law, even if your beliefs say its okay, then you become a criminal in society. 

For example, in the US, if a Shariah Court convicted an adulteress and sentenced her to death by stoning....they would all become murderers and be charged as such.  So, do you expect them to risk their families and communities by following that act?  Of course not.  So, why expect men to engage in an allowable but not required act that can only bring misery to the family under the law?

In the end, I can't say this enough....If Muslims or Mormons want to practice polygamy, they must FIRST challenge the law, then they can practice polygamy openly and the way it should be done, in love, not secrecy.

UmmTaaha,

You said, We should not be naive enough to accept these double standards, nor should we be naive enough to join them to strengthen their voices.

Its not a double standard when its applied to all.  There are other religions that teach polygamy as a natural and moral act.  However, the law is the law.  It doesn't matter if your Mormon or Muslim.  The anti-polygamy laws were in place long before Muslims came to the US in force.  They were passed as part of the battle against my people. 

But, if a Muslim wants to live in the West then they must accept the law or work to change it.  If they disrespect the laws of the land and make no attempt to change it, then they simply don't have the right to be here.  Democracy is a full contact sport that requires participation.  You can't simply ignore the law and do what you want.

That is what the problem is with polygamists in this country.  They have no respect for the law and refuse to take legal channels to correct the law.  Why?  Because those that are unwilling to challenge the law are usually not in these relationships for moral purposes. 

In the end, if Muslim brother would rather have multiple wives and doesn't feel the need to challenge the laws that forbid it, then he needs to move to a country where its legal.

Polygamy is Islam is not obligatory. There are definite reasons why polygamy was permitted and the conditions that should be maintained in which a polygynous relationship can thrive to the benefit of the spouses involved.

The Quran states justice between the wives. This is material justice. Equal distribution of time and wealth and other resources. In broader terms, I would also include both having the similar legal status.

The Quran also exhorts in Surah Nisa, 4:3, Marry one or more, but if you fear that you wont be able to do justice, then only one. This is nearer to preventing you to do injustice.

The plurality of marriage is made Halal in Islam due to many reasons. It is primarily to prevent men from doing Haram. A man may be tempted towards another woman and in case his wife is accepting towards her and they wish to remain married (for kids, etc) he can marry this other woman instead of having a haram relationship again avoiding many problems of illiegal children.

There may be women in the society that have no prospects of marriage or the ratio of men is adverse. Being a second wife gives her respect and protection in the society. If she were single, she would have to take help from others and as scholars agree,taking help from nonmahram men, puts women at risk of exploitation.

In the west However, if we take a look at people who are in a polygamous relationship, its very distressing to see that that they taking something from Islam because it is Sunnah but the way of doing it is totally un-islamic.

I read a post on this forum, in which a lady has described how she met her husband on chat and then they got married (civil and not islamic wedding). the husband did not tell his wife about it and was sneaking out to meet her. To the extent that everyone including his son knew that this woman is his wife except the first wife.

To me as a muslim and any moral person anywhere in the world, the above kind of behaviour is unethical and unacceptable.  In blunt words, I would call it cheating on the first wife. The basic foundatuon of marriage is threatened by this behaviour.

UmmTaaha, you are speaking about the society, these stories are dime a dozen, all under the banner of islam,quran and sunnah. And this is what is giving the religion a bad name.

We cannot be so wishful as to seperate what we do from what Islam is.

We are all representatives of the Quran. What we need to root out is the un-islamic and unethical practices of muslims (while they fool themselves that they are following the Sunnah)

As everyone, I know of polygamous marriages in which the dignity of all the spouses and their children is fully maintained. This is the kind of marriage that reflects the true beauty of Islam and it is within everyones who wishes to reach. People take the way of deception and subterfuge because the reasons that want to marry are questionable.

Eg: My wife cannot have kids, ( so I want to be a half time dad to wahtever kids we have)

It is only in a small percentage of  polygynous marriages in the west that the rights of one the wives is not compromised.

The disgust and intolerance that you mention come from this background.

As an end note, in countries where gay marriage is banned, it is not allowed under any circumstance. The same goes for polygynous marriage, if it is not allowed, it simply isnt. To change a law (as the homosexuals have done), it needs a concerted effort and time.

NS

UmmTaaha,

Actually, unlike some splinter sects of my own faith.  Islam does not teach polygamy as a requirement, only a permissible act if the proper terms and conditions can be met.

4:3 And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.

You aren't treating them justly if you are putting them in a position to be prosecuted under secular law.

I believe in Polygyny.  I feel that when practiced properly, it can be a beautiful thing.  This means that all women involved should be willing and wanting to enter this kind of arrangment.  This means the man should have the financial income to support multiple families, because unless the wives want to live in the same home, each needs her own residence.  There needs to be a fundamental standard of care and love between all parties.

For example, if Polygyny were restored to practice (and only if) I would consider allowing my husband to take a specific woman as a second wife.  She and I are dear friends and she's never found anyone.  Now, because its forbidden by the law and thus also by my faith, that won't happen unless its changed.  I see where polygamy could benefit my family and this woman.  I am willing and open to sharing my loving husband.  But, above all those desires is the desire to uphold the law and not end up in jail, outcast by society or excommunicated. 

There is a very big difference in believing something is good and breaking the law.  I believe that certain taxes are unjust, but I would never risk jail by not paying them.  I believe that interest should be outlawed, but I would never risk my home or car by not paying the interest.  Many things are legal that should not be, and many things are illegal that should be legal.  This is the paradox in society.

But unless something is a religious requirement (which polygyny is not in Islam) there is no need to break the law.  Like Fatima's relative there are legal ways of dealing with it. 

In a way, the trend of non married and gay couples in this country are changing the laws and making it easier on the unregistered plural wives of men.  But, is that really a benefit you want to partake of?  I would rather a Muslim family challenge and change the law, thus continuing to encourage lawful marriage and cohabitation.

Its easier to challenge the immorality of fornication and adultery if you are fighting to preserve the legal marriage as a tenet of society.