need help dealing with polygamy

 When you say "one woman is replaced for another", what do you mean? One woman is divorced or one woman is put on the back burner? Also do you mean the second wife complies to be in a polygamous relationship or the first wife passively complies by allowing her husband to take another? About the marriage contract, there are scholars who say that women cannot put anything into the marriage contract preventing the husband from doing what Allah has allowed him to do. They even go so far as to say that a man can agree to those conditions, put them on a contract and then later do what he feels like. So some women will think they're all protected by this contract and it ends up happening anyway. Of course a woman should be informed about the negatives of polygamy. But I don't think that's the problem. We're constantly deluged with the negatives from childhood. Trust me, horror polygamy stories aren't hard to find. So letting people know what they're getting into isn't even an issue.

 When you say "one woman is replaced for another", what do you mean? One woman is divorced or one woman is put on the back burner?

I mean divorce.  What I have seen is likely the first wife will be divorced and in some cases due to pressure from the first wife, he will divorce his new wife.

Also do you mean the second wife complies to be in a polygamous relationship or the first wife passively complies by allowing her husband to take another?

The first wife has little choice except to be informed and assist her husband to think deeply about what is about to undertake, that is if he informs her prior to getting married.  I'm concerned that the first wife having been informed of his intentions to take a second wife does not simply say, 'Ma'sha'Allah.'  If she knows that he is not working or unable to even afford his current responsiblities, she should stongly advise him otherwise.

Second wives really surprise me because generally speaking, no woman wants this situation for herself, so why they willing accept this is very strange to me.  Do they not realize how this will hurt his first family?  Do they even care? Are they so blinded by their desire for him?  These and other issues need to be discussed prior to passively walking into polygamy.

About the marriage contract, there are scholars who say that women cannot put anything into the marriage contract preventing the husband from doing what Allah has allowed him to do. They even go so far as to say that a man can agree to those conditions, put them on a contract and then later do what he feels like. So some women will think they're all protected by this contract and it ends up happening anyway.

This is why the debate is important, because the most reputable scholars, in my humble opinion, do allow for a women to place into her contract her desire not to be placed in a polygamous relationship, and they further state that any man who marries this women must comply or not marry her.

Of course a woman should be informed about the negatives of polygamy. But I don't think that's the problem. We're constantly deluged with the negatives from childhood. Trust me, horror polygamy stories aren't hard to find. So letting people know what they're getting into isn't even an issue.

Oh, but it is an issue Sister, trust me, I speak from a male's perspective.  Men are very fickle.  You have those who are not following their religion, which admonishes against mixing with women.  So at work or otherwise they sometimes under the guise of "dawah" start talking and visiting daily with strange women and this of course affects their hearts.  They begin having desires and before you know it - "well, Allah says I can have up to four wives" on a whim, without thinking they then want to take another wife.  This issue must be frankly discussed and believe me it is not sufficiently discussed amongst men. 

hope my reply in the other thread may help rookaiya.......

a more down to earth response (which i am reluctant to share because of the speculative nature of it) would have me say that, his other wife and you are pulling on him in different directions, so he has become the battleground for each of your grievances�.. in which case your husband is not caught but in the illusion of his wives illusions.