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American Muslim

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Mona_1022 View Drop Down
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Joined: 22 September 2006
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    Posted: 22 September 2006 at 12:33am

Salam everyone,

   I am a new member here and would like to meet new muslims.  I am an American muslim with no muslim friends.  I have a pretty interesting story and lots of conflicts with my social life and my religion and would like to get advice from those that know the religion well.  Thanks for taking time to read my message.

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rookaiya View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rookaiya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 September 2006 at 12:45am

salaams mona

im rookaiya and im in south africa. i have been muslim all my life but everyday i learn new things. i did attend madressa until i was in grad 8. but ive learnt alot through interaction with people and have studied on my own as well. even on this site, i have learnt some new stuff that i was ignorant of before

im even embarassed to say that i never used to wear hijaab before as i didnt think it was necessary. but i found very useful info here n logged onto the hijaab shop site as well n found ideas on how to wear hijaab

its not easy being a muslim. even in some muslim communites u find that our own muslim brothers n sister mock us n say things like, we are trying to act holy, when we wear hijaab or when we beconme deen conscious

i am very pleased to say that Allah swa has tested me with a very trying polygamous marriage and that has increased my level of imaan. i perform my salaah everyday now n i make lots of dua. i have even changed my style of dressing. had it not been for these difficult circimstances i would have continued as before , not being regular in my prayers and just living my life heedlessly

oops...........sorry if i got carried away there

what experiences u would u like to share mona?

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mariyah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mariyah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 September 2006 at 3:25am

Wa salaam sister Mona..

In spite of my living South of the border for now, I am also an American muslim that works in  a southern US city. It is not always easy to be Muslima, especially if we choose to wear the hijab and make visible our deen. The men do not have this issue, they can hide it seems! Dont limit yourself too much, be visible!

"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
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Mona_1022 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mona_1022 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 September 2006 at 3:02pm

Let me begin by saying I am a 21 yr old mother of 2;  a 3 yr old boy and a 1 month old baby girl.  I am currently studying to be a doctor and hope it doenst take the rest of my life to get there.

Well, I don't really know where to begin.  I guess I can start by saying that up until I was 7 years old, I was raised solely by my mother who was catholic.  I always had a sincere love and respect for God.  When I was 7, my father who lived hundreds of miles away, decided to be apart of me and my siblings lives.  He was a muslim, not religious at all, and basically wanted us to be raised as muslims.  We went to the Mosque every sunday where I learned to read arabic, though I still don't speak it or understand it, and also to recite some surahs.  I accepted Islam as the truth almost immediately and decided I wanted to dedicate my life to Allah. 

Unfortuantely, my father was abusive to my mother both physically and emotionally throughout the time we lived with him.  And altough he never laid a hand on me or my siblings, we were always afraid of him.  ANd although I loved Islam, I disliked some of the teachings my father told us about.  When I was about 15, my father decided that me and my sister should be raised by his family back in Jordan.  Fearing that she would never see us again, my mother took us and fled my father's house.  A decision I was happy she had made.

We ended up moving to a crime-ridden city filled with drugs, protstitues, gangs, etc.  Basically, there was no moral way of life there, no one spoke of religion or God.  Being a teenager living in this negative environment, I subconciously started ignoring my religion (but never lost my faith).  I ended up meeting this guy in high school, we had a baby and moved in together.  All this time knowing that this was forbidden in Islam but I guess I didn't care.

Last year I stumbled across a muslim chat room and met some muslim people. My living situation started bothering me since I knew it was wrong.  I asked some of the brothers and sisters I had met in the chatrooms what I could do to make my life halal.  I think I was hoping to hear that it wasn't that bad but thats not the response I got from anyone.  So I found myself trying to find the answer I was hoping for.  I guess my father had taught me that Allah (swt) was a very strict God and everything that was commanded to us had to be that way or no way.  My interest in Islam grew as I looked through websites wanting to fill in the gaps in my knowledge about the religion.  In doing so, I found a very different perception of Islam.  I learned that Allah was the most Kind, the most Gracious, the most Forgiving...and somehow I knew that He would guide me to making my life halal. 

I met a young muslim man who helped me in my journey to learning this "new" Islam i had stumbled across.  I say new because it was as if I was learning a whole new religion.  I just loved it!  Allah's rules and commands did not seem so strict to me anymore but rather as guides to help us live the happiest life we could, one that was harmonious and stress free.  When everyone else was telling me to leave my boyfriend, he was the only one who gave me an alternate option.  He told me that we should sleep in separate beds and for me to teach him islam, only if he was interested, and if he took the shahada we could get married.  So thats what i did.  I used this website and others that the muslim brother recommended to show him what islam taught and also show him that christianity was very contradictory.  After about 2 months of researching and learning, he decided to take the shahada and we got married that night.  I chose a temporary marriage to make sure he didn't convert just to marry me.  I told him that God knew his true intentions and not to convert for any other reason than because he truly believed that Islam was the truth.  I was so happy that I finally had made my life halal.  I was a new muslim with my new muslim husband and my son. 

Well, now its almost a year later, it'll be a year at the end of november, and I don't know how I veered off.  My husband (if I can still call him that) does not display any interest in Islam or religion for that matter.  I mean, I never bring it to his attention, we never talk about religion and it just seems evident to me that when he took the shahada his heart was not in the right place.  I also find myself trying to avoid Islam.  I mean I still truly love and respect Allah (swt) but I guess i want to deny the fact that my life is not where I wanted it to be.  Now, after about 7 months, I find that I can no longer avoid it, I feel the need to come back.  I want to start praying again and slowly become the muslim I want to be.  But I am so confused.  I don't even know if my marriage is still valid or not. 

I guess I feel trapped.  I am the only muslim surrounded by people who are ignorant to Islam.  They only hear about it on the news and form the media.  I do not hide that I am a muslim because I am very thankful that Allah chose to show me the truth, but i do not practice it.  When people ask me about it I am happy to tell them what I know.  I hope to one day move to Dubai in UAE so I can truly be the muslim I want to be because I know that will not be possible here in the USA.  Not because I am afraid of people knowing I am a muslim but because I want to get away from the negativity that I am surrounded by.  I failed to mention that my mother had converted to Islam while still living with my father, but once we left she went back to being catholic.  I always talk to her about Islam and we always talk about how Great Allah is, but she says she doesn't want to be a part of any religion, just believe in God. Neither my brother or my sister display any interest in any religion, and neither does my "husband."  His family is catholic and they attend church regulary but they keep pressuring us to baptize our kids.  None of my friends are muslim or even religious for that matter.  I wish I could make everyone God-fearing as I am, and show them that Islam is the truth but I know its not possible and I guess thats why I am scared.  What do you think?

 

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Saint_Michael View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Saint_Michael Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2006 at 3:31pm
Hello Mona,

I'm an American Catholic but I can definitely relate to your situation.  I'm a very devout Catholic, and pretty much the only religous person in my family.  I've tried talking to people about God and my faith but they seem uninterested in God.  But you can't force people to study their faith if they have no inclination to do on their own.  You can't force people to love God.

As far as your situation on life, God loves you, and God forgives you for any error you make as long as you are sincere in your heart and contrite.  There's no reason to torture yourself over mistakes already made and cried over.

As for your faith the verse I like to relate to is:

Revelation 3:16 (NAB):

"So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."

Either be hot or cold, lukewarm is no way to be.  If you want to commit yourself to Islam, then do it with your whole self.

Take care and good luck with everything.


Edited by Saint_Michael
"Preach the Gospel always, and when necessary use words".

-St. Francis of Assisi
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ak_m_f View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ak_m_f Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2006 at 3:37pm
Originally posted by Saint_Michael Saint_Michael wrote:


Revelation 3:16 (NAB):"So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."Either be hot or cold, lukewarm is no way to be.  If you want to commit yourself to Islam, then do it with your whole self.Take care and good luck with everything.


Islam tells us to be moderate.

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Saint_Michael View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Saint_Michael Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2006 at 3:38pm
Originally posted by ak_m_f ak_m_f wrote:

Originally posted by Saint_Michael Saint_Michael wrote:


Revelation 3:16 (NAB):"So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."Either be hot or cold, lukewarm is no way to be.  If you want to commit yourself to Islam, then do it with your whole self.Take care and good luck with everything.


Islam tells us to be moderate.



Be moderate in your faith and love of God?  Or be moderate in your dealings with others?  There's a significant difference.


Edited by Saint_Michael
"Preach the Gospel always, and when necessary use words".

-St. Francis of Assisi
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ak_m_f View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ak_m_f Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2006 at 4:04pm
Originally posted by Saint_Michael Saint_Michael wrote:



Originally posted by ak_m_f ak_m_f wrote:

Originally posted by Saint_Michael Saint_Michael wrote:


Revelation 3:16 (NAB):"So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."Either be hot or cold, lukewarm is no way to be.  If you want to commit yourself to Islam, then do it with your whole self.Take care and good luck with everything.


Islam tells us to be moderate.

Be moderate in your faith and love of God?  Or be moderate in your dealings with others?  There's a significant difference.


"In the Qur'an, Almighty Allah says: "Thus have We made of you a Middle Ummah, that you might be witnesses over the people, and the Messenger a witness over yourselves…" (al-Baqarah: 143)

"Say: "O People of the Book! Make no excess in your religion, trespassing beyond the truth, nor follow the vain desires of people who went wrong in times gone by, who misled many, and strayed (themselves) from the even Way." (al-Ma'idah: 77)

Muslims are called Ummatan Wasatan. The commentators of the Qur'an explain the word "wasat" as "justly balanced", "the best (khiyar or khayr)". (see al-Tabari, al-Qurtubi, Ibn Kathir etc.) Yusuf Ali says: "The essence of Islam is to avoid all extravagances on either side. It is a sober, practical religion." (note 143 on 2:143)

Allah has made this Ummah a moderate Ummah. Muslims have to follow the middle path, the path that has no extremes or excesses
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