cant live with husband anymore HELP

Sister. When I was married and seeking to get out.  I hired a Mediator, but that was expensive and not a good solution- because he was so afraid I would take all his money- he felt so threatened and was irate with the mediator. The fact is there was no Mediation unless both parties want it. A divorce laywer is better & cheaper. I did not have family to help me, but if you do move in with them leave him in your old apartment/home. Communicate you are seeking a divorce. You should have atleast one very good friend who you can call anytime of the day to share your frustrations. Divorce is okay, but what makes it hard is the waiting. If you have an irate ex, it adds to the stress.

Try to conteract with peace no matter how he drives you bananas.It is important to try to do good deeds for him, but make boundaries. Just do it to please Allah( swt) and not him. It is when I did these acts that I felt Allah would help me. Creating peace. Make the kids available to him, when he calls, make sure the kids talk to him even if you have to find them outside around the corner. Make your good deeds to him less and fewer, let time slip by. But never be mean to him, just act kind for the sake of Allah, not him.

Sometimes my ex will try to be stubborn, but I remind him of a favor he asked me and I acted without hesitation. Then he becomes more easy to deal with.

Every situation is different and I am sure you have gut feelings of how things should go. Listen to your feelings. Try to stay within the same area of where your husband is now, if he chooses to leave the area to be far from his kids, that's his choice.

For me I live in a very expensive area and I really can't afford to live here, by the grace of Allah (swt) I can survive. Alhamdollilah things are as good as I care for them to be.

The best part is I am single and free! The kids have both their Mom and Dad. I am so much happier away from him. Divorce is worth it. You also need a good representative, so search around for a good lawyer. A women is more in touch with women issues. Make sure she does not intimidate him to comply. Already the nerves will be high & the defense mechanisms will be on.

Best Wishes!

Assalamu'alaikom Wa Rahmat Allah,

 Dear sister,  

 What I shall speak out are ONLY guidances to free myself from any responsibility and stay away from any intention to displease ALLAH (swt) or create any "Fitnah" and be the reason for you leaving your husband.

 As an experienced clinical psychologist, I have been exposed to diverse similar cases where the husband disrespects his wife. The profit Muhammad (saaws) says "Thee best of my nation is thee best to his family (wife)". Contemplating such deep meaning, Islam shone upon the reverse actions of the ignorant and stood up to protect women and enforce their rights in society. Dear sister, if you feel that you are a victim of abuse and disrespect, why allow for the continuation of a chain of agony that will surely adversely affect your children. World-wide statistics show that most of corrupt kids are those whom have been raised under violent and abusive conditions towards their mother, let to the kids themselves.

 Sister, I know that you question how you will manage (if) you get divorced. The answer is simple;you are a believer, so you shall be confident that you will always find a way through any " Baliyya" that serves to test your faith. Allah will set the path for you to find a means of living, let it be work, studying or anything else. Second, I have faith that the Government of Canada is one of the best in helping its people. Shall there be any divorce, and remember divorce is the most despised upon the Halal, I advise you to take control of your life wisely following the chasteness and purity of Islam.

 Sorry for the long response, but one more crucial aspect. You have mentioned that your husband has committed many sins "Haram". I hate assuming, but if your husband has committed adultry " Thayyib Zaanee" then that is a sin that Allah has saved ever-severe punish for, and you may forgive. The question, if you stay with your husband and he didn't change after all those calls for " al-hidaya and al-istiqama" know that it is too late and you have spiraled your kids and yourself into a matrix of the inevitable: you will live the rest of your life miserable and will lose your beloved jewels; now you choose and look beyond today.

 Oh Allah, please forgive me if my intentions were not for your own sake and purify my soul with my humble deeds.

Wa Assalamu 3ala Man Ittaba3al Huda