Question for muslim brothers

Assalamu Alaikum:

Realistic or not, Islamically it is still the husband's responsibility to support his

wife. My husband does not want me to work. This is one way he offers me protection in a country that is not always friendly to Muslim women in hijab. He also sees it as his duty as a man to support me. In fact, I think he would be offended as a man if I told him I wanted to go back to work to pay the bills. We are not rich, but Al HamdilAllah we have everything we need. Masha'Allah. Masha'Allah.

I have a friend with 10 children, and she does not work. Her husband manages to support them all on the salary of a pharmaceutical assistant. They own their own home and her older children are at university. They have food and clothes and everything they need. In fact, only one of my Muslim women friends works outside of the home. No one is starving or homeless yet.

Perhaps it just depends on what you find important.

There is nothing more pleasurable in life and self satisfying than thinking about others than yourself, and when you know you have done good for that person it is the best gift in the world.

Sigh*

All I can say is "whatever" perhaps Sisterherjihad and Jenni are the only ones that feel me on this issue. "Realistic or not" I don't have to do anything as a man. All humans have so-called "free will." I have the will to not get married not support a woman and not do any of the above. However, as a Muslim man to not do such things would defy the rules of God and thus I'd be falling away from the Muslim fold. Mishmish did you not say you live in Texas? Did you know in comparison to California housing as far as taxes are considerably cheaper than California? In California we pay property tax. That alone bites us in the butt. Even if I decided to be cheap and live in a apartment I'd be paying close to $1200 per/month for me and my wife. Not mentioning car payments household expenses etc...Come on give me a break ladies!

We also pay a higher mortage. A monthly mortage even for a so-called "cheap house" is around $2,000 per month depending on the value of your house. Since Sister Jenni live sin northern Cali she can attest to this. Let's do math here. Mishmish and I'll use your friend as an example. I'm not sure what tech's make here but I highly doubt that with 10 kids as a pharmacy Tech can support 10 kids in Cali and be ok. If he made my Salary plus 10 kids with a $2,000 mortage/month he would be forced to do overtime to barely make it.

One thing you women don't get about me is I refuse to allow my family to struggle. My mother worked hard all her life without the help of a man. My grandmother before her used to take of "white folks" houses as a house keeper. My great grandmother before her was a cotton picker and house keeper. So I belong to a long list of hard working women. Realistic or not that philosophy was instilled in me. I feel as a man looking for a woman a woman has to at least be career orient and regardless whether she is independent or not all career orient women who wants a family need to be interdependent.

Yes Jenni someone who makes x3 much more than I make than yes, he can make it definitely. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that when my wife gets pregnant I will say "no you work now!" no I want my woman to be comfortable. But I also want to get to a point in my life where me and my wife are not having kids in a apartment either. I know Muslims who have "10 kids" in a apartment. That is not my goal. I want a house I want pets I want an environment where my kids can be properly raised.

One thing some of you may not realize is Allau alim our situations so I don't think its mandatory of any man to take care of a woman if he knows he will struggle. If you believe that then that is not the Islam I practice. I feel like I'm turning this into a whinning session and I'm not, but clearly stating that it is not always possible to take care of someone if you cannot take care of yourself. Again I'd like those of you to look at your local states in comparison to ours. We as well as New York are the most expensive states in respect to cost of living.

Foody nice noble comment you made but allow me to take the Rosy shades from you........

Edited by Israfil

My personal feeling is that having a few children and giving them a great chance in life with lots of my time and my husbands as well, is better than having 10 kids. Then the older kids end up parenting the younger ones and you never have time alone with your husband. I think 2 kids is great 3 is the max, but that is just me.. If I had 8 kids none of them would be in activities outside of school and we would have to live in a cheaper area with not great schools to have a big enough place. My husband and I would never get to travel, I mean going somewhere with 8 kids, 8 plane tickets, come on. I got married becuase I love my husband, not to just make babies. We want our time together. I am very happy with my 2 kids and plan on spending time traveling in the near future with them both across europe, Inshalla. How would we do that with 8? And what else would you be able to do as a mother besides an endless sea of cooking, laundry and cleaning. That is not what I signed up for, and neither did my husband. Israfil, I think you will find a woman that will meet your needs. Your a good guy!!