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Marriage advice

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Rafiqs View Drop Down
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Female Islam
Joined: 18 April 2021
Location: London
Status: Offline
Points: 2
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    Posted: 18 April 2021 at 12:17am

I’m a 27 Pakistani woman with 2 young sons, I have been married to my Gujarati Indian husband for 5 years. I was living with in laws, my father in law, mother in law, brother in law, his wife and 2 kids and my husbands niece all under 1 house. 
For 5 years I have struggled living under my mils rules of the house, from 7am till 1-2pm everyday me and my sil would leave our kids and we would have to clean the house everyday. Same routine everyday for 5 years. I had no time for my kids, my husband would up and leave at 8-8pm for work so he wasn’t to know what goes on in the house. 
I was my husbands second wife as his first wife had problems aswell and left. 
During these 5 years I have had stated to my husband the problems I have living in that house, the only reply I get is this is my mum you just have to ignore it, if you don’t like it then you can leave. 
So I tried another year and another year and then another. Nothing changed only got worse, for me now it was more mental abuse more then physical Because what u did wasn’t good enough, whatever I did she would still complain I’ve not cleaned this properly or I have done this a certain way. I was very restricted in that I couldn’t come and go if I wanted to see my mum who lives alone I was always restricted, come back at this time because mum will want her food, come back at this time because my mum will be alone. I never had a married life with my husband I was never allowed. He was never allowed to be a husband to me because he was scared of how his mum would react. 
Today I plucked up the courage and left with my kids, I don’t have no issue with my husband, but i am sat at my mums now with this over my head. What Shal I do? My husband has called and said either you come home or our marriage is over. I know if I go back to that house it will be mentally and physically damaging for me. Last 3 years I have suffered from panic attacks due to stress. My 3 year old son has suffered because all day he’s left alone to run wild in the house while I clean behind my mil. He’s been a&e over 5 times due to broken foot, falling of walls etc. I also have a 8 month old baby who I only see when it’s feeding time, the rest of the time he’s sat in his bouncer. I’ve got faith in Allah swt as I know he is the best of planners and my family and everyone around me had said to me have sabr have sabr, but now it’s come to a point that my marriage is in danger. I need some guidance I need to know that leaving that house was the right thing or if it was the wrong thing to do Islamicly. I need help.
Please advise me what to do from here and how to go about things.

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Dr. Aslam View Drop Down
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Male Islam
Joined: 24 February 2018
Location: California, USA
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Dr. Aslam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 April 2021 at 10:13am
Salam Alaikum,
Yours is a story that many of our sisters all over the world would be eager to tell as theirs. A wife is not a servant. A wife is an equal partner in the preservation of a family. What you did to his mom was your gracious attitude. It was his responsibility to take care of his parents. 
You did the right thing leaving that house. If he divorces he you, take your equal rights as defined in a court of law. Your health and your children's welfare is more important than his likes and dislikes. If he has not given you a home and respect that you deserve, then you owe him nothing. Your country has provisions for people in this situation. Use those provisions to live a dignified life not a life dependent upon a man who does not understand your worth.
Stand your ground. Stop being a victim. Take a stand. God is with you and your children. 
If he wants reconciliation, he has to provide a separate home to you.
Aslam

Best Regards,
Aslam Abdullah
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