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Help me please in desperate need of advice

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Lamees View Drop Down
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Female
Joined: 24 February 2019
Location: Cape Town
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    Posted: 24 February 2019 at 1:31am
Asalumuailkum
I am a 22 year old girl, okay so I'm just here to ask for a bit of guidance and help as to what I can do in my situation. So my mother is Muslim and my father is Christian I haven't seen them both for 5 years now. When I was 18 I moved away from my mother to my father cause she was very abusive and use to treat me and my siblings very badly. Then when I moved to my father my mother wrote all ties off with me cause of pride πŸ˜”. I realized that I may have hurt her feelings in the process which I then asked maaf for at my grandma's janazah 2 years ago, she wouldn't forgive me for it so I left. Mean while me and my dad were going off the rocks and he moved out to live with his new wife which left me with my Christian step mother in law I was living a life of haram and still am living in haram. 3 years ago I met this Christian guy we hit it off and started dating (yes I know it is haram, please don't judge cause I am only lost πŸ˜” or was). Me and my step mother haven't been doing well with each other either so I decided to move in with this guy in haram, we have been living together for 2 years now and recently lost our baby. When I wa sprgenant I got in touch with one of my Muslim moms cousins, she then persisted that we were to get married. A few weeks after we got in touch I had a miscarriage and lost my baby. And my bf was not in to the idea of accepting Islam as he didn't quite know about it. Since the miscarriage my aim is to put my self in front of Allah only. I have been starting to re-educate myself on my deen and in the process have been teaching him as well. But he still won't turn to Islam I don't want him to did it for me I want him to see the beauty in it. I have started making my salaah on time while trying Atleast cause my imaan is still a bit shaky. The only problem I have is. I know that I can't guide him unless Allah wants to guide him. So I would have to let go of him. But I just don't know what to do cause I have no where to go. I can't move in with my Muslim aunty cause she doesn't have space for me, and I don't want to go back to my Christina. Step mother cause a whole lot of haram happens there, my step brothers are always smoking weed, drinking and partying in the house which I know won't be good for my deen. Cause they would try and influence me. I have no other Muslim family members to reach out to and I am only a student who gets r985 from my campus for travelling allowances I am on a bursary and I have tried to get accommodation at campus but there is no space. I have also applied for jobs. But still waiting on them to return my call. I have asked my mother for forgiveness and asked her if I could come back but she never replies and doesn't want to see me. My aunty has also tried but she is stubborn. I have asked Allah to forgive me as well for what I have done in pass and to her. I really don't know what to do cause I don't want to stay with him like this in haram but I have no where else to go 😭😭😭😭please give advice
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