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Long story - need help

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Benefy View Drop Down

Joined: 26 January 2017
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    Posted: 13 January 2019 at 5:29am
Assalamu alaikum,

15 years ago I turned back to Islam. Before that I lived like a typical jahil and my lifestyle was rock'n'roll. I had a boyfriend who I loved so much. And the very moment I turned to Islam I broke up with him, and stopped talking to him, etc. But he never left me alone, never gave up, although I changed my phone number, etc. All these years I never stopped loving him. And there are circumstances when I accidentally see him, or he organizes something where he contacts me or we "accidentally" meet. I've been strong for years enough to avoid anything to happen between us. I was married for 2 years to another man (believer) and never married again because I can't feel a thing for anyone else.

A month ago we met again and rush of emotions turned my mind upside down and I can't stop thinking of him. I tried everything. This feeling is getting stronger and stronger by every minute. Last night I tried so hard not to think about him, but then I had a dream.

I need someone to explain to me what to do. It's been 15 years. It's too long period of time. Too long loving someone I mustn't be with. I'm still giving him up for Allah's satisfaction and I don't want to break this sacrifice ever. Is there anyone with any similar situation to mine and how you dealt with it?

I know that Allah is turner of the hearts and I begged Allah to remove this feeling from my heart, but it's not working.
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