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In Laws Issues (What a surprise, I know)

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mh1234 View Drop Down
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Joined: 17 December 2018
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    Posted: 17 December 2018 at 9:28am
Aoa All,

I really wanted some insight on what to do. I've been married to my husband for little over a year now and had my nikkah for almost two years before that. We have a good relationship and good understanding between us.

He has two older sisters that live closeby and he is the only son. My husband isn't very demanding but his one request was to live with his parents after marriage which I agreed to. It has been really hard and it has created problems between us. 

My mother in law has kind of a clingy personality and from the beginning she would complain and criticize me for "not" taking care of her son because she would see him doing things for me. For example he would bring me coffee in the morning because I enjoy having coffee first thing in the morning and may not be presentable in front of his parents early in the morning. Basically it would be little small gestures that he would do out of kindness and she would have a problem with that because to her it meant that I don't take care of her son.

Also my husband works long hours and would leave the house around 7-8 am and comes home around 8-9 pm, sometimes even later. I would try to sit with his mom to keep her company on days that I had time so that she doesnt feel lonely and my husband also tries to take out time for them by spending 30 mins to an hour downstairs with them before going upstairs. Yet THEY constantly complained about being lonely and us not spending time with them.To the point that I decided that maybe I should stay the night at my parents house 3-4 days out of the month so they can spend extra time with their son. Every time we travel and go on vacation his mother cries while we're gone because of how much she misses her son.

Just for background my mother in law and father in law have a very good relationship with each other MashaAllah and he comes home a lot earlier than my husband. Aside from that my sister in laws lives close by (neither of them lives with their in laws) and my mother in law spends a lot of time babysitting their kids, seeing them almost every single day. She also has several friends she sees regularly so she isn't alone.

She has constantly made comments and criticized me (never when her son is there) that I feel anxiety going home or being alone with her because I just don't want to deal with her issues and am honestly scared of her. Now even my father in law makes comments about everything "wrong" that I do in a joking manner. Or I can tell there is an issue because he ignores me when I walk into a room. I pretend to laugh or smile at comments or just try to avoid being around them when my husband isn't present. I'm just very uncomfortable there.

Their mentality is just very old school about how they expect me to be as a daughter in law and a wife and it will never change. I feel extremely uncomfortable living with them because I feel constantly criticized. I really really want to move out and I wouldn't mind being close by but I need to have my space where I can be comfortable in the kitchen etc. I also don't want to be the one to create problems between him and his parents and I feel as if pushing him to move might cause problems between us because he is very sympathetic towards his parents. I don't know what to do. We're also planning on having a child soon and I feel like once we do there is no chance of us moving out. And i'm sure once we have a child that will be another thing that my mother in law will be clingy about and they will criticize me for the way I will raise my child.

Please give me suggestions.
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