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Need desperate help

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khalid140 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 24 October 2018 at 8:52am

Asalam Alykum Wr Wb dear brothers and sisters,
I am in crisis and need desperate help
I need to make an informed decision.

My parents are 75 year old each, father got diagnosed with Alzheimer's, his dementia has worsened and over the past few months it has reached a stage that he is a risk on himself and my mother. I am single, my support system, my sister shifted to another country. So I am taking care of my parents from bathing them, feeding them, taking them for appointments by myself. I am juggling residency (Specialization in surgical field - This is after medical school, usually 4 to 5 years of post graduation) with oncalls (30 hour shifts) - that are 1 in 3 (2 times a week). My father was a business man so all his business comes to my hands. He has no insight and no memory of taking care of himself let alone the business.

I was managing with difficulty, pushing through day by day, Until I collapsed with exhaustion and I was reported by program director as being lethargic and slow at work.

I told them about my social situation and they recommended 1 month off to get support and return back.

I sat down with myself and though this through if I should even continue my residency ( I have 3 years left) as my parents need constant help. And my father is calm when I am around. He is holding on to my shirt like a child the way I was when I was 5 years old. They are elderly, bed bound, multiple diseases and at 75 they need constant care.

I spoke to residency directors and they said get psychiatrist help, sedate your parents or bring housemaids and people to help you but continue your residency.

My parents are my world, they worked so ard for me to reach this place. I cannot leave them in my oncalls, there have been so many incidents of my father getting lost in the neighbourhood or eating something that caused a severe allergic reaction with breathlessness and no one is around to help while I was oncall.

I really don't know what to do. Do I quit residency to take care of them? do I continue residency and be miserable as I will not be able to focus on neither residency, neither his business, neither on them.
If we quit residency, we are automatically placed in health centres where salary is the same as a resident and we do work of a GP.

I need help as I am not able to get support here. The psychiatrist in the wellness centre suggested to tie my parents in the morning and go to work and other professors recommended sedating them !!

I am alone, I have no support, my sisters who used to help me, had to settle in another country. They have toddlers and babies in their families. I have no cousins and no uncles and aunts here.

I did isthekhara and continued to do so and after I did, I saw a dream with blood and dirt and war happening in the Operation theatre. I heard and saw bullets in the operating theatre. I saw blood pool on the floor.

I made lists of pros and cons and what not. But I need to make a decision soon.

Pros of leaving:
- Take care of my parents, it is never a burden and a pleasure
- Placed in a health centre with a GP job which actually pays the same as my previous job
- Be able to take care of my fathers business
- Spend quality time with my parents till they are alive.
- Perhaps, do a part time research degree and a PhD and have a career of researcher

Cons of leaving:
- Middle of my training
- Professors and mentors count on me, have my back and I will be upsetting a lot of people

Pros of staying:
- Completion of degree. Becoming a surgeon but that's it.

Cons of staying in surgery:
- I will struggle through out until I finish in my 5th year
- I will struggle to get fellow ship
- Tonnes of exams, tonnes of difficult hoops to go over
- I will not be able to take care of my parents
- Fathers business will drop or I would have to shut down everything.
- I will never be happy. Because this path needs you to sacrifice EVERYTHING.


I am already struggling with people I encounter in my field. Stubborn, not god fearing, infact surgeons act like gods in the operation theatre. I do not get along with anyone really.
Forget prayers and Ramadan, the environment is full of alcoholics and smokers who have gone out of fold of islam.

After reading, whether you are a medical or non medical person, I would appreciate every single one of you to tell me what would you do?

Awaiting your responses.

JazakAllah khair.

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