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Marriage

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Rahmath View Drop Down
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Joined: 13 July 2018
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    Posted: 14 July 2018 at 12:45am
Assalamu alaikum
     My marriage has just recently been fixed and my fiance is very pious man and im sure he will complete half my deen well. But he is nothing like me. We have no common interests and we are poles apart as individuals. I grew up in the city and he grew up in a village and we have a lot of lifestyle differences because of that. We veryy little common interests and im finding it very hard to start interesting conversations with him . Most of the time our conversations end up as boring lectures given to me by him.   
     I agreed for this marriage because my parents felt after a lot of dua and isthikara that no one would look after me the way he would. And i know they are right. Im a person of a difficult personality and im sure he will handle that well. But i dont feel elated or excited like most girls do after their marriage is fixed. He doesnt have anything in him that i wanted in a husband.. like good looks or good language.. But he tellls me that im the girl of his dreams and that he loves me dearly and that he just cant wait for our nikah..
              The time when this proposal was going on, i had extremely low imaan and i said yes to the proposal without proper dua or isthikara. Now i feel Allah is putting me through a test because of that..
      My fiance wants us to be like best friends but i dont know how im going to give him such a relationship if we have nothing in common. He is very mature and i still have a child in me. He is a person who takes fast decisions and im a very slow person. We are polar opposites. Im scared he will find it difficult once i start living with him and he discovers how different we are since now he feels we have alot in common and i know we dont. I dont want to call this marriage off as im not going to get a gentle man like him anywhere else. I am a person of a very difficult personality and im sure he will handle that well. But i fear if all these differences will hurt our relationship in the future. What do i do?
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Dr. Aslam View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dr. Aslam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 July 2018 at 10:11am
Wa alaikum salam
There is no perfect marriage. If you think, he is honest, decent and mature who will fulfill his responsibilities as a husband, then adjust your attitude towards him. Marriage is to compromise and adjust. He would also adjust and so would you.

Best Regards,
Aslam Abdullah
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 July 2018 at 6:18am
Rahmath, salaams, and welcome. Use this time prior to the marriage to be frank, honest, open and assertive. You may be surprised that he raises to the occasion and isn't as intellectually inept as you imply. People can easily develop interests if you're interesting and present new ideas in a compelling manner. Why allow yourself to be lectured to? Are not conversations a two-way street? Speak up and engage him in dialog. Each of you now have an opportunity to learn from and appreciate the other. Gosh, how fascinating is that? New discovery! Embrace and enjoy the ride. All the best!
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Tim the plumber View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tim the plumber Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 July 2018 at 9:06am
Quote There is no perfect marriage. If you think, he is honest, decent and mature who will fulfill his responsibilities as a husband, then adjust your attitude towards him. Marriage is to compromise and adjust. He would also adjust and so would you.

Yes. I as an atheist western bloke agree. (that should be a surprise)

That said, it is your life. You are an adult now. The fact that you are making decisions about who to marry means that you are adult.

You will have to live with this for the rest of your life.

It will be easy to be the Islamic wife with this man I expect. That will be the right path for lots of women.

It will be more of a challenge the more of an exciting dangerous difficult type of man you eventually choose. You might not ever find one you actully want...

So, to what extent do you want the decent, easy respectful life?

Good luck.

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