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My older sister is sinning

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Amina899 View Drop Down

Joined: 06 July 2018
Status: Offline
Points: 3
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    Posted: 06 July 2018 at 1:54am
Hello everyone,
I am conflicted on what to do about my older sister’s various sinning. She is older than me by a number of years. Some of the things I know she has done for sure: dated non-Muslims, went clubbing, and drank alcohol. Other things are just suspicions and I always give people the benefit of the doubt.
I did not purposely want to know she did these things. I did not snoop around her things. The way I found out these things was because sometimes I would wake up to her conversations with friends on the phone and not knowing what to do, I would pretend to go back to sleep and hear all of these things. In hindsight, that was a terrible thing and I should’ve just woken up fully instead of attempt to sleep again/pretend to sleep. I told her the other day (after being visibly uncomfortable) for her to stop calling her friends in our room (we share a closet for a room) and to go elsewhere when having these conversations.
I’m the type of person to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business, since what other people do is for them and Allah only and I have my own life to deal with. However, one thing that has angered me is that she would guilt me using the deen for so many years, yet here she is doing many sinful things. She is extremely hypocritical.
I can’t talk to her about it, for I am younger than her and have no authority over her whatsoever. It’ll just serve to harm our relationship. I can’t tell anyone in our family, because it’ll just break our family apart. My parents have health issues and are old, and I would really rather not have them stressed. I can’t talk to friends about it because I don’t want her getting the evil eye/most of my friends are not Muslim so they wouldn’t understand the issue. I have no one to talk to about this and although I’m the type to hold my tongue, it’s getting harder and harder to bare alone.

Basically, I can’t talk to anyone, and I have no idea how to cope with all of this.
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Muslimamna View Drop Down

Joined: 27 September 2014
Status: Offline
Points: 2
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Muslimamna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2018 at 7:29am
There are 2 issues here.
One is your resentment towards her using the deen to guilt you over the years which as a result of her perceived actions, now has manifested as anger.
Two is the overly concern for her behaviour and its impact on your parents.

For the first one, you need to deal with your anger or you will only get stressed and more angry. Turn to Allah swt and pray sincerely, spend time remembering Him and do dhikr to help calm yourself down. Understand that we are only accountable for our own actions and not those of others, so focus on yourself and heal the anger within you so you can insha Allah get reward for this and feel better too.

For the second point, what your sister is doing is based on conversations. You have done the right thing to not assume too much and to try and distance yourself from these conversations IN MY OPINION. You did not mention what her response was to your request for her to take calls elsewhere. If she has private conversations in your presence, you could listen to Qur'an on your earphones, leave the room and engage in some other activity to remove yourself from the situation and not feel affected by it so much. Pray for her to be guided and when you have expelled the anger from within, then try to reason with her if this is an option.

The main thing to do is focus on the core problem which is not your sister's actions but their affect on you. Turn to Allah swt. He will always listen to you. You never have to feel like you can't talk to anyone because we are so blessed that whenever we raise our hands and make dua, our Lord hears us and He is the only one who can change things. Be sincere in your dua, remember Allah swt with more frequency. Read more Qur'an to bring peace to your heart and have sincere faith that things will improve.

I hope this helps you cope better and you find peace insha Allah.

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