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sonab View Drop Down
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Joined: 09 April 2018
Location: India
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    Posted: 10 April 2018 at 7:43am
Assalamualekum wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu,

Dear Brothers/Sister,
I never had good relation with my husband and in laws, we used to argue alot. Sometimes it went beyond expectations, lot of physical and mental torture was there. 
I discussed with one of my friends who was a Counselor and he used to make me understand the situation and work on my marriage. I started sharing everything with him gradually and one day when he saw me suffering, he suggested me to go for separation.  I loved my husband so much and never wanted to separate. I was worried for my future so discussed with him and he said, he is ready to accept me but he advised me to go for Istikhara. When we both realized that talking to a non mahram is not permissible we both agreed to cut off and maintained distance. He was also about to shift to abroad permanently so there was no chance to be in touch then.
Then I did Istikhara if leaving my husband good and go for marriage with this person. After few days of Istikhara, my feeling of leaving my husband became stronger as we started arguing and fighting alot. But I neglected my feeling because the feeling of love was more important to me.
I continued Istikhara for approx 20 days and later I came to know that my husband belongs to Qadiani sect and my marriage is not valid with him so I started my research and contacted many scholars and got many fatwas that the marriage is invalid and I am into zina and I should leave him immediately. 
Simultaneously, the other man got call from his new company and he shifted abroad and as we already decided to cut off, his timings were odd so we stopped completely talking to each other and thought of going in halal way and leave everything on Allah.
I separated from my husband and went to my parents' home but they forced me to go back, they all were very hurt with my decision even my husband cried alot and asked forgiveness but since I knew the marriage is invalid and I was also not advised by scholars to tell about Qadiani issues, They suggested to take khula on other terms and not to highlight Qadiani issue as nobody was supporting me. I was pressurized to go back to him so I left my home and went to an Islamic Institute without informing them, But they took me back. It was getting very difficult and he was not ready to sign the khulanama. I asked for my friend's help and he said not to be in touch with him as these people will misunderstand me then. So we stopped talking. 
After few days my husband came and said he doesn't have Qadiani belief andby heart he follows the path of PBUH (peace be upon him) and he goes to Qadiani Jamaat because of his old mother. And will stop going there now.
Then my scholars asked me to go back to him as we have to believe his tongue so I did Istikhara again and came back to him. But after coming back he said, he will continue going to Qadiani mosque only on festivals, offer salah there and meet his relatives just till the time his mother is alive. 
I am still in doubt if I made correct decision or not and still have feeling that this marriage is invalid but I am unable to make any decision as after Istikhara , my feelings were strong of leaving him and felt positive for other person but he also left and we stopped talking, and this separation also didn't work and I came back. Which to follow after Istikhara - Feeling or situation?
Please advise me after going through my matter thoroughly. 

P.S. I saw many dreams as well during Istikhara which clearly shown me the sign of not going back to my Qadiani in laws. 
But I came back and saw another dreams where I was telling my father that Allah has guided me but I couldn't understand HIS guidance so now He has cursed me.

Other person is also not in contact with me since 4 months. We simply decided to go in Halal way if it's written in our destiny. We left this choice on Allah.

Please help me. I am in big trouble.


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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Joined: 05 October 1999
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2018 at 6:30am
Sonab, wa alaikum salaam, and welcome. With respect to your therapist, there often exist a natural transference of affectionate feelings during counseling, which is why to act upon this is unethical. Hopefully he has now realized his error after having been away from you, therefore do not seek after him. Stay with your husband and do your best to treat his family with care and kindness irrespective to their religious beliefs. There is no need for istikhara when the correct path of action is clear.
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Dr. Aslam View Drop Down
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Joined: 24 February 2018
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Dr. Aslam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2018 at 9:41am
Wa alaikum,
If your husband says what he says, then believe him. If he goes to a Qadiani mosque to meet relative, accept that explanation. If he prays there on his own , understand that the prayer can be said anywhere.
But the  important thing is your relations with him. Do you feel comfortable and loved in his company. Would both of you live with peace. If the answer is yes, then the relationship is secure, if the answer is no, then work on relationship and if you realize that the relationship are not working. and there is no room for reconciliation, then think carefully all the options before you take the final decision.
Best Regards,
Aslam Abdullah
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