I Seem To Have A Problem...

DavidC wrote: Is arranged marriage for men an Islamic requirement or is it cultural? I'm confused. Any general comments on "coming of age" in Islam? DavidC

It's cultural.

I looked at all the section headings and still couldn't find anywhere to put this, so I'm sticking it here.

If you couldn't tell, my name is Riz. I'm a 19-year old male, you're probably thinking I should have put this in the 'New Member' section but ... you'll see.

The problem is my father. The reason is marriage. A couple nights ago he told me he's been talking to this family in Pakistan (I live in London, and was born in Africa, for those who are curious) who have a daughter who is also 19, and that they want to introduce us. He said that he wants me to get to know her ... for obvious reasons. He sent me a picture of her, and told me that her father has already given my dad his phone number so that me and this girl may talk on the phone.

I don't understand this. I really don't want to have this sort of marriage. For starters, I'm not even thinking about marriage since I'm only 19, what's worse is that I have exams at university in 6-8 weeks and I really don't need this bothering me right now.

My dad said that since I'm the only son from his side of the family, that I must do this to 'continue our bloodline', and that it is a responsibility I have to everyone in the family. I mean, I respect my parents and everything, but I think they're trying to make me feel guilty into doing this. He sent me an email with her picture in it, and said "Dont you think she is attractive?" I mean, he's not being fair, is he? Whether I think she's attractive or not is irrelevant, I should not have to be put through this.

Maybe my attitude is a reflection of my western upbringing, but surely I have a say in all this? I don't agree with how this is being done, and I don't agree at this being when I haven't even finished university (I only just started in September) What do I do? I'm sure my dad means well, but I don't want this.

He tells me that this girl is doing a Masters in Computer Science and while that is impressive, it doesn't really bother me. He said that parents finding partners for their kids is the right way, but I disagree. When this happens, parents are looking for people who they think is good for their child, not who the child thinks is good for them. This is placing unnecessary stress on me, I can't even sleep properly at night due to this.

He also tells me that interracial marriages are doomed. He points out my cousin who married a white woman, they got divorced (Which is a shame 'cause they got 3 kids). He said these marriages don't work, but I know a lot of them do. I hope you are still with me?

What's wrong with me finding my own woman? A woman who I get along with and have met myself with no interference from anyone? So what if she happens to be a white woman? So what if she isn't a Pakistani? At the end of the day, we'll both be Muslims and we'll both be happy together. A white womans blood is no different to an Asian womans blood. We're all human.

I don't know what to do.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. It's 11:45 here and I've got to get some sleep.

Thanks...