I Seem To Have A Problem... |
Post Reply | Page 12> |
Author | |
falcon_shark
Newbie Joined: 04 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 17 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Posted: 14 May 2005 at 2:30pm |
Salaam all! Speak to the girl like your father asked. Get to know her and then decide if you want to take it further. If not explain this with your reasons to your father. At least you'll have given her a chance. Who knows she might be really nice. Get to know her and try to relax into the conversations. Don't, deliberately be difficult and talk about what interests both of you. You might just fall in love anyway. Try not to think of it as 'Oh this is all being forced upon me.' Act like this is what you want to do. Hope this helps. Goodluck in life and always turn to Allah and the Qur'an. There is where the true answers lie.
|
|
jalillah
Groupie Joined: 10 April 2005 Location: Antarctica Status: Offline Points: 77 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
my oppinion may or maybe not suited to your issue but here... it is any way...just do your study, marry who ever you please where and when to who for what and why but whatever it is make it.. that it will please everyone including yourself...and dont forget to seek allahs guidance before you begin any journey in making decision...inshaallah...brother. Edited by jalillah |
|
May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..
|
|
alaa_k
Starter Joined: 11 April 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 5 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Salam, brother... I agree with the many things that have been said above. I believe that in most instances you should obey your parents. But this is one where, if you think, you parents decision is not right, you should not obey it. Thik about it... A marriage is for life. Once you marry this girl (whom at this point you don't even know), she will be in your house, in your life, all the time every where... If you decide that there's something you don't like about her later on, there's nothing you can do. So, my suggestion is, listen to your parents, but be very careful. I can understand your fathers concerns about you getting married, but remember, he will not need to live or deal necessarily with the person you marry, so he will not be as careful and thoughtful in this area. This is an area where you have to think for yourself and maybe stand up for yourself. You should get married, when you want to and to whom you want to and not before. Otherwise, you may be stuck with a woman - who may be good in many respects - but who you will not like and not be happy with FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. So listen to your father, but be cautious. |
|
IslamicGirl
Senior Member Joined: 13 March 2005 Status: Offline Points: 120 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
....oh, 'n all da best wit uni' 2 :)
|
|
IslamicGirl
Senior Member Joined: 13 March 2005 Status: Offline Points: 120 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Salams Brother! I can see his point of view if you're dating/seeing someone and he does not like it because it's against Islam and there's temptations there. However, he needs to know that whatever you do, you have to answer to God in the end (not him). I'm sure you've got a straight head, Insha Allah, with a bit of dua from everyone who is touched by your story and a bit of openness and honnesty with your dad.. you'll be able to set your priorities straight with him. If he pressures you too much, just get the girl's contact, tell him you need time to talk to her etc... and tell the girl exactly what you feel. I mean you won't be making up stuff with your dad, you'll still probabley make him hopeful making him believe that you and the girl are trying to get to know eachother b4 marriage. Tell your dad it's just a matter of time 'till you know if it'll happen between the two of yous. You never know... you 2 may/may not become good friends in the end whether it works out or not. Maybe you'll find her to be a great person to talk to and consider marrying her months or.. I don't know.... years later. You just don't ever know who Allah Ta'la has written to be in your life (and for what reason/s). Peace Brother & All the Best! Salams. |
|
Mustafaa
Senior Member Joined: 17 November 2001 Location: Turkey Status: Offline Points: 986 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
I can't add anything to what has already been said to you above. I just wanted to add the du'a that may Allah save you from your distress and worries and may He get your parents to understand you. (Personally, I wouldn't say no to an arranged marriage if I liked the girl. But, of course, you do not have to think like me. Perhaps you don't like the girl. May Allah help you, brother.) Edited by Mustafaa |
|
There is no deity but Allah. Muhammad is the (last) Messenger of Allah.
|
|
blond
Senior Member Joined: 30 March 2005 Status: Offline Points: 218 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
I courted in the tradition of Islam before I married. I looked for many years and selected the person whom I decided was best to help me in life. A parent naturally has more wisdom than their children. However, I believe that this world's systems are breaking down because our parents have deviated from the Straight Path of Allah. I have heard of this Pakistani cultural tradition as it was applied to me by a Pakistani family. Their daughter wanted to marry me, and I her, but her parents forbade it. This has had a profound impact on my development in Islam. I learned from it. You are only 19, that is a young age. Being that you are distressed, that does not make for good decision making. Fast and pray if you are able. She may just be the girl of your dreams, but she may not be. Allah will make all things manifest. Thank you. |
|
ummziba
Senior Member Female Joined: 16 March 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1158 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Riz, I really feel for you, brother. This is a very hard trial. Trying to please our parents and Allah can sometimes cause conflict, especially when our parents are so caught up in un-Islamic, cultural beliefs. Perhaps one way of approaching this is to try to have a heartfelt talk with your father about how much your deen means to you. In this way, you can show your father that obeying Allah and being a good Muslim are absolutely your top priorities. Then, gently explain that Islam does mean being kind to parents, but not at the cost of disobeying Allah. Point out that Allah says there is no difference in human beings, that we are not to be racial or nationalistic. Let your father know how much you love him and how much you cherish his guidance. But, also let him know that obeying Allah is most important, therefore his arguements about mixed marriages are misguided. Talk to your father about your future plans (education, marriage, and so forth), so he has an idea of where you are heading. He may be afraid that being single and in university might be a dangerous, tempting situation for a young, single man. If you can get across to him your honourable intentions for your future he may not be so anxious about marrying you off! I don't know if any of this will help, especially if your father goes to a masjid full of men who feel the same cultural ideals as he does; this only reinforces his misguided thinking. Is there someone your father respects who you could have talk to him about this? I pray that Allah will help you overcome this trial and that He will provide you with a pious wife. Pray sincerely to Allah, often. He does answer prayers! Peace, ummziba. |
|
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~
|
|
Post Reply | Page 12> |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |