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2nd wife

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aishag88 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 18 March 2006 at 12:52am

 Asalaam Alaikum sisters,

 i am just wondering, Would any of you consiterd being a 2nd wife? If  you know the man follows Allah's commands and would treat you right, would you?

To Allah is our return
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ummziba View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ummziba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 March 2006 at 4:33am

Assalamu alaikum,

Yes, as long as the man was pious and treated all wives with respect and equality (as far as housing and so on).  I probably would have answered no if I was a lot younger!  At my age, being alone is not a good prospect.

Peace, ummziba.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~
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Jenni View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jenni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 March 2006 at 12:02pm
No way, I would rather be alone with my kids. And I don't think in any western country this can be done in fairness and it is illegal. All of the people that I know of that have more than one wife here are only married to one legally and the rest islamically. That means the other women and thier children have no rights. The guy can divorce her any time and she would have to prove paternity to get child support, she would have no right to alimony because she was never legally married. ANd many of the women who are second, third, fourth wifes in the west collect welfare, food stamps and government housing since few men can support the women. They are a drain on society and the men get a free ride. And how can a man have health insurance for two families? What company would provide that? How would he introduce his wives to people? What would his co-workers, neighbors ect think? What would the kids tell other kids at school? The whole idea of polygamy in the U.s. or any western country is a disaster and again illegal!! Maybe it works for some women in kuwait, or saudi but for most women and men I think it is a bad choice, and one I would never make!!
You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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Abeer23 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Abeer23 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 March 2006 at 9:01pm

Aisha, are you considering becoming a 2nd wife?

Salaam

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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 March 2006 at 9:27pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aishag88 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 March 2006 at 12:27pm

 Asalaam Alaikum,

 Yes, honestly, I am thinking about it. But understand that i know the problems with this. But the man who is asking me is giving me a very good opprotinte. he is a convert, which i wanted to marry a convert because i hear that there are a lot of problems with converts and Arab/Indian marrying cuz of culture reasons, and commiution issues.

 He has also lived in saudi for the last 6 years, and he knows arabic. Thats a big plus for a convert to know arabic, and we would  live in saudi. i could be a teacher, i could live in saudi...I never wanted to stay in the untied states anyway, but if i marry any convert most likley i would never leave.

 But sisters...I dont wnat to make a stupid choice, and I feel that is what i am doing.

To Allah is our return
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Jenni View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jenni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 March 2006 at 1:07pm

Would you have  your own house? Your own maid, car and driver like the Saudi women do? Or would you have to live with the other woman. I would go and see what the plan is before you jump into something like that. How often will you see him? Will he be able to provide well for you and kids in the future and his other family? There are many many things to consider. And if things don't work out and you have kids you'll be stuck there.

 

You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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Abeer23 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Abeer23 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 March 2006 at 12:01am

The questions that Jenni has given you are good ones.  You'll want to know these things.  Also, ask him to let you meet his first wife, if not in person than by phone for now. 

Salaam

 

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