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Addictions / mariage / boyfriend ! Help !!

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Unregistred17 View Drop Down

Joined: 08 May 2016
Location: France
Status: Offline
Points: 1
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Unregistred17 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Addictions / mariage / boyfriend ! Help !!
    Posted: 08 May 2016 at 11:26am
Hello , I need your help! But first of all I would like to say that I'm very aware that I am a sinner (May God forgive me ) and that I am not a good Muslim because I stopped praying and I don't wear hijab but I'm really trying to get in the right path inshallah !
I really hope you can help me brothers and sisters and that you will not be too judgmental with me . Also forgive my English , I'm actually French.

So here is the story, two years ago I met a guy from my high school, at first we were just close Friends but after he confessed to me his feelings I finally decided to date him. He's a great guy Mach'Allah, very caring and intelligent. I really really love him and I think he would be the perfect husband for me inshallah. Even if I know having a boyfriend is haram in Islam, I still decided to date him just because I live in a country where everyone dates before marrying or at least most of Muslim teenagers. And I know it sounds so st**id but I'm not trying to find an excuse for my sins , I know we are in the haram which why I am really impatient to marry him.
The thing is , we are both only 18 , and once again in my country 18 is considered way too young to marry. We've only been dating for a month now but I feel like I've known him all my life. However even if we spoke about getting engaged this summer I still think now is too soon to marry him because I want to spend more time together to be really sure and also because we can't financially speaking.
The problem is I can't help feeling guilty , I feel like the more time we spend together the more our sin is getting bigger ( if that makes any sense). And this problem leads to another one. As girlfriend and boyfriend we do have physical relationships, obviously we don't have sex but there is touching and kissing ( may allah forgive us again ) and I know we both have no intentions of crossing the limits but I have to admit it's been really hard recently as we are both teenager and we both have hormones. However we spoke about it yesterday and we decided to try and make efforts because it is so wrong and against Islam's rules . But once again that leads to another problem, and this time the problem has to do with me !
It's really not easy for me to confess but I'm going to , because I really need your help and I really want Allah to forgive me inshallah and I want to get rid of my problem . For 3 years now I've been dealing with porn and masturbation addiction. No one knows about this , not even my parents because I am too ashamed of it and I'd rather die than telling people .God said not to share your sins but I'm doing this anonymously and it is my last option , I really have no one to turn to. I've been clean for 3 weeks now because being with my boyfriend has motivated me to have a healthy and sane relationship in the future when we will both be husband and wife inshallah. But I've started sinning again because of the sexual desire that we both have.
I don't know what to do anymore ! I keep on asking for Allah forgiveness but I know it's not enough ! I can't stop seeing my boyfriend because I love him and he loves me too , I can't marry him to put an end to my addiction because it's not right and we are too young anyway.... And obviously I can't tell him about it , I would be too ashamed...

Thank you if you read everything , Please I really need your help...

may Allah forgive us all brothers and sisters and make us enter Jannah inshallah
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Aziza25 View Drop Down

Joined: 04 February 2018
Status: Offline
Points: 16
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Aziza25 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 February 2018 at 8:30am
Salam sister, I believe that there is no other solution here than trying to get married as soon as possible. Because, lines have been already crossed and it'll only go further and further if you keep seeing each other. Try to talk to some wise adult of your family (an ant for example) and he should do the same. They can help you convincing your parents for getting married
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Amina899 View Drop Down

Joined: 06 July 2018
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Points: 3
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Amina899 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 July 2018 at 2:05am
Hello! I think it is best that you separate yourself from him for a little bit of time. Knowing someone for one month at the age of 18 is not at all enough to know ether you want to be with him for the rest of your life. That’s call infatuation, not love.
Let’s think logically sister. Do either of you have a degree? Are you guys working towards degrees? Do any of you guys have stable jobs?
Marriage isn’t just about having intercourse, it’s about being able to care for one another as mature people. Don’t rush into things, you’re young, and you have so much time ahead of you.

The best advice I could give you is just to wait and to stay away from him a bit. Your judgement is a little clouded since you fancy him so much, so take some time for yourself and work on your own identity.
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Muslimamna View Drop Down

Joined: 27 September 2014
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Points: 2
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Muslimamna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2018 at 7:40am
Salaam sister, turn to Allah with an open heart, repent sincerely and try to fast to quell your desires. Seek knowledge so you understand more deeply Islam, the reasons why such actions are forbidden and have an educational plan to not only increase your knowledge but also keep yourself occupied. Insha Allah this will all help.

Where your relationship is concerned, things will improve once you delve deeper into the reasons why such relationships and behaviour is not allowed. Insha Allah reasoning will help and aid in controlling your desires. Do not give up. You have sincerity Mash Allah which is why you have turned for help and are actively trying to stop sin. Insha Allah things will be easier for you. Have faith, stay strong and keep trying.

Also try and have the difficult discussion about both your future. You only have two real choices - to marry or stop the relationship. You say marriage is not possible but see what steps you can take to make it possible and until then refrain from meeting as much. You say you love this boy, remember that love is wanting the best for the other person and what better thing can we wish for than Allah's pleasure and Jannah? Seek both those things for yourself and for him through doing the right thing insha Allah.

May Allah make things easy for you Ameen.
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