separation from husband

Bismillah,

Dear Sister, I am so sad to hear of your distressful situation.  ISA you will be cured by Allah, SWT of cancer and have a long life and maybe have children also.

If you can afford this apartment you have, then why not schedule time alone with your husband, like dates, at least a couple of times a week at first, or whatever, to slowly ease him into spending more time with you, especially during your illness?

It may not be ideal, but if you can find some happiness, more than you have now, ISA, that will give you contentment and peace.  Because it seems clear that right now he is not listening to your needs.

(If he won't go to the apartment for the night or weekend, would your inlaws do that much for you?)

Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim,

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah wa barkatuhu,

May allah give you health, long life and all good of this world and the next, insha allah, Ameen.

No it is not wrong if you wish to have your own home. Your religious duties are towards your own parents, but not towards your husband's parents. However we must behave well with our inlaws since a good gesture towards other muslims, and elderly is required from us.

Your husband has duties towards his parents and sisters, however he should be giving you your marital rites. If you can manage this with good behavior, conversation, and in general a continued galant persuation.

Meanwhile try to make the most of those times in which your husband visits you. Perhaps spend sometime out of the city, on a long weekend. Think how to add quality to the moments you spend with him rather than worrying too much on their quantity. Pray to Allah to ease you from the situation. When you are together with your husband, spend sometime remembering Allah, be it anything for example counting on His blessings and jointly sending Him gratitude.

If your husband cannot tell his parents he wants to move out, for the fear of hurting their feelings, you can have his permission to talk to them yourself. If you have friendly relations with his sisters, try taking thier help in the matter.

Hope you resolve your family issues in congeniality and good humor insha allah.

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

kaki, is there any possibility of getting a duplex side by side. That way you have your own door and house with a lock, but you are right next to your husbands family. My brother in law and his wife lived with my husbands mother when they were first married. It was a total disaster, they did not get along at all. Eventually they decided to split the house and live side by side. My sister in law now has her own house and comes and goes as she pleases. She does not anser to my mom in law or other in laws at all. And her and her kids and husband have privacy. But they are right next door and the kids go to see thier grandma every day and my brother in law checks in on her all the time as well. They invite her over at least once a week for dinner and she invites them over too. It is really the best situatuion for them and I'm sure if they would have stayed living together only divorce would have happened. At least now the kids have thier parents together and thier grandma close by. Peace P.S. Who does you husband think he will grow old with? His parents or you?  When they are long gone and have passed he will be very grateful to have a faithful companion and not be alone. I would remind him of that...

Dear Kaki,

I am sorry to hear about your struggles..there is no easy decision.

Does your husband understand the situation with your health? Does his family? Cancer and its treatments are very debilitating and exhauting. Its hard to be 'up' and able to meet people halfway when one is dealing with such an illness.

may i ask, how do u find urself as "guests" when they're around. maybe you have to be extra nice to them?

I think its great that she should be extra nice.. but this is not day to day life. She is dealing with cancer. Her husband needs to support her!  This is when she needs the comfort and care. Being around alot of people can add to one's exhaution.

My prayers are with you Kaki.

Hayfa