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How long?

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sakeena View Drop Down
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    Posted: 30 December 2005 at 6:02am

As-salaam alaikum

I've been having this converstaion with my sister and brother for about a week now and haven't really come to a solid decision. So, how long should a woman and man know eachother before they get married? My sister knew her husband for 2 months before they got married. My bro says a man and woman should know eachother for at least 4 years. Not like, DATING for 4 years, but getting to know eachother. I say 1 year. What do you all think is best? 

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Angela View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angela Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 December 2005 at 7:03am

I knew my husband just under a year when we became engaged.  We had a long engagement though....so we were together for 3 years before the wedding.  I wouldn't suggest that.  Too much temptation.  Getting to know the person is important, I suggest a short engagement though.  A year sounds good.  4 years is a bit much, 2 months I feel is not enough time to see a persons true colors. 

Remember, this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with.  This is going to be the father of your children and their role model.  You want to make sure you are making the right choice.  You want a good man who will be a great father and good provider.  If he has a temper, you should be able to see that within a year.  I know few people how can play a role for that long without breaking character.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sakeena Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 December 2005 at 9:34am

Ah yes, a temper. That is the thing I'm most worried about. I thought being Muslim would cancel out all that "mad" crap. But men are men, and when they get "mad", they seem to forget about whatever religion they practice  I would certainly appreciate a man that could control his emotions, especially anger.

Anyway, a year is good enough for me ^^ Although I haven't really been looking to get married. Just thinking about it.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote herjihad Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 January 2006 at 5:51pm

Bismillah,

I don't think time is the best measure for this, although it is a start and a good guideline.  We are instructed in the Hadith that we don't know a person until we have seen them in many different aspects of life such as business, personal, at home with his family, at work with his peers, with children, under pressure, with money problems, without money problems and on and on.   Did you read Ummziba's list of questions for a proposed spouse?  It's here under Sisters.  Asking thorough questions on important personal issues encourages a marriage with mutuality and companionship.

Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sakeena Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 January 2006 at 4:42am
 Ah thank you! I will go and read that ^^
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