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Your views on male/female friendships

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Sundas View Drop Down
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    Posted: 18 December 2005 at 8:05am

Assalamoalikum. This is my first post... so please bare with me.

Earlier 2day, i was watching TV and there was a program about weather or not females should befriend males. There were speakers there who spoke from many points of views; Islamic point of views, Feminest Point of view, Neutral point of view, and also a Male who had no problem what so ever. There were many positive points and many negative points.

I personally thing that, especially living in the US at this age, it is impossible to grow up without making friends of the oppisite gender. If you don't, you are considered "odd" or "wierd" and many other lables are placed upon you. Also, i belive it is acceptable to have friends of the opposite gender as long as u know your limits.

A friend is some one you can trust, some one  u can call upon when you need help, or just some one you know is there for you no matter what. I dont think gender, race, ethnic background, or mentality should interfere with any of that.

If you look up the word "friend" in the webster dictionary, it states that a friend is "A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade; One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement; Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker."

What is your point of view on the topic?

Sundas
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ASHI View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ASHI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 December 2005 at 2:48am

Wslm Sundas,

well i agree with u that friendship between males n females is fine as long as they dont cross their limits...

i mean just sharing of useful info or having an emotional attachment is ok....we r social beings n need 2 have friends or some1 we can easily speak 2.....n it depends on individuals too...if they r comfortable discussing their probs or their daily life with the opposite gender...i think its fine...but i dont know how far this is Islamically correct...

"Expect great things from God, Attempt great things for God."
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Angel View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 December 2005 at 5:00pm
Originally posted by Sundas Sundas wrote:

A friend is some one you can trust, some one  u can call upon when you need help, or just some one you know is there for you no matter what. I dont think gender, race, ethnic background, or mentality should interfere with any of that.

My kind of thinking

The same with love, it knows no boundaries

~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ASHI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 December 2005 at 2:13am

1 of my muslim friends, a girl is getting attracted 2 a hindu guy....coz most of her colleagues r hindus....

she says that her parents will never agree for this n will get hurt.....wot is she supposed 2 do....???

"Expect great things from God, Attempt great things for God."
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Nausheen View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Nausheen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 December 2005 at 2:59am

Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim,

Islamically any relationship between a man and woman (who are not mehram to each other), beyond that which is "necessary" is not permissible.

We are living in such societies where there is free mixing of sexes. Young men and women must be guided by their parents, teachers and guardians about their limits. Say for example mixing in workplace is out of necessity, while hanging out in shopping malls, cafes, sports centers, etc is unnecessary, and must be avoided.

There is no need to make friends from opposite genders and attach oneself on an emotoinal level in schools, colleges and universities, when there is no dearth of intelligent and supportive individuals from one's own gender.

If young people fear being labled as odd or wierd, pair with one of your ownkind .. ie a muslim. This way the trend of labels may change for you as an exception for being a muslim.

I may sound conservative or orthodox, but Islam does not allow treding on a road that may lead on to further complications.

Peace,

Nausheen



Edited by Nausheen
<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa

Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena

wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
[/COLOR]
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote herjihad Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 December 2005 at 11:56am

Bismillah,

It is easy to tell people not to do a thing.  It is hard to imagine that they will listen all of the time.  We need to give the young Muslim sisters guidance they can really follow in THEIR lives.  I stress THEIR because they are not going to take advice which doesn't help them.  They will just ignore it.

However, if they have muhram men involved in their lives and really taking care of their responsibilities, then they don't have to worry about the following "alone with a guy"  advice .

Sisters, never meet with your male friend, no matter how dear he seems to you, alone in a secluded place.  Can you do that without being too wierd?

Well, maybe you can't for one reason:  Cars.  Getting to and from a place often involves getting rides from people, and that might seem hard to you to not go because only a guy can give you a ride.  And most likely the guy is fine and there is nothing to worry about.  Well, still I advise against it.

But if you are going to ignore that:  Always get his full name, phone number, registration, car color and make, his home phone number and address.  Write this down along with where you are going and when you will be back and give it to your other friend that will check to be sure you are where you are supposed to be and that you arrived safely.

And if something bad happens TO you, TELL.

Also, when you befriend someone and he says that he just wants to be friends and he continues to say that, well, sisters, it may not be true.  People cherish love in their hearts for years and don't reveal it unless they think the other person feels the same way.

For your friend who loves a Hindu: Will he convert for you?  Will your family or his family ever accept your marriage?  Think about the realities of life, like how will you raise the children, Hindu or Muslim?  Look in the sister's section under questions for possible spouse, something like that, that Ummziba posted.  There are many more pertinent things for your friend to consider. 

Love is a flame and may burn out with all of the wind the answers to these questions generate!



Edited by herjihad
Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ASHI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 December 2005 at 1:18am

well thanks 4 all ur advices....i too have conveyed the same 2 her...

i dont think this is possible...i mean he converting or his parents or her parents accepting...

lets hp 4 the best...

"Expect great things from God, Attempt great things for God."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ASHI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 March 2006 at 2:23am

Salaam,

well...tell u wot??? the guy is willing to convert....the thing is..he is already an atheist, though his parents r hindu. He doesnt believe in the existence of God it seems..but he is willing to convert for my friend's sake..is this correct??

but it wud still hurt both of their parents...wot do u guys feel..???

"Expect great things from God, Attempt great things for God."
ASHI
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