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Marrying to a Buddhist Girl

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ibaha411 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 January 2015 at 4:39pm
Salams All,

I am a muslim boy and I have been seeing a Buddhist girl. We are both educated and getting some graduate degrees(PhD) in USA, inshAllah soon.
There is a strong connection between us... ultimately said that she has to convert to Islam for me to be able to get married to her, I know but she already has many characteristics that a muslim ought to have (that's how I loved her, she has a great heart and rightful person even in situations better than me). If I had an option to let her live with her belief, I would do it, but that's not an option in Islam. And I can't let her in hell-fire... (this is what it is). This will be more clear to me as I grow up, I will "as normally happens to anybody" get more religious & spiritual and would be more concerned about it. I am not a person to push her to convert to Islam as well, and she has to learn and believe and feel it within her heart then should convert. I would be willing to walk with her on learning islam, but getting myself on this issue and being into act of teaching islam might backfire, away her from islam. I am confused how to deal with this situation. Anyone had a similar experience and can explain her/his experience, please? I am very confused about this. I appreciate your comments, ideas and suggestions. (Please don't comment if don't put your empathy in)
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NABA View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NABA Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2015 at 11:00am
In my point of view you should end this relationship because she is accepting islam because of you not because of its beauty, moreover the biggest problem is after marriage her family members will have their own festivals and she may parricipate in that and automatically you will aso have to participate, another point there is no concept of gf/bf in islam, if you like a girl you can approach through her family,moreover there is no I will do in islam, who guarantee you that tomorrow you will live???? If you want to learn islam, time is NOW!!! Go and get Quran daily read it with understanding and then you will learn deen,Allah in ch 2 v 221 of Quran says a believing slave is better than a non believing woman even if she allures you.Allah in ch 3 v 85 says if anyone chooses religion besides islam he will be a looser in hereafter.Allah in ch 29 v 69 says if you strive in way of Allah, Allah will open pathways for you.pray to Allah to grant you righteous spouse.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2015 at 3:31pm
As salaamoalaikum. First, I want to encourage you to not ignore advise that may be given to you even if it is given without empathy. You just could find yourself ignoring advise that you actually need to hear.
Most muslims would say that it is normal to be attracted to nonmuslims because they are people too. But as you get more religious, a person's deen becomes more important to you. Right now, I would assume that the deen is not as important to you. Because you would not have leaned towards really wanting to marry her. And how do I know that you feel this way? Because you do not want to hear advise that you consider nonempathetic.
I would never call myself a religious person but I would say that I try to practice islam. As a human being, I am attracted to Amish men and Southern hillbillies that have clean looking skin. But as a muslim woman, I try not to entertain my admiration for them because they are off limits for me islamically. What a muslim needs to think about in what they need for a healthy marriage would be a person's deen. Would this person encourage you to practice islam strongly. Would she encourage you to make fajr ontime each day, fast extra days outside of Ramadan,is she kind etc. She may be a great person but would she encourage you to practice islam well so that you can get to Jinnah? If those things are not more important to you then I would understand why you want to marry her. If those things are important to you then I don't understand why you want to marry her.
Your life is just not want you want in the moment. You must think about your future. Allah said that they are haram women. So why are you still needing advise about what you should do?
You put yourself to want to marry her because islamically you are not on the right path. Don't think that I am being too critical of you because I too was once in that situation. I did not value the deen like I should have. For example, I married a guy who only prayed 3/5 prayers 9/10. Even though, we married the halaal way, and our courtship was chaperone, I was surprised when I had to divorce him. My sister told me that if I practiced islam the way it is suppose to be practiced then I would have never married a guy who did not put deen first in his life. I knew that he did not pray 5 times a day. But I believe that I would be able to change him etc.
You already know that she does not believe in islam, so I really don't understand why you want to marry her. You said that you don't want her to go to hell but you may go too.
How is your deen?
Why should it be your obligation to teach her islam? There are women in islam too. I am sure that you could get her connected to some practicing sisters.
Shaitan plays on people's weaknesses. And you must ask yourself what is yours?
Are you attracted to women who show their body out in public. And so therefore, this Buddhist lady is your type in that way, and much more? Why cant you find a muslim women who is religious and who would help you in this life for the hereafter?
Your marriage with her is not going to work. She is Buddhist and you are muslim. She does not even believe in one GOD.
You say that she has good heart, but so do Atheist.
You are comparing yourself to her. But I have no idea how well you are practicing islam. If you are a guy who drinks then she does not then of course, you would think that she is doing better than you.
I would say stay away from her. At this point you may not be strong enough to not love her more and even walk away from her.
I think that you need to fast and ask Allah to give you wisdom and the courage to make good choices about your life that would be good for you.
Read quran.
PS> I hope that you don't find my advise is too harsh. You live in America, so therefore you will find yourself being attracted to nonmuslims. And it is your responsibility to keep yourself islamically focused.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ibaha411 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2015 at 3:55pm
Salam Naba,

It is a love between us. This word has different meanings to a variety of people, I think. It is worth noting that I am trying to find such a way that won't hurt my belief (iman) and won't hurt my beloved friend, you should appreciate me for striving for this!

I neither want her to blindly convert to islam, nor I want to end this relationship. This is an issue that requires me to work hard.

I hope to find some advise, if there is any, from those who had or seen this kind of experience/situation. There are many incidents that muslim man married to non-muslim but Ehl-i Kitab girls. I can see these around me and on internet as well. But in my case, she is a buddhist girl, so it is very different.

Allah knows the best, and I am trying learn more and trying not to make a big mistake before acting for this.

I appreciate your comments.
Salam,
Ismail Baha
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2015 at 3:57pm
I said that deen is not important to you. I made an unfair judgement of you. I don't know your deepest thoughts about her. What I should have said is that you are allowing shaitan to whisper to you. And his goal is to lead you astray 100 percent. If you are thinking or doing something that Allah has forbidden, then that means in that area you are off the path islamically.
My replies are direct and I try to speak with complete genuinity. So I apologize if it sounds like I don't have compassion for your situation.

Your feelings could have all started from you not practicing to lower your gaze at these women:)

Edited by lady - 11 January 2015 at 4:05pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ProudSlave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 February 2015 at 10:32am
AA I am brand new here and have not been Muslim for very long. The only reason I am responding to you is because I am a Muslim who IS married to Buddhist woman, so I have a little insight into this type of situation.

Both my marriage to her and the birth of our 4yr old daughter took place before my conversion. This makes me feel like I have no right to expect changes to her faith nor impose mine on the child who we share. My daughter does enjoy performing Salah with me, but I do not try to stop my wife from feeding her Haram food because she was doing so long before I converted. In a weird way, I have to acknowledge the fact my commitment to this family predates my commitment to Allah. I have no doubt my daughter will find her way, she would follow me off a cliff and tries to be as much like me as possible. Unfortunately, I also believe my wife never will. This causes me great sadness because while I am quite capable of protecting her physically (specially trained in "Dignitary Protection"), I feel incapable of protecting her spiritually and have had to accept the literal meaning of "til death do us part"

I will never say I regret marrying my wife. Not only do I love her madly, but our union brought me the wonderful blessing that my daughter is. However, if I had to give a brother advice, it would be - If you truly know you will be a Muslim for your whole life, seek a mate who shares your commitment to Islam before unbreakable bonds are formed and lifelong commitments are made, as it will most likely result in a more harmonious marriage.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ibaha411 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 February 2015 at 7:35am
Selam Brother (ProudSlave),

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am really in deep love with this girl, she is from Nepal. I loved her the way she is because I saw the beautiful heart she has. In my regards of life we have same thoughts, even when it comes to Islamic rules of daily life, she acknowledges what I say. I sometimes tell about Allah and his Prophets as well, she listens to me carefully. Just other day, how a person should be in general (with the light of islam) like not to steal, not to have a rightful due, to help needy etc., and she said I agree all of these to me.

I feel not to be able to ask her to convert to Islam directly because if she converts to Islam just to marry me, it will not be sincere and it will be a big lie. Allah wouldn't want this I think. So I am trying to tell her time-to-time about Islam and we talk about Buddhism as well. Recently I have been searching and discussing about Buddhism with my muslim friends as well. I am finding similarities of both in spiritual sense and I am very surprised about it. And I am telling these things to her. We are not in a rush, we still have a school to be finished (at least one year). And during this time insallah things will get better and we will learn more about each other. I would be so happy to learn more about your experience and if you had any difficulties, and how you solved them... (if you would prefer to write me private, my email is: ibaha411(at)gmail(dot)com) Thank you very much for your message, I really appreciate it.

Sincerely,
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ibaha411 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 February 2015 at 7:46am
Response to "Lady": you seem to know a lot, but from an experienced muslim, I would expect to hear instructive advice, not other way around. I dunno why you are prejudging my deen; maybe shaitan is not whispering, but Allah wants me to be with this girl so that I may teach her something about Allah, isn't that possible? Also I don't think it is easy to find someone who loves you very much and whom you love very much... Thanks for your message anyways.
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