Do Allah love us? I am really mapping it.

I respect the 5 pillars and learning about lost of my friends. During high school, I've lost one and few months after graduating diploma, I've lost another which is early this October & I know I desperately want to visit my school to visit my friends but his presence is still felt. And both great friends are non-muslims, I don't know what to feel, they're so great to me!

The first round when I was physically horrendous, I couldn't stop thinking about how my non-muslim friend who has been so wonderful to me, is now being punished in the hereafter. I feel pity to them. I couldn't do anything but to pray to Allah to get that pain out of my chest. It seriously felt like something is stabbing in my body. I tried to show my emotions but they ended up making fun of the way I grieve. I realized no one will understand the way we feel, I couldn't express my emotions since then accept to Allah. Though there are people who think I'm a robot sometimes.

Days later, I gave up crying and I thought I've heard Allah whispered to me, "who says you can't be happy?"

The second round, I became used to it. Surprisingly, I didn't even have the time to see his final viewing or say goodbye, I was far away. I kept quiet, there's nothing I could do but to look at our graduation group photo.

Deep inside, I'm a grieve-sticken. But never did any revenge, i'm still figuring out what is in it for me? does Allah love me? what have I done wrong to lose my friends? people can go any time and we didn't even know it.

As time passed, I hear Allah whispered to me again, "keep the pain with you that's how you keep your memories with them."

Are the positive thoughts whispered from Allah? Struggle. Struggle. Struggle. As young adults, there's so many decisions we have to make and being brave to get through heart breaks ourselves.

Edited by teeekilicious18 - 05 November 2014 at 4:19am