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live without the love of your life??...please help

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ayse87 View Drop Down
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Joined: 21 July 2014
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ayse87 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: live without the love of your life??...please help
    Posted: 21 July 2014 at 3:24pm
Salam dear sisters,

I ve hesitated for a long time...but I ve become so desperate and confused that I dont know what is the right thing to do. I really hope you can help me.

My name is Ayse, I m 27 years old, Turkish and Muslim and I live in Austria.

about two years ago I met the love of my life. Online on facebook because I mistook him for my friend's cousin who has the same name and who I wanted to ask for a favour concering a birthday suprise for my friend.

This way I met the love of my life. He is Egyptian, 29 years old and living in Cairo. I dont know why but we started talking...small talk...about politics..religion...everything...we got along perfectly...and soon we started talking on skype every night. we have the same strange sense of humour. the same views on life. we felt strangely connected to each other but we never got into intimate talking or stuff like that.

about seven months after our meeting my best friend who is also egyptian and her family traveled to cairo. and i accompanied them. what a fascinating city. i also met him there in public places. not alone. he brought his brother and I also had my friend and her brothers around. he even presented me to his whole family.

he told me he loved me. and i loved him too. he wanted me to make it official and tell all my family about it. so i did. he was always talking about marriage, children...about me as his big love.

he wanted to go to europe...Germany or England to work as a doctor. and later when he retires, he wanted us to go back to egypt. i agreed. i started learning arabic.

and then in feburary this year i got the shock of my life. he broke up with me. he said we couldnt be together. he didnt want to leave egypt because europe was so bad and all People are morally bad too. he doesnt want his Kids to grow up in such a Society. i asked him if he still loved me but he refused to answer. he said i was unique...and that my tears and pain are killing him.

somehow we kept the contact. we still message each other countless times a day. but neutral Messages. no talk about love anymore.

this Situation is killing me. he doesnt give me any hope for the future. he avoids talking about what happened...no talk about love...one day i had Problems with my mobile Internet...and he was worried because he didnt hear from me for some hours. he called me several times because he was so worried that something bad might have happened to me. i saw the calls and Messages the next day when my mobile worked again.

i dont know how to go on. this pain is killing me. i Keep crying almost every night. i still love him so much. i would do anything allowed to make him the happiest husband in the world.

and i cant cut off contact. i cant let him go. but this Situation is killing me. the pain and emotions are confusing me.

my friend and her family will go to cairo again in five weeks and asked me if i want to accompany them again. he said he would be so happy to see me again. but then asked me not to get emotional on this meeting.

please help me. i m so desperate. i ve been praying so many nights...but i feel lost.

i d be so grateful for your help. many thanks in advance

ayse
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Aighar View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Aighar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 August 2014 at 11:58pm
Im sorry to hear your situation sister. My friend also go through the same pain as yours -- a relationship with an Egyptian.

If i were you dont go to that road again...We girls are very emotional...if you will see him Im sure the pain will start again -- very hard this time. Distance yourself..dont contact him.. If his love is true and pure he will make a way to pursue you.. absence makes the heart grow fonder.....anyway if its Allah's will that both of you guys will live together forever...It will happen....

Only Allah knows....
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lady View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 September 2014 at 2:59am
As salaamoalaikum sister. I feel bad that you are hurting now. I think that you should not go to cairo. What is the point of meeting him if you will not marry him. I think that if a guy tells you that he does not want to marry you then please believe him. You will feel worst after leaving him.
He is making excuses by telling you that he does not want to raise children in Europe because it is bad there. I have traveled to Cairo more than a year ago, and he cant not say that Europe is bad. When I was there, I was surprise that I saw few women wearing abayas. Majority of the cairans were wearing tight legging pants with a shirt only long enough to pass their bottoms. I interacted with the Egyptians as a foreignor and he can not say that shaitan is not there too. Shaitan is running wild in cairo.
Allah may have another plan for you. And when Allah plans something for you is best for you.
It will be very difficult for you to just travel there without seeing him. you still love him dearly.
You already know what you should do. If you don't then you neeed to make istekara.
Thank Allah for what you have been going through, and learn from your situation.
I will be very surprise if he works as a doctor in an European country then he leaves it to go back to Egypt to raise his children. Usually this does not happen with doctors coming from an noneuropean country to practice medicine in an European country.
Life goes by fast sister. Please don't waste your time on anything that will not be good for you.
Salaam
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ummatee81 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ummatee81 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 September 2014 at 12:00pm
Asalam e likum dear ayse;

I hope you would be feeling better now.

i really do not understand whats wrong with men these days... like i am listening to the same kind of stories all around me. Even if its turkey, iran, Egypt or Pakistan.... men these days are so uncertain, they make promises and commitments and then step back. even i have heard about few boys who broke up their engagement for silly reasons....

Dear sis... this would be certainly painful... yes, this is difficult to forget your love but its even more painful to be in contact with him even you know that he will not marry you.... he may have some valid reasons but dun want you to know... may be?? do you have contact with any of his friends? they might know and guide you. he has all of a sudden changed his mind and there must be a reason behind it. now he is in a situation where he neither wanna lose you nor wanna live in Europe...

why dun u test him? i guess you should put him in different conditions to check his response...
1. tell him that you are ready to live with him in egypt after you get married so there is no need for him to get worry abt raising your kids in europe... check what he has to say abt this... if he still gives excuses so the issue is something else
2. or tell him that your family is interested in some other guy for you and soon u might get engaged....
3. or tell him strictly that if he cant marry you then there is no point to talk to him. and y is he getting so worried about you if he is not willing to marry you... ask him he loves you but cant marry you... what kinda relationship he wanna build???

i guess such tests will help you to analyze him in detail.... i said the same on another thread too that for a husband-wife relationship, having same likes/dislikes and thoughts is not utmost imp aspect... its rather dedication, commitment and security which the spouses give to one another.

hoping good for you. will feel good to hear good from you....

prayers
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lady View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 September 2014 at 4:47am
as salaamoalaikum ummatee81.  I had a couple of conversations with my gfs about what you said that is more important in a relationship such as finding someone who has "dedication, commitment and security." can you please explain why do you think that this is more important than finding someone who has a mirror of likes and dislikes, thoughts the same as you?
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