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Help me to help me!

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notsureyet View Drop Down
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Joined: 05 November 2005
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    Posted: 05 November 2005 at 11:37am
I am dating a man, who was a member of the nation of Islam.  Let me interject by saying that I am a christian, and have struggled to understand Islam, through him as best I could.  I read the Quoran in conjunction with the Bible, although I still am a Christian.  In any event, I have never dated outside our relationship.  I work hard every day.  I am a lawyer and a community activist.  But, I do maintain all my values as it relates to taking care of a man... LEt me pause and say I know we are not married, however, I believe that if I want God to send me a husband, I must show him that I am ready to be a wife.  Despite how good I am to him, he has been caught cheating int he relationship.  He spends hours on the internet dealing with women, sending and recieving naked photos, talking to them on the phone....  I have tried to forgive him, but lately he has take to being really mean... telling me that I am the cause of the problems.. that I am around to much and have done too much for him.  He even went so far to say he doesnt need someone who is a nice as me.  I have confronted him religiously and said that I dont know Allah, but how can he believe this is what Allah wants for his life.  He has responded that Allah provides that a man can have up to four wives.. and that a woman can never understand a man.  He said only Allah can help him with his lust.  That last part I believe (whether it be ALLAH or GOD -- I dont personally see a difference).  The part I am confused on.. is this a core belief of muslims?  Will he and I always have this problem, because Islam allows polygomy?  Should I pray and hope Allah/God helps him, or do I just need to leave.. and help myself?
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ak_m_f View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ak_m_f Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 November 2005 at 4:19pm
Originally posted by notsureyet notsureyet wrote:

I am dating a man, who was a member of the nation of Islam. Let me interject by saying that I am a christian, and have struggled to understand Islam, through him as best I could. I read the Quoran in conjunction with the Bible, although I still am a Christian. In any event, I have never dated outside our relationship. I work hard every day. I am a lawyer and a community activist. But, I do maintain all my values as it relates to taking care of a man... LEt me pause and say I know we are not married, however, I believe that if I want God to send me a husband, I must show him that I am ready to be a wife. Despite how good I am to him, he has been caught cheating int he relationship. He spends hours on the internet dealing with women, sending and recieving naked photos, talking to them on the phone.... I have tried to forgive him, but lately he has take to being really mean... telling me that I am the cause of the problems.. that I am around to much and have done too much for him. He even went so far to say he doesnt need someone who is a nice as me. I have confronted him religiously and said that I dont know Allah, but how can he believe this is what Allah wants for his life. He has responded that Allah provides that a man can have up to four wives.. and that a woman can never understand a man. He said only Allah can help him with his lust. That last part I believe (whether it be ALLAH or GOD -- I dont personally see a difference). The part I am confused on.. is this a core belief of muslims? Will he and I always have this problem, because Islam allows polygomy? Should I pray and hope Allah/God helps him, or do I just need to leave.. and help myself?


Nation of Islam are not muslims
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Jenni View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jenni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 November 2005 at 7:34pm
Notsureyet-I think your boyfriend is very confused and the people here would not consider him a Muslim in any way. People who follow the Nation on Islam are more like a cult. He can never justify porn on the internet or cheating on you because premarital sex is absoulutley forbidden, with YOU AS WELL!! Sorry to say, but you would be much better of marrying a nice church going christian than this guy. And by the way Polygamy is allowed, but the there are reasons. Such as to protect widows and to not leave women alone. In times of war more men die and women and children are left behing. Polygamy for variety in sex ect. is wrong and a man who does it for lust will surely awnser to Allah. Love cannot make you blind sister, stand up and keep away from him, he sounds like a sex addict to me.. PEace
You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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herjihad View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote herjihad Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 November 2005 at 11:42pm

Bismillah,

Why don't you look into Islaam?  It is a beautiful, peace-loving, women-respecting faith.  Many women who start off with a lost guy like this end up having a strong faith in God/Allah, Praise to him, which guides them through tough times, and a much better guy than that.

Many of our Muslim husbands lack things we need,  but most are basically good Muslim men because they would never cheat (because it would be cheating in front of Allah, the Most Powerful), drink, or beat their wives.  This guy isn't there yet and may never be.

Let Allah/God save this guy's soul.  It's not your job!  You deserve better and so does he.  Leave him alone right now, and find yourself by finding a relationship with God/Allah.

You might find some beautiful things in the Nation of Islam, but they are also racists with twisted stories that are not true.  God/Allah can find us and lead us to him from anywhere in the world, or any religion also.



Edited by herjihad
Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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notsureyet View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote notsureyet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 November 2005 at 8:45am
Thank you for your kind words.  I think I am going to continue reading both the quoran and the bible.  I think God has put me through this to learn something.  It seems like I am much more acceptable of what Islam teaches, but not neccessarily the Nation of Islam.  I think more people should learn that there is a difference.  I am ashamed to just now in life learn that they are not the same.  Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.  I appreciate it a lot.
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Israfil View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Israfil Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 November 2005 at 9:10pm

In the name of God, the merciful and infinitely compassionate, all exaltation is due to Allah (God) Lord of the Universe:

Notsureyet, Peace and blessings and welcome! I just wanted to respond to your inital post regarding your situation. Let me respond to your post in two categories one as religious and the other as a man.

As a man let me say that I disagree with this other man who says to another woman "You're too nice" obviously this individual is unintelligent because any intelligent person would want to be associated with another human who treats him/her nicely or with respect. Also if such an individual is on the internet countless time trading naked internet photos then obviously this (and the one prior I mentioned). So far sister I've counted two red flags lets see on the religious side.

As a religious man first and foremost let me say that the Nation of Islam is a particular branch of "borrowed Islam" that majority of Muslims around the world don't associate with. Not only has their philosophy prove to be racist, but also iconoclastic which glorifies the human image of their founder Fard Muhammad which Muslims would deem blasphemy against God. This is one red flag.

Second red flag as I mentioned in the last two paragraphs was him talking to women and sending naked photos of himself. This is unexceptable. There are strict guidelines on how men must conduct themselves so far this indivudal hasn't fulfilled those guidelines but then again he doesn't have to observed them as we Muslims of the majority do not associate with NOI. Second red Flag.

Last, when a man addresses a woman especially a Muslim man, his language must always reflect divine knowledge therefore he must be sensitive and respectful of others. Obviously him not wanting to be in your company is enough evidence to show he is not the man for you. When he tells you, "you're too nice" then obviously HE IS TOO DUMB TO WANT A NICE WOMAN. Third red flag....I hope this helps

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queenie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote queenie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 November 2005 at 1:11pm

Nation of Islam????

we don't get many ( in fact none) here in London (alhumdulillah). And if we did they'd probably get turfed out straight away by the mainstream muslims here.

 Nation of Islam are in no way islamic. Their belief that Elijah Muhammad as a prophet (or whatever) puts them straight out of the fold of islam, their belief in the white man as devils is racist and forbidden in islam as Islam is universal. Therefore sis, this person is not a muslim. it appears as though the brother has misunderstood the concept of polygamy in islam and blown it out of proportion. it is allowed. BUT it has conditions attached to it. A man can only have four wives if he can comply with those conditions. polygamy is not to satisfy his sexual urges. Because that's just nasty!maybe you could research the real and true islam and share your knowledge with the bro insha allah.if after you have tried that, he doesn't change then leave him and accept he is not good for you and it just was not meant to be.

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Israfil View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Israfil Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 November 2005 at 3:52pm
queenie after all that did you answer her question? Re-read your post and tell me if you did...
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