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How do I tell my future husband know I was raped?
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Sarh777 View Drop Down
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Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:



How do you imagine he will find out without you telling him? And once you tell him, know that you will be subjected to a detailed deposition, which frankly speaking, is none of his business. It is a knowledge that does not benefit and only harms.


This sounds graphic and my apologies.. but my hymen is not there, which means I will not bleed anymore the first time it happens with my husband.... what do I do then? Lie about my hymen?
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Points: 5105 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 March 2014 at 7:48am
Originally posted by Sarh777 Sarh777 wrote:

... but my fear lies on the fact that if I don't tell my future husband beforehand that I am not a virgin, he will find out anyways. And this is what worries me and confuses me about my future actions....


How do you imagine he will find out without you telling him? And once you tell him, know that you will be subjected to a detailed deposition, which frankly speaking, is none of his business. It is a knowledge that does not benefit and only harms.
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Walecum As Salaam, Allah is most merciful n forgiving.it is good u hv repented, pray to Allah constantly and have taqwa in Sha Allah will solve ur problem bcoz Allah says if u fear Allah, Allah will provide help from unimaginable sources (ch 65 v 2-3).
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Originally posted by Caringheart Caringheart wrote:

Greetings Sarh,I can never imagine advising lying.� What a burden to carry a secret for all your life.� This is not conducive to mental health.� Having to always live with the fear that in a vulnerable moment, or in any other way, the truth may come out... what then?� Do not carry the burden of lies.� They always have a way of coming out, and for as long as they do not, you must live with the fear that they may.� God would never want you to carry such a burden.� It is in Truth that we are set free, and we are only as sick as our secrets.� Keeping secrets indeed makes a person sick in all ways, mind, body, soul.Will your husband forgive you for your lie if the truth comes out after a marriage?� What is this likely to do to the marriage... to trust between you?� Trust must be in the foundation of any marriage.� Better to give him the honest way... the choice to accept this thing that has happened, or to not.� You were vulnerable and some jerk of a guy took advantage of your innocence.� He knew exactly what he was doing, while you were simply too trusting.� Do not put blame on yourself.� It is also unlikely that your husband will be totally innocent and there may be things you will be excusing in his behavior, so why should he not be able to excuse you as well?� Honesty is the basis of respect and trust, and trust is the basis of marriage.My heart goes out to you and I pray, and believe, that God will send a partner for you one day... one who will have empathy, and not condemnation, for how you were taken advantage of.Salaam and blessings to you,Caringheart



Thank you so much for your sympathetic and kind reply! I appreciate it with all my heart. I do understand what you're saying.... and to be honest, I would rather tell him the truth and start a new life, instead of feeling scared. What hurts me is the thought that he might not understand...and hold it against me... even though, going down that road was never my intention.
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Sarh777 View Drop Down
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Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:

Once you have sincerely asked Allah to forgive you, and do not repeat what you have done, you're good to go. No need to feel guilty, because you have repented. No need to tell anyone. Admit nothing, and deny any accusation. Never tell your husband or anyone else. Consider yourself a pure virgin. It is a blessing that you are now doing much better, so don't allow a mistake made years ago spoil your future. All the best!


Assalaumu alaikum! JazakAllah Khair for your kind reply! I understand how my sins or past mistakes should be between me and Allah swt only... but my fear lies on the fact that if I don't tell my future husband beforehand that I am not a virgin, he will find out anyways. And this is what worries me and confuses me about my future actions....
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Points: 5105 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 March 2014 at 8:52am
With all due respect Caringheart, this isn't the proper thread for theological debate.
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Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:

From among the teachings of Allah's Messenger (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) is to keep sins a secret matter. If someone commits a sinful act which is against the Commandments of Allah, or is against the moral character, or is such an act that may cause harm to one's honor, then he should keep it a secret and seek forgiveness from Allah in the darkness of night. The Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O Fulan! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

Greetings abuayisha,

This is why I do not believe that you follow the same God that I follow.  This teaching of yours goes against what Yshwe(known as Jesus) taught.
I would ask the question... how well does keeping your secrets serve in freeing you from your sins?  Or doesn't keeping your secrets really only serve to keep you in bondage to those sins, having to keep them forever hidden?
There is a difference, I agree, between 'boasting of sins', and regretting, confessing, and repenting from sins.  But only in Truth, and in telling the truth, are we ever truly free from the bondage laid upon us by our past mistakes and sins.

asalaam and blessings,
CLynn





Edited by Caringheart - 13 March 2014 at 8:58pm
Let us seek Truth together
Blessed be God forever
"I believe in Jesus as I believe in the sun... not because I see it, but because by it, I see everything else.: - C.S.Lewis
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Points: 5105 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 March 2014 at 7:40pm
From among the teachings of Allah's Messenger (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) is to keep sins a secret matter. If someone commits a sinful act which is against the Commandments of Allah, or is against the moral character, or is such an act that may cause harm to one's honor, then he should keep it a secret and seek forgiveness from Allah in the darkness of night. The Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O Fulan! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukharee]
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