How do I tell my future husband know I was raped? |
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Nausheen
Moderator Group Female Joined: 10 January 2001 Status: Offline Points: 4251 |
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Posted: 10 February 2015 at 7:47pm |
Like Lady said previously, I will have to agree with AbuAyesha. When a slave sincerely repents for the sin, and resolves never to repeat we should think that the most forgiving and merciful Lord has forgiven this person. It is only the sins for which we have not repented that we should worry, because if not in this life, then sure on the day of judgement our sins will be exposed in public and we will be humiliated and punished. As for those which we have seeked His sincere forgiveness, we should have good hopes from Allah that He will keep them concealed and not have us humiliated in this world or the next. The only thing that I worry is - although there is no way a husband can tell if she was a virgin or not, the woman may feel uncomfortable when a man approaches her for intimacy. It is not easy to delete the experience of a rape from the memory file. Many rape victims experience problems in thier sexual lives later. If that happens she might want to or her counselor may advise her to disclose this to her partner. I learnt this through a book on relationships. It was advised that if the wife had been physically abused in the past, and this bothers her if or when her husband wants intimacy, she should tell him - they even advised her to ask him to stop and he will, if he is a good man. I think if the poster thinks she can handle the moments of intimacy without becoming uncomfortable she can just not tell him anything, otherwise, its not a good idea. |
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
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Caringheart
Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2991 |
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Greetings Lady, Wow. I am really sorry that you have such an impression of me... that is not me at all. I picked the name Caringheart, because I have a very caring heart, for all people. I would think that that shows through, but apparently not to you. Very sorry to know that. My only advice was what a bad idea it is to try and live with lies... lies only enslave us to trying to remember never to reveal those lies... it is a snare and a trap of the devil. The only way to live free is to live honest... it is in the truth that we are set free... from everything... pain of the past, enslavement of the future. asalaam and blessings to you, Caringheart note: Do you disagree with these statements; "Honesty is the basis of respect and trust, and trust is the basis of marriage." because if you do I would be interested to know. Shukran and salaam. Edited by Caringheart - 14 January 2015 at 8:23pm |
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Let us seek Truth together
Blessed be God forever "I believe in Jesus as I believe in the sun... not because I see it, but because by it, I see everything else.: - C.S.Lewis |
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lady
Senior Member Joined: 20 September 2006 Status: Offline Points: 314 |
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Ch, I have a lot of Christian friends and friends from other religions. I have family who are Christian. But from the beginning u have been cunning so therefore she needs to be careful of taking advise from u. I am sure u picked your id to match the opposite of your true motives.
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Ron Webb
Senior Member Male atheist Joined: 30 January 2008 Location: Ottawa, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2467 |
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As abuayisha has noted, this isn't a good thread to get into a theological debate, and please note Sarh777 that I am not a Muslim; but I think there are a couple of more relevant questions that others may want to address:
1. What would a good Muslim man do if his prospective bride told him that she had been raped? 2. If he is not a good Muslim man, should you really want to marry him? Perhaps this will be a test, for both of you. If the two of you can get past this, then your marriage should be solid and lasting. If not, then maybe it's just as well. At any rate, I think everyone agrees that there is no need for shame. At worst you made a mistake (which we all do), and you learned from it (which many of us unfortunately don't). So that's a good thing. Although I hope that what you learned was to avoid compromising situations where you have little or no control, rather than avoiding men altogether. Most men are not like that. Edited by Ron Webb - 13 January 2015 at 9:05am |
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Addeenul �Aql � Religion is intellect.
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Caringheart
Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2991 |
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Greetings Lady,
I think it is interesting that you think that a Christian can not give good advice in matters of life. I would never think that a muslim could not offer me good advice in matters of life. asalaam and blessings, Caringheart |
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Let us seek Truth together
Blessed be God forever "I believe in Jesus as I believe in the sun... not because I see it, but because by it, I see everything else.: - C.S.Lewis |
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lady
Senior Member Joined: 20 September 2006 Status: Offline Points: 314 |
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as salaamoalaikum sister. I agree 100 percent with Abuyisha. No one knows if you are a virgin. Just like no one knows if a man is a virgin. You need to educate yourself about the hymen. A hymen can grow back. It can easily get broken even if you fall off a bicycle. If you make love with your husband, and you do not bleed it does not mean that you are not a virgin. Caringheart is not a muslim and so therefore, she will give you advise that is from what she thinks Christianity is. So please be careful with taking advise on these forums. You may make a huge mistake by telling him that you were rape.
Edited by lady - 11 January 2015 at 5:00pm |
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NABA
Senior Member Male Joined: 13 December 2012 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 867 |
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Assalamalecum,I think u shud tell ur husband, bcoz one day or the other he will know.have faith in Allah n tell ur husband the truth.
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abuayisha
Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105 |
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Educate yourself regarding the hymen and bleeding. Once you have done this you will know that won't be an issue. He will never know you're not a virgin unless you unwisely volunteer this information.
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