Living with Inlaws,am i asking too much?

as'salam alaykum wara7matu Allah wa barakatuh...

I think you are who didn't get my point, anyway Allahu a3laam... May Allah bless you and guide us all ameen...

 

as'salam alaykum wara7matu Allah wa barakatuh

Amah, i meant non muslimahs... Few days back I got into a conversation with some women, they were arguing about "freedom". Sometimes they think that to be muslimah and to "obey" our husbands means submission, to lose our rights, or to stop being women. This is what i meant, please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that ALL the women are like that, but most of them, unfortunately many women now a days forgets about the best way how to keep a happy marriage, how to behave as a good wife, how to support her husband, how to care her children, how to preserve herself as woman, etc etc.

They think that to have conversations with men, strangers doesn't mean anything, they think that we are fanatic because we prevent ourselves of doing this, They think that to go out with friends, to dance with other men doesn't mean anything, this is what i meant.. we as muslimahs cannot request to our husband this kind of freedom, first because there is not such a term "freedom" and second because we know this only can lead us to 7aram things. We as muslimah wives must care about many things, and for sure our husbands must do the same, again.. as i stated above "The spouses have mutual rights".

Clarifying my point of view.....We as women should support our husbands, help them, encourage them, they can be good if we are good, they can respect our rights if we give them the way, if now our sister needs to face a complicated situation with her inlaws, for the sake of her husband she should accept his request, anyway he is not asking her to fight in Iraq or to throw herself from a 5th floor, probably for some of you to live with the fathers inlaw it means this tho. lol. But the point is that with this she is showing him her love, and in the future he will be grateful. In the end this is the best reward, to get good deeds and to be loved by her husband.... aren't you agree with me?

Insha'Allah you can get what I mean... Barallahu feekon..

as'salam alaykum wara7matu Allah wa barakatuh...

My dear sister herjihad first of all May Allah grant you strong eman today and always ameen...

I didn't say that she has to give up her rights subhana'allah, i just spoke thru what she said, her husband cannot give her another thing for now, they can get some benefits living at his parents home, they can save money, they can get many things.. insha'allah khair... My point is only to show support to our husbands in any bad situation if this doesn't lead us thru something bad; to support, to encourage doesn't mean to loose rights. I never said this and i never meant it.. Allahu a3laam..

Anyway, i think the best is to let our sister to choose the best for her and we only can make du3a for her ...

Sister Rishadr May Allah help you and guide you giving you and enlightening you for to take the best decision and way how to deal with this situation. ameen ya rab... 

Amah, it is your right to live away from your husbands parents. It is your right to privacy, it is your right to not have your husbands parents boss you around. While you need to be kind, they are not your parents and you do not have the same responsibility to them as your husband does. The biggest thing that is missing in many homes in boundries. When my husband and I got married I knew my mother in law would come to stay for 6 months at a time. The first time she came I was very pregnant and my husband told her clearly, "Mom, she has real all the books, gone to lots of classes and is going to do things with the baby her way. She knows more then me and things have changed alot since you were raising babies. So let her do things her own way." Now this may sound harsh, but it was my son and my husbands son. I wanted to nurse the baby with no bottles of formula at all, my mom in law came from the generation that thought breast milk was not enough and the baby should be fat so give them a bottle. But since my husband drew up boundries she only asked me once if I was going to buy any bottles and I said no, I will only nurse. That was it! He also told her that she can't tell me what to do like she can him or his siblings. He said mom, before she met me, she had a career. She lived in another state and was independant from her family. She is an adult and will cook her own way, clean her own way and do as she pleases. This sent a very clear message to her and we got along BEAUTIFULLY!! Once or twice she tried nicely to advise me on things. Like ironing. ANd I said, nicely, look, I don't iron. I'm not good at it and your son is great at it. So he can iron his own shirts since we don't have a maid like you guys do in Pakistan and I am doing most of the other stuff. She understood, and realized that they have servants around all the time and I am not a servant. I am not responsible for just being the maid of the house and she never complained when my husband vacuumed, or changed daipers or did any house stuff. I allways politely explained myself and my husband backed me up. We allways enjoyed having her come and I was sad to see her go, I would even cry when she left for a week. Boundries are the key!!! Peace