Marrying Outside your Nationality

Assalaamoalaikum. I wanted to add that you should encourage your sister to be patience and not marry this guy as soon as possible. I feel bad that her parents are so hurt by her decision that they are willing to disown her. I think that even though who she marries is utimately her decision only it is also important that she wait for some time for her parents' approval for her marriage. This way they may realize that she also is concern for their feelings too etc. This waiting time could be less/more than six months will also give her the opportunity to see how supportive her fiance will be towards her qnd her family. This way she can also she what advice he will CONTINOUSLY give her about her parents emotions and treatment towards him or her. If he tells her dont care about what they think or that he is not given her emotional support about her parents then she will realize that he will also not be a supportive husband for her and a respectful son in law as well

Idil wrote: Hi Caringheart, Thanks for your advice, know that it is appreciated. You got great name by the way. Indeed honoring parents has been made obligatory on all of us and it is just sometimes difficult to meet this criteria. Nowadays , parents in most cases are set in their cultural ways and fail to analyses situations from different perspectives. You have handled the situation with your daughter very good and we can all learn something from this. In most cases, when daughters/sons meet someone the parents disapprove of it results into a great conflict and end up loosing their children.

Greetings Idil,

"You got great name by the way."
Thanks, I like it.

I want to add this to our conversation.  Parents are usually set in their ways for good reason.     And I will say that there was tension between my daughter and myself because of her decision, but this was also her way of showing me that she was becoming an adult with good judgement, who was still not afraid to listen to me and what I had to say in guiding her.
It was not my own handling of the situation that made things right but my daughter's handling of it.  She honored me by never breaking contact even though she did not always like the things I had to say.  She honored me by following the suggestions I made in keeping the relationship from going too far.  She honored me by wanting my blessing, and if it was not there, then neither was the relationship going to be made permanent.  More importantly the young man honored me by respecting my daughter in her wishes to respect me.  Most importantly my daughter honored God.  It is God's blessing that we wish to have bestowed.  These things allowed me to respect the young man.  They did, however, not end up together in the end.  I was so pleased that my daughter had heeded my guidance in waiting to see if they would be compatible for life.  She began, with time, to see that they would not.  She is now happily married to a man whom she followed the same principles I had guided her with... taking time, making sure he was a God following man, etc.

I wish you, your sister, and your family, many blessings and guidance.
Caringheart



Edited by Caringheart - 22 November 2012 at 4:49pm

Caringheart wrote: Greetings Idil, If I may interject? This is what Jesus meant when He said 'I bring not peace but a sword.' This is about choosing the will of God, or choosing our own will.  Honoring parents is choosing will of God.  Choosing our own will separates us from those who love us.  It is a painful thing we face in this life... choosing our own way or choosing God's way.  Sometimes situations resolve themselves with time.  I think if your sister chooses her own way and the man proves to be a good husband your parents will see this and come around.  If on the other hand, the man proves not to be a Godly husband, your sister will be the loser having been separated from those who will always love her most.  I think it is best always to show patience and give these things time to see if they can be accepted by all parties before making any final decision.  Time usually proves all things. My daughter made a choice to keep seeing a young man that I once discouraged, but the two of them continued the friendship with full accountability and with boundaries in place, and I came to have respect for the young man and he gained my approval.  He proved himself. I sympathize with your position of feeling in the middle. Blessings to you and upon this situation for your sister. Caringheart

Hi Caringheart,

Thanks for your advice, know that it is appreciated. You got great name by the way. Indeed honoring parents has been made obligatory on all of us and it is just sometimes difficult to meet this criteria. Nowadays , parents in most cases are set in their cultural ways and fail to analyses situations from different perspectives. You have handled the situation with your daughter very good and we can all learn something from this. In most cases, when daughters/sons meet someone the parents disapprove of it results into a great conflict and end up loosing their children.


Edited by Idil - 21 November 2012 at 8:15am

Greetings Idil,

If I may interject?

This is what Jesus meant when He said 'I bring not peace but a sword.'
This is about choosing the will of God, or choosing our own will.  Honoring parents is choosing will of God.  Choosing our own will separates us from those who love us.  It is a painful thing we face in this life... choosing our own way or choosing God's way.  Sometimes situations resolve themselves with time.  I think if your sister chooses her own way and the man proves to be a good husband your parents will see this and come around.  If on the other hand, the man proves not to be a Godly husband, your sister will be the loser having been separated from those who will always love her most.  I think it is best always to show patience and give these things time to see if they can be accepted by all parties before making any final decision.  Time usually proves all things.
My daughter made a choice to keep seeing a young man that I once discouraged, but the two of them continued the friendship with full accountability and with boundaries in place, and I came to have respect for the young man and he gained my approval.  He proved himself.
I sympathize with your position of feeling in the middle.
Blessings to you and upon this situation for your sister.

Caringheart


Edited by Caringheart - 19 November 2012 at 12:58pm