At the end of my rope

Ron Webb wrote: Maybe the husband find get another apartment for his wife and daughter in a safer area of Bangladesh (if there is such a thing), and split his time between the two residences.� Maybe he can help her to integrate into the Bangladesh community in some way (language classes, social clubs, charities -- I don't know, my unfamiliarity with the culture is showing here). And I don't know how to put this delicately, but it's always worth remembering that all things are temporary.� Circumstances may change, and if nothing else his responsibilities to his parents will come to a natural end at some point.� In the meantime, the trick is often just to take it day by day and get through it as best we can.

So well said. Thank you. Points noted.

Just to clarify: he has said he won't get another place due to his parents. And I have brought up many times your other point (regarding language classes, social clubs, charities), but that was also not allowed.

Thanks, though, Ron.

Dear Nausheen,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I appreciate it greatly.

I was very strongly warned by my husband and his parents NOT to mix too much with my younger sister-in-law; my mil would try to prevent me from talking with her for long (by calling me away and warning me not to talk with her). They were opposed to the marriage on the grounds that she's a native Bengali (different than them), and they believe she might do 'black magic' on the family (I'm not kidding!). They are totally serious on this point. They`re always saying prayers and then blowing on top of food or water that she`s touched to ward off any supposed black magic. My husband was also VERY opposed to my creating any sort of friendship with her because of what his parents have said against her (that she will break up the family, run off with property or money!). I just didn`t have the courage to go against my husband and his parents, so I did as they instructed. I was polite but distant, as mil kept a very watchful eye on how much we interacted. Now we have a very formal, just hi-hello type of communication, not much beyond that.

It would have been great if my inlaws had taken pity on me and told me, Go ahead and go out with her once in a while, since she speaks the language.

As for your other suggestions, yep I talk endlessly with the servants; they have kept me sane in that house. Without them, I`d have gone mad. But they are there from 11am-3pm, then 8-10pm, and they are very busy with their own chores. But I do have a great relationship with them; I talk to them as much as possible, though they are not there all day and are very busy with their work. But yes, I depend on them a lot for conversation and passing time!

I do knit, embroider, and surf the web. I asked husband for seeds for gardening; he never brought it.

They do have extended family; infact my husband has 3 cousins in the same city. They are all female, married, with kids. I get along fabulously with them; his cousins adore me. Problem is, I`m not allowed to mingle with them unless my husband`s with me! And they live far from my inlaws` home - well not far, but due to the traffic congestion, it can take more than an hour to get there one way. So, logistically, it`s difficult to go over. I do call them when I`m bored, but they`re busy with their own lives too ... but I do try to follow this suggestion of yours and whenever possible, I call up his extended female relatives in the city and chat.

I kept myself busy there by learning the language and practicing infront of the servants. Letter writing was a great idea, but my husband would probably say that their postal system is not to be trusted & letters will get stolen there!

Your suggestions are great. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.