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Some help - recently married

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pakistanifem786 View Drop Down

Joined: 28 May 2012
Location: United Kingdom
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    Posted: 28 May 2012 at 9:36am
As salam U Alaikum,

I very recently got married. I had some doubts prior to having my Nikkah for several reasons. My husband prior to us being together had many sexual relationships. We got engaged and I found out that he had been sending flirty messages to some female friends. I also came across a profile for a matrimonial website which was in his name as well as the fact he had been in touch with a lady who I knew. She had told me he had been messaging him sexual messages. I confronted him and his parents and he said he hadn't done anything of the sort. I thought it would just be a one off and forgave him.

SInce we have been married I haven't found out anything else, however my husband's attitude towards me has changed. He was a never a very openly loving man, however I feel as though he has changed even more since marriage. It greatly upsets me as I live with his family also. I am my parents only daughter and all they wished for me was happiness in my future. I am loyal and faithful to my husband in every way and feel he should only be the same. Yet he lies about where he has been, he is not affectionate, he is cold... I don't know what to do. I give him everything he needs, what more can a man possibly want? It feels as though he isn't satisfied.
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Pati View Drop Down
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Joined: 10 April 2009
Location: Spain
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Pati Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 2012 at 2:56pm
Hi dear,

I am sorry for your feelings, and I hope it's just a bad beginning, but that you will find a happy ending.

My suggestion is clear: you are married, he is your husband, and you should believe in him and his commitment with you. Maybe your bad thinking is making him feel unconfortable and that's why he changed his way of treating you.

Specially, I think you made a mistake when you talked about his "past" life in front of his parents. The discussions of the married should keep between the marriage, don't give chance to any person (from his or your family, or friends, or whoever) to participate, because this will not help too much to fix the problems.

Try to talk with him, and to fix the problems, and to be opened with him. You should show him that you trust him, and that's why you married him, and he should feel the need to come to the house and being with you, instead of being in any other place. That's only in your hands.

By the way, the fact of living in his parent's house is not helping the relation. You should try to get your own house, and dedicate all the time to each other and to make your relation strong.

Good luck.

Kind regards,
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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qubed View Drop Down

Joined: 19 September 2012
Location: Romania
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote qubed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 September 2012 at 3:02am

There is no such thing in Islam. That's just culture.
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A ladybird View Drop Down

Joined: 25 September 2012
Location: Pakistan
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote A ladybird Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 October 2012 at 7:25am
Walikum Asalam dear Sister;
I agree with Patricia that as the matter was so much private, so you should not have disscused that with his parents.... though its true that in Pakistani culture, we usually involve the family elders, but only at the stage where things are totally out of control.
But do not worry, give your husband time and space. If, what ever you know about his past is ture,.... i guess you should give him some space and time to realize himself that such things are not good....
1. Do not ask him so much questions about where he has been? with whom he was?..... jus show him with a smile and good attitude that you where waiting for him to spend good time with him.
2. Instead of texting him, "where are you?".... text him "i have baked a yummy cake, lets have tea together".... what i mean is that whenever your husband think of returning home, he should not get annoyed by thinking of appearing in your court..... but he must feel relaxed and excited.....
3. make him believe that you do not have any issue with his past.... you are just concerned about his present and future....
4. recite Allah Pak's name YA WADUD'O exact 1001 times (thousand and one) and blow it on some food or water and you and your husband should have it. Insha Allah he will be effectionate toward you.
May Allah Pak bring happiness in your life. Ameen
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