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marrige and children

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MiaMia View Drop Down
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    Posted: 21 May 2012 at 5:25am
I would like to ask you help.I am married for 7 years already  and  as i got married quite young in the beginning having children wasnt a issue  but now after 7 years my husband still doesnt want  and he  said we will haveanyway but when he doesnt tell me . I really would love to have a baby  but i have no idea  if i have a right to push my husband or i should just be patient.My Husband  and i am shia muslem.please  sisters tell me what should i do .Ideally i would like to ask from shia sheikh  as my husband is quite religious man and also is his family .Everyone keeps asking when will i have baby i have been telling that i i want to wait but its no longer  the case and and i dont want to lie to them neither:(
what shall i do  if i cant really speak to my husband about it and he doesnt give me definite answer?
Alisha
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2012 at 1:28am
Originally posted by MiaMia MiaMia wrote:

I would like to ask you help.I am married for 7 years already  and  as i got married quite young in the beginning having children wasnt a issue  but now after 7 years my husband still doesnt want  and he  said we will haveanyway but when he doesnt tell me . I really would love to have a baby  but i have no idea  if i have a right to push my husband or i should just be patient.My Husband  and i am shia muslem.please  sisters tell me what should i do .Ideally i would like to ask from shia sheikh  as my husband is quite religious man and also is his family .Everyone keeps asking when will i have baby i have been telling that i i want to wait but its no longer  the case and and i dont want to lie to them neither:(
what shall i do  if i cant really speak to my husband about it and he doesnt give me definite answer?
Alisha


Salaam Sister.

I'm afraid I don't have any good advise to your situation...

Its hard when a couple wants different things in life...
I know you have already tried talking to him, but why not try a bit more? Use a different approach. If previously you have fought or quarreled over the issue, why not try a softer, friendlier approach? But be firm. If he keeps steering the conversation away, bring it back to the subject.

Ask him why he feels this way, and how you both can find a solution that is win-win. Is he worried about finances? job? etc. Communication, if done effectively can help us find solutions.

Tell him how you love him so much and you would love to see a mini-replica of him as your child (lol! I'm just brain-storming here). Also, tell him that biologically and emotionally you are ready to have a child and this  may be the best time. Its easier to manage kids when one is younger and has more time and energy. When you grow older you may not have the same energy and health etc.

If he is religious, talk to him about how Islam urges us to have children and pass on good character and knowlegde to them.  etc.

Hope that helps. Apart from that (this should have been advise #1) make LOTS OF DUA. Like scholars say: Dua is the weapon of a believer. Make lots of dua for good kids and changing your husband's mind.




"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2012 at 6:16pm
 ".......if i cant really speak to my husband about it..... "
 
Therein lies the problem; you must start communicating your desire, and understanding his unwillingness.  You have waited long enough.  Having children is something encourage in Islam.  Be firm, but not emotional, and press him for an answer.  This is your right as his wife.  If it were you who didn't want children he would have every right and obligation to know why.  Was the issue of children discussed prior to marriage?
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MiaMia View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MiaMia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 May 2012 at 5:25am
thank u for your answer  ! He says he wants children but doesnt know when.Sometimes i think he married me only for papers but then again he is really nice to me and i feel his love to me .I even told him that  if he wants only the papers we can divorce islamic marriage and he can still get his papers  but he said no  that he wants me . It was only yesterday when i spoke to him very nicely about this matter again and the same answer that he doesnt know when.I want 4 children but i i feel like time is running out soon to have 4 children.
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