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Wailing, is it wrong if you don't?

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OmAli View Drop Down
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    Posted: 28 November 2011 at 11:52am
I just have a question about wailing. Is it wrong not to wail or shave your head when someone close to you dies? Can you just cry without wailing and hitting yourself? I converted to Islam and my father, who is Catholic, just passed and I cried and mourned for him but didn't wail or shave my head or even hit myself. My husband made it seem like me and my side of the family was doing something wrong. I was raised different from him and yes we show emotions but to a certain extent. I hide all my emotions especially when I cry. My family mourned for him but we didn't do what he is use to seeing when someone dies. I woke up everyday prayed and did what needed to be done around the house so my mother didn't have to do it. He told me he would divorce me if we acted like this, or if this was how we would act if he was to die. Did I do something wrong, this is the first time someone so close to me has died.
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semar View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote semar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 November 2011 at 6:39pm
Salam,
 
In my understanding there is no teaching abut wailing. Even crying or mourning are not allowed too much, because if somebody die, it's just a natural process. The teaching of Islam if there is a tragedy including relative or family member dies, we are just recommended to recite "inalillahi wa ina-illaihi raji'un". everything from Allah and to him will return.


Edited by semar - 30 November 2011 at 12:52am
Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"
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lady View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 November 2011 at 12:27am

Assalaamaoalaikum Omali. I am sorry that your father passed away. Trust me, I know what you are going through. Everyone has their own way of mouring. Islamically, semar is right about  how a person is suppose to respond to the death of another person.  Sorry to hear that you have this extra stress about how you should mourn of your father's death. Hopefully everything will get better for you and your family.

PS sister. Smile Dont worry about your husband saying that he will divorce you.  Maybe the next time he tells you that, then you should make him some nice tea, and then tell him that you fear and worship no one but Allah. dont forget to wink and smile at him as you say that.SmileWink

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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 November 2011 at 7:15am

"Among the conditions included in our pledge to Allah's Messenger was not to wail. A woman said, `So-and-so family brought comfort to me (by wailing over my dead relative), so I will first pay them back.' So she went and paid them back in the same (wailed for their dead), and then came and gave her pledge. Only she and Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, the mother of Anas bin Malik, did so.'' Al-Bukhari collected this Hadith from the way of Hafsah bint Sirin from Umm `Atiyah Nusaybah Al-Ansariyah, may Allah be pleased with her. Ibn Abi Hatim recorded that Asid bin Abi Asid Al-Barrad said that one of the women who gave the pledge to Allah's Messenger said, "Among the conditions included in the pledge that the Messenger took from us, is that we do not disobey any act of Ma`ruf (good) that he ordains. We should neither scratch our faces, pull our hair (in grief), tear our clothes nor wail.''

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