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i have a question

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whoknow? View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 August 2011 at 10:15pm
salamz everyone,

i would like to ask a serious question, and i would greatly appreciate an honest islamic response, not a cultural "we never do that" response

my issue is that i am currently seperated from my husband, and i have no desire to go back to him. he was very abusive, and deeply hurt me

a member of his family(even though i have no one in mind, this isn't even on the table right now) told me that if i get re-married that my daughter couldn't live with me(it's haram for me, but not for him). my mother confirmed this, and a friend confirmed it as well. this is immensely troubling to me(as i said i have no desire to go back to him, he was emotional, verbal, financially, property, and physically abusive. i did an assessment that said he would have eventually would have killed me)

is this true? it can't be. it sounds like i have to make a decision whether to be happy with a man who could(and again i have no one in mind, this would be very far in the future) make me happy, or my daughter who makes me happy. it doesn't sound like allah who speaks of family and how important it is.

plz give me some honest advice here.

thanx
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mrs shadab View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mrs shadab Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2011 at 1:09am
walaikumassalm sister,,
 i read ur question but un able to understand that how could one daughter be haram to her motherShocked..and also please read the translation (whole)of suarah Nisa..every thing is cleared in that surah,,
if i could give u that ayath in whichthis iswritten,i would defintely help u inshaALAH
WASSALM
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mrs shadab Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2011 at 1:31am
http://www.biharanjuman.org/Quran/quran_urdu.html
pls sister go to this link and read the translation of surah  baqarah and surah nisa whole ,..this is an authentic site,,
wassaalm

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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2011 at 9:16am
Originally posted by whoknow? whoknow? wrote:

salamz everyone,

i would like to ask a serious question, and i would greatly appreciate an honest islamic response, not a cultural "we never do that" response

a member of his family(even though i have no one in mind, this isn't even on the table right now) told me that if i get re-married that my daughter couldn't live with me(it's haram for me, but not for him). my mother confirmed this, and a friend confirmed it as well. this is immensely troubling to me(as i said i have

is this true? it can't be. it sounds like i have to make a decision whether to be happy with a man who could(and again i have no one in mind, this would be very far in the future) make me happy, or my daughter who makes me happy. it doesn't sound like allah who speaks of family and how important it is.

plz give me some honest advice here.

thanx


Salam Alaykum Sister,

Based on a quick google search, it appears that Step-Fathers are considered Mahrams to the step-daughter. The Qur'an also mentions Stepfathers as mahrams:

"Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who breastfed you, your foster sisters, your wives' mothers, your stepdaughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in -but there is no sin on you if you have not done so (to marry their daughters), the wives of your sons who spring from your loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. " [Qur'an 4:22-23]


List of Mahrams (for a female):

Mahrams (i.e. forbidden to marry permanently forever at anytime):

  • Step father (with the condition that both step father and one’s mother have been alone together)
  • Fathers and above (i.e. grandfathers, great grandfathers etc, maternal or paternal)
  • Sons and below (i.e. grandsons, great grandsons etc)
  • Brothers (regardless of whether it be one’s real brother, brother with whom your mothers are the same but fathers different or whether it be a brother with whom your fathers are the same but mothers different)
  • Uncles (i.e. one’s mother’s/father’s brother, again regardless of whether it be their real brother, brother with whom their mothers are the same but fathers different or whether it be their brother with whom their fathers are the same but mothers different)
  • Nephews (i.e. sons of brother/sister regardless of whether they be one’s real brother/sister, brother/sister with whom your mothers are the same but fathers different or brother/sister with whom your fathers are the same but mothers different)
  • Foster son (i.e. a boy who a lady has breast fed before the age of two)
  • Foster Brother (i.e. a male who was breast fed by the same lady as one was)
  • Father-in-law and above (i.e. grandfather-in-law, great grandfather-in-law etc, maternal or paternal) 
  • Husband’s sons
  • Son-in-law and below (i.e. daughter’s husband, granddaughter’s husband etc)
  • Husband (not forbidden in marriage but as an exception is classified as a ‘Mahram’ and therefore no restrictions apply with one’s husband)

    From a female’s perspective, men she is permitted to marry or who are temporarily forbidden and are those with whom Islamic restrictions apply.

So a female doesn't have to worry about observing Hijab in front of her mahrams, i.e. she can live comfortably in the same household. However, given today's time and age - and modern day perversions, it would still be better to be safe than sorry, and as a mother one should ensure that her daughter is not left alone with a stepfather.

Links used:

http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=12951

http://www.muftisays.com/viewarticle.php?article=mahram



"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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whoknow? View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote whoknow? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2011 at 4:12pm
alhumidallah!!

thanx sisters, i was very worried, this was actually my interpretation, that a woman's daughter cannot marry her step-father.

it is most likely people wanting to scare me into going back to my husband.

chrysalis, from your list, would a son/daughter be forbidden to marry a stepsister/brother??
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 August 2011 at 7:17am
Originally posted by whoknow? whoknow? wrote:

alhumidallah!!



it is most likely people wanting to scare me into going back to my husband.



Oh and I wanted to comment on that earlier... While Islam doesn't consider divorce ideal - your case was justified (from what I have gathered in your post). There is absolutely no reason why a woman should stay in marriage with an abusive husband! He has no right to physically abuse you.

So, ignore people who try to make you go back to your abusive husband. Your life and wellbieng is more important than a sham marriage. It is also not a healthy environment for your daughter.

May Allah make things easy for you and grant you a pious spouse.

 


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 August 2011 at 7:19am
Originally posted by whoknow? whoknow? wrote:



chrysalis, from your list, would a son/daughter be forbidden to marry a stepsister/brother??


I am not sure about that one sister. I don't think step-siblings (who don't have common birth parents) are mahrams to each other. But I am not sure, you better check that one out.


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote wisdomseeker Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2011 at 9:43am
Assalamu alaikum,

Well..no step siblings cannot marry. As a reference this might help:http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/SH_SL/islamic_law_regarding_marriage.htm

May Allah ease your hardships. Ameen.
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