how to deal with Father-in-law and mother-in-law

faithful wrote: that.i ask my husband many times that u should keep some amount separately so that she can not notice my nominal expenses like clothes ,shoes etc but he refuses and says the he can not be selfish to his father n mother by keeping some amount aside. 2.my father-in -law and mother-in-law  sometimes starts abusing me also abuses my father that is a torture for me.  please give me an islamic and wise answer over that.

Wa'alaikum salaam Sis.

All I can say is 'urrrgh' your in-laws must be from the sub-continent right?

So - emotions aside...

Unfortunately Sis - what advise can we give YOU? The Advise should be for the HUSBAND. We can sit here and discuss your rights & his responsibilities till the cows come home. But at the end of the day - the subjects who have to change the attitudes are the husband & in-laws!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes - it is your husband's responsibility to provide for his parents. And mashAllah you recognize & support that.

But nowhere does it say that Mom-in-Law has to be the Banker! There is no harm in him setting aside a pocket-money/monthly expenses for you. Men have to realize how tense it can be to be under financial pressure and be dependent on asking someone for money whenever you want to spend.

Prophet Muhammad recognized this financial need of women. As is reflected in this hadith:

Once Hind bint 'Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyan, came to The Beloved Rasoolullah  and said:

"O' Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man. What he gives me is not enough for me and my child, unless I take from him without his knowledge."

The Beloved Rasoolullah  told her, "Take what is enough for you and your child, in moderation." (Bukhari & Muslim)

I think this Hadith reflects that a wife has a right on her husband's earnings just as much as his parents. If a wife can spend of her husband's wealth without his knowledge - why can he not set aside an amount for her? Why would your husband think that is wrong?