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marriage problem

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abdi80 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 24 November 2010 at 4:12pm

Salaam Aleikum,

I have problem and I hope you can help me with the help of guidance from the Quran and Sunnah

I want to get married and my parents want me to marry but they wont accept the girl i want to marry becuase she is

from a different tribe. She is a good person and religious and we are really compatible. I have tried and tried to speak

with them  but to no avail. I dont think i will ever recover from this becuase soon or later the girl will go. She cant wait

for me forever as its not fair on her. Her family is ready and she wants to marry me as well. It is mutual. I have given

up with regards to my parents. What does the shariah say about this?? The girl wont marry me unless my parents are

involved. I have not told her the sticking point is her tribe. I think that would hurt her. Please advise  but as I said the

talking is over and to no avail.I have even used my relatives and they have not succeeded

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Hayfa View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 December 2010 at 11:44am
Salaams,

Generally we are taught to obey are parents, and not make  them upsets. The girl is VERY wise not to do this without their consent. Her life would be really unpleasant probably.

And people have their "tribe" mentality especially if you do not.

I wish I had more to offer you. It is hard. I think you COULD Islamically marry her, but honestly, i would be hard. Especially hard on her. The chances of her being accepted by your family is hard. And any decent, religious person, will avoid coming between their spouse and his or her parents.

Keep us posted..

My duas for you
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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abdi80 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abdi80 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 December 2010 at 2:21pm
Thank you.  I agree that it is wise from her point of view, plus she is a woman.  Guy's can sometimes do it.But you said .*People have there tribe mentality*. I think that is where the problems lies. If two people meet and want each other and the vital condition of islam, is established, where both parties carry out there religious duties and the family is a good family, there should be nothing else to look for. Well i hope my parents come to there senses. There is nothing else to do. Thanks again. God bless you.
 
 
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abdi80 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abdi80 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 December 2010 at 2:24pm
Strictly speaking, i have done nothing wrong. I really have not upset them. If anything, i 'm carrying out a sunnah of the prophet and fulfilling all the conditions. If anything the burden is on them, as they deep down they know, they are wrong.  So i dont think the question of upseting parents comes into it. If anything i have read some fatwas where it is permissable for a person to marry in this cirucmstances but generally it is recommended that parents are onboard as it makes things much easier and the coming together of two families.
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shillong View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shillong Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 December 2010 at 6:16am
I think nothing should come in between love I mean when you really love a person so much that you cannot be without him or her than you should follow what your heart says.
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Hayfa View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 December 2010 at 4:19am
I agree the tribe mentality is a problem if it becomes more important than Islam.

How old are your parents? You say you live in the UK, where are they from if I may ask. Often it is difficult across time and space. Say young people grow up in the US, they see nothing wrong with marrying "out of tribe" because their concept of "tribe" is different. They may have friends from all over the world. Whereas their parents grew up and live in a different time and place.

My duas for you.
 
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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abdi80 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abdi80 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 December 2010 at 9:05am
Md dad is 63, and my mum is in her 50's. However my dad is an educated person - former dentist and you would have thought he would know better at least. Its ok. My worry is that no one has contacted the girl's family yet and its been 2 months now.
I will contact a sheikh and request him to come with me home and try and help me. I dont understand why people would make such straightforward thing difficult. It is beyond me.
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abdi80 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abdi80 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 December 2010 at 9:08am

My parents are from somalia and so I'm I. But we are well travelled anyway. We have lived in Suadi, Kenya and and uk for the last 10 years. But it should not matter anyway, they should know better.

The thing is some parents are stuck on this thing and some aren't. Maybe I'm unlucky.
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