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A question for brothers
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fais View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 August 2010 at 11:53pm
Salam and Ramdan kareem to all and dear sister Martha.
 
thnx for the dua,i really love when some do dua for me for kids,jazakallahu khair.may allah bless you in this holy month of Ramadan
 
Regards
Faisal
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fais View Drop Down
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Points: 344 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fais Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 July 2010 at 9:18am

SALAM MARTHA

THNX SISTER,U KNW MY NEW WIFE'S NAME IS ALSO SAME AND HER FATHER'S NAME IS ALSO SAME IN FACT HER UNCLE NAME IS ALSO SAME,WHAT A CO INCIDENT OF MY LIFE.

THHNX FOR UR DUA

REGARDS

FAISAL
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martha View Drop Down
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Walaikum assalam Fais,

I will certainly pray that your new wife can join you soon.
Separation can be really difficult and yes, you and your wife will be happy to start really family life with little ones around.
Work hard and be happy.


some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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fais View Drop Down
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SALAM SISTER MARTHA,

YOUR ADVISES WERE  REALLY HELPFULL TO ME IN MY DIFFICULT TIMES,JUST PRAY THAT I GET VISA FOR MY WIFE,SHE IS SO UPSET THAT I AM NOT ABLE TO CALL HER TO SAUDI,INSHA ALLAH SOON I WILL CALL HER AND FINALLY WILL START A REAL FAMILY LIFE.


Edited by fais - 13 July 2010 at 11:36pm
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martha View Drop Down
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Brother fais,

I am pleased for you that you have moved on and have been able to get over your ex-wife. I believe I said that to you some months back. Time is indeed a great healer.

Salam

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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fais View Drop Down
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dear sister,

All men are not alike,there are such cases,now if you take my case,i did nothing to my ex wife,did whatever she said,and she left me with a very cruel manner.read my post 'I wanna save my marraige' in family matters section when she left me even i thought how can a girl be so cruel.

 
so just pray allah that our daughters and sons and brother sisters get good relegious spouse.dear sister nobody can predict how the prospect will be after marraige so just do dua that this victim get good partner next.only allah can do things right no one else.we can only try.
 
by way of dua in sadka of mohammed s.a.w i feel u r from the sub continenet india pak or bangaladesh,such things are too much in our country.anyways just ask dua dont ask dua in prophet sadqa its bidaa.
 
regards'
Faisal
 
 
 
 
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farheenfatima View Drop Down
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Assalamalaikum,

Thanks Gibbs and sign in reader for ur opinion/advice.

For Gibbs:
1)Cheating has been done not just by the man but his whole family supported him in ruining/messing up the life of a girl for their own selfish gains.

For Sign in reader:

1)A small amt of mehr was given for formality sake.
2)The expenditure borne by girl's family was too huge as the marriage ceremony etc was grand one ........(So, its not just great emotional loss for the girl nd her family but great financial loss too:()(yeah, it is real blunder/mess but when an old woman who shows that she prays 5 times + nafeel nd sits for aitekaaf during Ramzaan nd behaves as if she is a perfect example of 'mother' one does not have an option but to TRUST her....nd that is what was done by girl's parents. Later on she changed colour which was a great SHOCK).
3)It is UPBRINGING and FAMILY VALUES (islam puts great importance on these virtues).....The man's upbringing has been done is such a manner that he is constantly reminded that he is the 'MAN' who can do whatever he wishes nd wants & can play with womens' lives just BECAUSE his 'MOM' believes that ' A man can have as many wives as he wishes to satify is animal instincts and that he should keep travelling nd moving on leaving behind the women he marries after spending a few days/months of 'enjoyment'.

4)Now WHATEVER HAS OCCURRED/DONE HAS BEEN DONE AND IT CANNOT BE UNDONE. So, there is no use of regret EXCEPT that a LESSON can be learnt by many about how not to TRUST EASILY.

5)My question remains unanswered
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i.e: Can a man be so heartless? And afterall men are also 'humans' with heart and emotions..........how can someone be so stone like or without humanity that they dont feel any pain/hurt and instead feel happy at the cost of others pain/suffering?

May Allah subhanahuwataala in the sadaqa of our prophet bless him nd his family nd all such people who enjoy being sadist and make them walk on straight path or siraatul mustakheem.....nd give courage nd strength to the girl nd her family to move on positively..Aameen.





Edited by farheenfatima - 26 June 2010 at 12:01am
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Sign*Reader View Drop Down
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Originally posted by farheenfatima farheenfatima wrote:



1)Does a man (husband in the story written)feel bad or guilty after cheating (ref the story written).

2)Is it so easy for men to forget nd move on to another relationship?

3)Wat do u all(esp all the brothers here) think about the personality/character of the man i.e husband mentioned in the story? and

4)what should the girl do in such a scenario?


Salaam
You fool me once shame on you; you fool me again shame on me! If the Man had taken a Khulla previously...RED FLAG
Stop sign!
You run a stop sign, there is a good chance of mess and that is what they have!

Now let me get some facts straight!

What did she get as Mehr?

As you have mentioned in original post about Masjid Nabvi I reckon this happened in Madina Saudi Arabia! if not where? Some where in subcontinent that is my guess where the arranged marriages take place also!

Q 1 & 2: The world is pretty messed these days with all the unearned freedoms ! BTW the marriage is not relationship!
I would hold the girls and man's parents more responsible for creating this mess! This is called a ghetto mentality man fathering and moving on! It is more a case of immaturity and backwardness!
With the information of "khula" about the man and having son  I wouldn't even shake hand with a man much less give the hand of my daughter or any one I care about. Period...A Muslim is not the one who say I am but the one who practices what Islam stands for ...The person in story are plentiful all over the world, if he is what you described I think it is matter of time that the rope he is running with will hang himself...

The marriage is a contract under the Quraanic rules and no one is supposed to be part of any contract under duress!
No matter how adamant was the man or his family it shows desperation on the  girl's side! When ever any decision is made in desperation it always is a disaster!

Q # 3 There is always a possibility the man could have sadist tendencies! Poor brought up and education!
Some men and some women are not marriage material! We don't have the details to make a call. We don't know the education or family backgrounds etc.

Q #4: Why did the girl agree to marry a divorced dad? if it was the family decision then they need to get her back and support her, take care of therapy, education till she decides the next time ...
It happens and it is hard but still it is not end of the world...Need to have lot more data to advice than what we have now!
So far she is concerned she needs to discuss the "Khulla" thing with her Waqeel/attorney and may pay back some of the Mehr cuz that is the key what did she get as Mehr? But as you said he expects for Khulla that needs the court intervention...It is quite obvious!


Edited by Sign*Reader - 25 June 2010 at 10:01pm
Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.
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