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sana maya View Drop Down

Joined: 07 June 2010
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sana maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: marriage
    Posted: 07 June 2010 at 3:33pm

Hi I have just joined Islamic city forum today, because Im looking for support and advice, I am 29 Bengali, and I have been dating a 38 year old Pakistani man.

Inshallah where heading to stage of marriage as both of us are not getting any younger.

The problem we face is my partners family, He mention to them that he is seeing Bengali girl and wants to marry me, His older sister refused and told him to end the relationship and phone his mother who is using emotional black mail on him.

The situation is he has four sisters and him the only son.

Older sister married to Pakistani guy, middle sister (40) married non-Pakistani man who converted big Muslim wedding marriage did not last divorce.

2 sisters going on to their mid 30's.

He is confused because he does not know what to do; He is worried his mum will never accept us; no one will marry his sisters.

I have so much faith in Allah that with time everyone comes around.

Sisters out there could you please advise me in what I should do.

I love him and want to make this relationship hallah and stop leaving in sin.

What do I do to guide him the right way, he believes if he ends it with me he will marry an any Pakistani girl that wants to marry him just to make his mother happy and so people in community went say anything and his sisters will get married.

He is 38 going to be 39 this year!

Sisters please advice in what I should do to guide him to speak to his mum.

Islamic his mum should not refuse and girl who is of same faith.



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honeto View Drop Down
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Joined: 20 March 2008
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Points: 2487
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote honeto Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:41pm
Salam Sana,
it's a brother in Islam responding. First welcome to the forum, and I insist you to stay and participate.
As far as the issue you brought up, it seems to be a commonly growing issue. Most of South Asians seemed to have mixed up non-Islamic values and customs with Islamic belief, like many other people has done with other religions in other parts of the world. In case of South Asian Muslims  it is due to not fully living with Islamic teachings. The further away we go from teachings of our faith, the more complicated the things become, and we end up tangled with issues and don't know how to fix them.
First, I would suggest to bring yourself in line with Islamic teachings, remember everything begins with the self. Don't make your relationship a prerequisite for becoming a better Muslim later. To a Muslim, in order, the first and most important is to seek the pleasure of Allah. One cannot achieve that if he/she is busy to first please him/herself, and put Allah as afterwards.
If you realize, you are living in sin, you should not wait a second to get out of it, at any cost, even if you loose his relationship.
Second, talk to him the same and convince him what is right and Islamic and help him to understand it.
Third, talk and convince his family, he is the one to talk to them like a man, not a boy without being disrespectful. If they want to be part of it, Alhumdolillah, if no, you have done enough.
Start a strong and Halal relationship by getting married Islamically. If your intention is to please Allah, nothing can go wrong and you have nothing to loose.

May Allah help you and help us all, Ameen.

Edited by honeto - 09 June 2010 at 8:48pm
39:64 Proclaim: Is it some one other than God that you order me to worship, O you ignorant ones?"
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