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Would you marry a women with a child?

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Iuvmasoul View Drop Down
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    Posted: 22 March 2010 at 5:59pm
 
Salaam,
 
Im asking this question for the bothers because I want to hear their answers.
 
Im 24 years old, divorced with a young child. He was american and later converted to Islam but never took it seriously.
 
Since the birth of my son, I have grown up.. a lot I would say. I'm learning more about my faith and just started praying. ( i was not taught how to pray as a child) We got divorced because he did not treat me right.
 
Now, as a single "lonely" mother. I singed up to one of those arabic/islamic dating sites. Where i met at lot of weirdoes, but it gave it something to do when i was bored. ( i don't know many muslims and stopped hanging out with my friends) On the site I did meet one "normal" man, who I really liked and hoped we would get married. He was older then me, about 30 and he had never dated anyone, he was religious, kind,and educated, he seemed like everything I wanted. He flew out to meet me and stayed for the weekend (in a hotel, I didn't stay with him)
 
I was always honest with him regarding my past and my son. After he met me, he decided to tell his parents. He parents thought getting married and having a child right a way would be too much for him to handle. After he spoke with his parents he ended things with me. I was crushed, one because he made it seem like it was my sons fault (i could never, ever choose between my son and potentioal husband) and two because I thought now no one will marry me, because im like a old used toy. (of course I do not look like that, i am fairly good looking, smart, I have good sense of humor) I was so shocked and crushed he took his parents advise.
 
So, I guess in a way i'm venting to you guys and I would like to know your opinion... How do you feel about marrying a divorced women with a child? Does it really factor in? Im sincerely just asking your opinion on this, because i cant seem to get over it.


Edited by icforumadmin - 22 March 2010 at 10:10pm
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haris30432 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote haris30432 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2010 at 4:24am
Salamun Alaikum,
 
I loved reading your post and i must say that you r lucky, in a way that u didnt marry that guy.Im sorry, but y wud a woman ever want to marry a guy who doesnt have his own opinion or understanding or whatever?I personally believe that in this world, there are two kinds of laws that one can follow.One,is GOD's perfect law which makes perfect sense.Two,which is man's unperfect law many of which make absolutely no sense.And in your case,the guy like many, chose to follow man's law.A law, never authorized by GOD.From what i understand from your post,in his culture or whatever,marrying a divorced woman with a child is not right or isnt recommended for a single never-married guy. Now in the eyes of GOD,the criteria is different.If a believing man loves a believing woman,they agree with the dowry,ask permission to parents (as a show of respect or to honour them,their consent is however not necessary) etc marriage is permitted.And one of them having a child from a previous marriage is not an issue.Nowhere in the Quran can u see GOD asking single men not to marry divorced women just becoz they have a child.I know of a Muslim man who is younger than his wife,never married ,handsome and rich but married a woman with not one child but two.And guess what?She is now carrying "his" child by the grace of GOD.They are absolutely in love with each other.There is obviously so much respect between them and Im sure..they will have a wonderful life together as good muslims as they chose to follow ONLY and ONLY God's law.Praise be to him alone.So if you would ask me if i would marry a woman with a child.I would say... Why not???? If thats what GOD wills,so be it.I submit to him and his law not what the world or my culture tells me, not what my parents tell me(if it is against GOD's law),not what anyone tells me.For i know and you know sister,that believers are guaranteed  happiness here and in the here after only because they uphold GOD's law and nothing else and do not setup partners beside himSmile.
 
Peace!
ONE GOD ONE SOURCE OF LAW!
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2010 at 7:14am
"I was so shocked and crushed he took his parents advise."  Really?  Why on earth would he not take his parents advise?  May I suggest that you concentrate, for now, on raising your son, learning your religion, and maybe a career track, if you have not already finished college, and given your good looks, intelligence and sense of humor, a suitable mate should flow naturally.  How long have you been divorced?  With respect to your question about divorced women with children factoring into a marriage decision, of course it factors in, however so does education, religion, age, race, beauty and a whole host of other considerations. 
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Iuvmasoul View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Iuvmasoul Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2010 at 8:06am
Yes, I was shocked because, if two people are right for each other, why do the parents have a say in the relationship. Its the couple that is married, not the parents. I guess, I took his decision personal, and it was kind of a let down that I would be alone.
 
Its been a month or so, since we ended things. So, I have come to terms with being alone. (before I met him) I set goals for myself and Im actively working on them. Im learning who I am as a person. So im glad to be alone..for now. But I do want a family and a partner, and I have certain aspects Im looking for in a husband. But I fear because of my past, I will not be able to find who I am looking for. Due to the fact that must Muslim are so judgmental of ones past and do not take the time to look at someones moral.
 
Btw, I work in health care im currently working on my 2nd degree.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Samir_Abdul Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2010 at 12:27pm
i personally wouldnt have a problem with it..i mean people make mistakes and they grow up, but if i feel like if im truly into you, then it would only be right that i accept your child also...but i hope you take care and find a suitable companion in the future...
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2010 at 6:09am
Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:

"I was so shocked and crushed he took his parents advise."  Really?  Why on earth would he not take his parents advise?  


But Abuayisha, not all parents give good advise ! some give downright unislamic advise which may be wrong Ouch
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2010 at 7:15am
Yeah, no doubt Chrysalis, however, for sake of argument, I'm speaking specifically about the situation in question.  Do you believe it was unislamic advise?
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2010 at 8:26am
Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:

Yeah, no doubt Chrysalis, however, for sake of argument, I'm speaking specifically about the situation in question.  Do you believe it was unislamic advise?


If the parents of that gentlemen objected on the grounds of her having a child, divorced status, and even being a convert - then it could possibly be unislamic advise... 

I have actually seen a case myself where the Parents made their son divorce an American Muslimah-by-birth (same ethnic background) because she spoke too much english at home, couldn't speak the mother-tongue as well and so was causing 'issues' for the in-laws !


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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