PLEASE HELP!!

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   J>R> I think you should not be with this man!!!! He will
absolutely cause you heartache. He is not obviously of strong
character. Love is not enough of a reason to put yourself in harms way.
I garauntee he will end up seeing her after you are together. You
should be strong and get divorced or get it annuled. I don't care what
any of the naive women in here say, you are not obligated to forgive
and forget. You are not a catholic who is sealed to this man forever.
If you think you are desperate now imagine yourself in 3 years with 2
kids and its 1:00 am and you don't know where your husband is!!!! You
as a Muslim woman do not have to stay with someone like him. And let me
tell you my husband has no female friends and does not associate with
any women except those in the office at work. I would absolutley not
accept otherwise. Stand up for yourself sister, and furthermore if you
decide to stay I would tell him only if he sits down with you the Imam
and his parents and he tells the truth. Get it out now!!! P.S>
someone who is horny and in lust with another woman will say anything
and lie to get away with whatever they can.

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Jenni Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705	Post Options Post Reply Quote Jenni Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 July 2005 at 6:57am
	J>R> I think you should not be with this man!!!! He will absolutely cause you heartache. He is not obviously of strong character. Love is not enough of a reason to put yourself in harms way. I garauntee he will end up seeing her after you are together. You should be strong and get divorced or get it annuled. I don't care what any of the naive women in here say, you are not obligated to forgive and forget. You are not a catholic who is sealed to this man forever. If you think you are desperate now imagine yourself in 3 years with 2 kids and its 1:00 am and you don't know where your husband is!!!! You as a Muslim woman do not have to stay with someone like him. And let me tell you my husband has no female friends and does not associate with any women except those in the office at work. I would absolutley not accept otherwise. Stand up for yourself sister, and furthermore if you decide to stay I would tell him only if he sits down with you the Imam and his parents and he tells the truth. Get it out now!!! P.S> someone who is horny and in lust with another woman will say anything and lie to get away with whatever they can.
	You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.

J.R. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 87	Post Options Post Reply Quote J.R. Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 July 2005 at 9:45am
	There is more and more. Now he says he drove out to see her in her town a couple of times since we've been married. Also, he had her in his bedroom twice, not just that one time and that is where he and her used to have a sexual relationship in the past.
	Smile

Jenni Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705	Post Options Post Reply Quote Jenni Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 July 2005 at 11:32am
	Please girl, spare yourself your future. Get out now and any sister who tells you to stay with him is delirious!!!!
	You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.

ummziba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 16 March 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1158	Post Options Post Reply Quote ummziba Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 July 2005 at 11:38am
	Assalamu alaikum, J.R., you are the only one who can utimately make up your mind about what to do. Think long and hard and get as much advice as you can. I am begining to agree with Sister Jenni - the lies just keep being uncovered. It has been my experience that a person like this will just keep on doing what ever is good for him. Think hard about yourself and your future - but please, don't be hasty. (And for sure don't let yourself get pregnant while this is all going on!, as Sister Khadija wisely advised!) If you have a job and can support yourself this makes things a little easier. If not, maybe someone can give you some advice on that. Peace, ummziba.
	Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~

J.R. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 87	Post Options Post Reply Quote J.R. Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 July 2005 at 11:56am
	Wassalam to All, Just hearing from other sisters is helping keep my sanity. I spoke with the Imam from my husband's town who knows my husband. This Imam was at our wedding but he did not marry us, another Imam did it. It is so hard for me because I'm legally blind and can't support mysel alone for much longer. The Imam is is shocked and saddened and he is going to meet with my husband today.
	Smile

Jenni Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705	Post Options Post Reply Quote Jenni Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 July 2005 at 1:04pm
	Girl if you are in the USA you should apply for social security, disability and food stamps. If you became Muslim because you really wanted to be and not because of him, get invovled in your local mosque and ask people for help as much as possible. Maybe you can find someone who will rent you a room in thier house and in the mean time if you are legally blind you should take advantage of all assistance you can from the government. Inshalla in the future you can meet someone who is very religious and stays away from women other than his family ect. That would be better. Peace
	You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.

Lehua Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 04 July 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 37	Post Options Post Reply Quote Lehua Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 July 2005 at 2:46pm
	Assalamu alaikum, Insallah things will become better for you soon. Please take the advice from Jenni & Ummziba, be vary cautious in continuing the marriage and a child will not solve anything. A married man has no reason to be socializing with women other than what is absolutly required of him for work. You have the right as his wife to tell him to cut all relationships/friendships with women, but I would question why he doesn't do it freely? Lehua.

herjihad Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 26 January 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2473	Post Options Post Reply Quote herjihad Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 July 2005 at 7:51pm
	Bismillah, J.R., What help do you need to get out of this very difficult situation? Because you need to. Also, in this unbelievably difficult time, remember that our Lord is Loving and loves you. You deserve a faithful husband, and a good muslim husband. ISA, you will be strong and seek guidance from Allah, SWT. Angel, Your remarks are completely out of line. You are not muslim. J.R. is seeking advise from Muslimahs on a Muslim site. Yes, the devil is the third. I'm glad for you that you did not listen in the situations you mentioned. Just because the devil is there does not mean that people can't ignore him. The devil is the source of evil and darkness who tries to get people to despair and do evil things that will ruin their lives. Goodness and virtue should always be strived for, and God bless anyone who suceeds against the evil in this world.
	Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.