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PLEASE HELP!!

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herjihad View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote herjihad Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: PLEASE HELP!!
    Posted: 29 July 2005 at 7:37am

Bismillah,

J.R., I  think what you said earlier about being cautious and not being with him until he proves he has changed has merit and seems workable for your situation.  As long as you feel he will not harm you physically.  However, he is harming you emotionally and Islamically.  You are important; don't forget!

Most likely he is not going to change and doesn't know how if he wanted to.

Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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Saido View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Saido Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 July 2005 at 6:27pm

Asalamu Alaykum

Sister J.R. I really do feel sorry for you.  The man has disobeyed his Lord and emotionnally hurted you.Whatever you decide ask advice from your Creator-read dua Al-Istikharata and pray Allah's favorite prayer-the night prayer.May Allah help you and you will never regret Allah's help.Ameen.

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J.R. View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote J.R. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 July 2005 at 5:01pm
Assalamu Alaikum,

I know in my heart you are all right. Please keep praying for my strength
and clarity of mind. I have about ten thousand voices in my head. Peace
to you all.

J.R.
Smile
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JulAsif View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JulAsif Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 July 2005 at 1:49pm

J.R.

I have just been reading this thread, and I have to agree with everyone else.  You should divorce him.  What I'm about to say may, or may not apply to you.  I have two friends that are in very unhealthy relationships.  One of my friends is a bit heavy, and she has confessed that she's not sure she could find anybody else (which is crazy..she's wonderful!) Another friend hasn't worked in many years and is afraid she isn't competent enough to gain employment.  These are both self esteem issues that keep them in their unhappy situation.  You mentioned that you have discussed marriage with some other brothers who became discouraged to the idea after you mentioned your disability.  Could it be that you are settling because you don't feel you have many other options?  Usually when women are able to overcome their self-esteem issues and get out of their relationships, they find that it is MUCH better to be alone then living miserably with someone else.  You sound like an intelligent, devout musim woman, and I assure you, Allah will help you find the perfect muslim man to share your life with.  Make the right choice..for yourself and for your faith.

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Noah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Noah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 July 2005 at 3:01am
My dear dear sister. It is with a heavy heart i read this thread.
But here are the facts spelled out for you.

Our brother is a CHEATING, LYING, MANIPULATIVE, ROTTEN TO THE BONE, ***** IDIOT! and you need to leave him imediately.

If you have not consumated marriage yet (had sex) you can just walk up and leave him. If you have however there is a 4 months waiting period where you should keep some contact, and preferebly sort the situation out. The only problem in this regard is that in this case he has broken your trust, several times. What he does is not different from men who beat their wifes and afterwards appologise and feel really bad. He braks your trust, tell you, breaks it again, tell you about it. Does that make him honest? Hell no. that makes him an inconciderate asshole, and is trying to snake his way back in now that his favorite bird is gone. Look sweetheart...you are not number one in his life now, and thus you never will be. If you can accept that, its you choice, but i honestly think you are worth so much more than that, becasue you are my sister, and i love you.

Allah tests us all, but putting up with inconciderate assholes is a test you dont have to take for ANY reason or ANY person.

As for the whole, when to people of the same sex are in a room shaytaan blahblahblah... no, not at all, its nonsense. He had a weak moral character (lack of faith and trust in Allah?) and it manifested itself again and again.

I will pray for you too.

Peace
Noah


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Suleyman View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Suleyman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 July 2005 at 2:12am
Originally posted by Angela Angela wrote:

Suleyman,

You are a wonderful man to take care of your family like you are.  I know God will bless you for your sacrifices.  I was unaware of your language difficulties and I'll be more careful when I read your posts.  As a linguist I understand getting a conversation all mixed up.  To make things funny, there is a word in Chech (or maybe its Slovakian) that means Salt or Salt Shaker, in Polish, the word means lady of not so clean morals.  An old man back home who emigrated here from Chechoslovakia was having dinner with some Polish relatives of mine.  The languages were close enough that they almost could understand each other.  Until he asked for some salt.  My relative thought he was asking him to pass over his wife.    Needless to say, the poor guy got punched and didn't even know why until someone sorted it all out much later.  True Story.  You're a good man Suleyman.

And J.R., drop me an email to that address I sent you.  There are quiet a few college programs for the visually impaired.  I had a college dormmate who was being sponsered by one, they paid for a special monitor and software for her computer, so she could read her textbooks on the screen of her computer.  I'll see if I can find her email and findout who she went through.

Angie

Jazak Allah Khair may Allah bless you too...

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Angela View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angela Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 July 2005 at 1:37am

Suleyman,

You are a wonderful man to take care of your family like you are.  I know God will bless you for your sacrifices.  I was unaware of your language difficulties and I'll be more careful when I read your posts.  As a linguist I understand getting a conversation all mixed up.  To make things funny, there is a word in Chech (or maybe its Slovakian) that means Salt or Salt Shaker, in Polish, the word means lady of not so clean morals.  An old man back home who emigrated here from Chechoslovakia was having dinner with some Polish relatives of mine.  The languages were close enough that they almost could understand each other.  Until he asked for some salt.  My relative thought he was asking him to pass over his wife.    Needless to say, the poor guy got punched and didn't even know why until someone sorted it all out much later.  True Story.  You're a good man Suleyman.

And J.R., drop me an email to that address I sent you.  There are quiet a few college programs for the visually impaired.  I had a college dormmate who was being sponsered by one, they paid for a special monitor and software for her computer, so she could read her textbooks on the screen of her computer.  I'll see if I can find her email and findout who she went through.

Angie



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Jenni View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jenni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 July 2005 at 6:45am
J.R> Please remember that is idea of unconditional love and forgiveness is not an Islamic one. You again are not required to forgive for this type of act. And if you do and bring more suffering on yourself and on your children in the future, you will know that you had the chance stay away from him and did't. If this girl is American, she might not care that he is married and still sneak around with him, that is quite a possibility!!
You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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