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problems in marriage |
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kiny 
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Joined: 20 July 2005 Status: Offline Points: 15 |
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 Topic: problems in marriagePosted: 20 July 2005 at 12:31pm |
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Assalam-o-alaikum,
My husband and I were in a perfect relationship uptil now as we have recently started arguing a lot. The main problem is my depression. Whenever he sees me crying or down, he gets really mad and starts yelling at me. Before, he never yelled at me or said anything hurtful but now instead of understanding my emotional problems, he has started telling me to go back to my parents house blatantly. He feels I was more happy there (which isn't true) and I feel unprotected and homeless when he asks me to leave the house as I have nowhere else to go and I can never go back to my parents house. I have some emotional issues that make me depressed sometimes but he only loves me when I stay happy in front of him and the moment I feel down, he completely transforms from the most loving husband to the meanest husband on earth. It's like he has two sides to his personality, the nicer one is so loving that when he shifts into his darker side, it becomes difficult for me to reason with reality. My parents and sisters live in a different state and I just came back after visiting them for a few days and I was sad as I was missing them, but he couldn't take it and started getting angry at me. I wouldn't deny here that he loves me a lot and does everything I say, but the moment he sees any tears in my eyes, instead of consoling me he starts yelling at me, degrading me and telling me that I don't care about him at all and that I am a self-centered person and the blame game never ends. He even tells me that I am ruining his health and giving him a lot of stress all thanks to my momentary depression. I really don't know what to do as I've always been that way - I get depressed, I cry and then I get over it, but I am not even allowed to shed any tears anymore. I just want to know who's at fault here and how can I plaster a smile on my face all the time when I do feel down from inside? I am very sensitive by nature but my husband has stopped caring about that fact now. I am at the verge of taking the help of anti-depressants because either I take drugs or either my relationship will die. We are also trying to start a family and all this is hurting me emotionally as well as physically.
I would like to know if any of you have gone through a similar situation and if there's any dua that I could recite that would take away my depression and also stop the devil from making us initiate these meaningless fights that have started to poison our relationship.
Thanks in advance.
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Jenni
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Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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Posted: 21 July 2005 at 7:04am |
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You should absolutely consider taking medication, there is no shame in
it. Also make sure you are getting enough exercise and eating right.
You need to be in the sunshine at least 20 minutes a day with you head
and arms ect exposed so find a private place. Exposure to sun is very
important for women to boost the seritonin levels in the brain and lift
thier spirits. It sounds to me dear like you have a serious chemical
imbalance in the brain. And as for your husband men can only tolerate
so much emotion and crying and then they start to tune you out. If he
sees you taking medication and making an effort to change he will plug
back in to you Inshalla.
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You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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MayPB
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Joined: 21 July 2005 Status: Offline Points: 75 |
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Posted: 22 July 2005 at 9:57pm |
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Salam, The last reply seems to be good advice, have you also been to the doctor for a physical? Men are very black and white, do you think you may be expecting him to be your "girl buddy" and not your husband? Do you think that your husband works hard to make you happy and that it is hard on him to see you so unhappy? It really doesn't seem fair to expect a husband to be completely consoling his wife that is crying all the time. My advice would be read the "proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, and make an appoointment with your doctor to see if there is a medical problem causing to be in so much drama. |
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Nausheen
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Female Joined: 10 January 2001 Status: Offline Points: 4251 |
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Posted: 22 July 2005 at 10:31pm |
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Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem, Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim,
Is this a part of cure for depression? It seems you have never been around someone who is clinically depressed, or you would not have called it "so much drama". Kiny, you should take sister Jenni's advise. Indeed depression is a medical problem, where the brain chemistry goes wrong and a doctor can decide what is best to do, depending on how bad your case is. Depression could be due to certain circumstances, and there must be certain key triggers. If you can identify these, it would be helpful to deal with them, either you avoid or get rid of those. "Wanunazzilo minal qurani ma huwa, shafaun wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wala yaziduzzalimeena, illa khasara." This is an ayat from the quran(chapter 17), and is said to be useful for depression. For a dua to work one needs to trust that allah will provide the remedy thru that dua, or it does not have full effect. If you recite this insha allah it will help you. The Quran says that in the rememberance of allah do hearts find tranquility. May allah give you shafa, and strength insha allah. Maa salaama, Nausheen Edited by Nausheen |
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
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kiny
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Joined: 20 July 2005 Status: Offline Points: 15 |
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Posted: 24 July 2005 at 9:56am |
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Thanks Nausheen for the dua and for all of you who replied to my post. I understand that depression needs to be cured medically and am willing to do that now but sometimes I feel that maybe this depression is caused by my husband himself. He's turning into a heartless person day by day...every little thing we discuss becomes an ego problem for him as he gets offended by everything and then he yells at me insanely and makes me feel as if I have done something wrong. He knows very well that i am alone here i have no family here and no friends (it;s a long complicated story) but he still doesn't care a bit anymore. In the beginning he was the perfect husband but now even if he's at fault he never comes up to me to say sorry and i am the one who always has to initiate the conversation after each fight and am truly getting sick of it. To top it all of, we have an age difference of seven years and probably thats causing trouble between us. He thinks i dont respect him, but how can he expect respect from me when he;s always yelling at me? I am a wife but I am a human too and I have started feeling realy unhappy from inside...I have promised him that i'll work on my depression and i am already trying but i can't do that unless he also does some compromise...thanks for your help and keep me in your prayers...
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Suleyman
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Joined: 10 March 2003 Location: Turkey Status: Offline Points: 3324 |
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Posted: 24 July 2005 at 10:24am |
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Es_Selam'un Aleykum Sister Kiny, Sister, i think you should meet with Sister Passiflora who is well at depression,she helped my mother to much also to me while i was doing my military obligation inside the mad soldiers...let me show where she is...may Allah recover your health.... http://www.floridata.com/ref/p/passiflo.cfm
Edited by Suleyman |
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kiny
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Joined: 20 July 2005 Status: Offline Points: 15 |
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Posted: 24 July 2005 at 10:29am |
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Suleman, Even before I start curing depression, my husband has to start compromising...what if my depression is related to his behavior which i strongly believe it is...if his attitude remains the same and i end up curing my depression, it's going to start all over again because hes the kinda person who wants to have a perfect wife who will just say yes to everything and never utter her own opinion about anything |
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Suleyman
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Joined: 10 March 2003 Location: Turkey Status: Offline Points: 3324 |
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Posted: 24 July 2005 at 10:32am |
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Sister,may be you should both drink Passiflora at the same time then no one will remain as in the past,trust me...Sister Passiflora is well at helping to others at the same time..we appreciate her works.. |
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MayPB wrote: