Husband Issues

Asalaam Alaikum,

How old is he?? Maybe it does not matter.. If he is mad at how you cut your potatoes.. well... seriously is this his level of thinking??? Its a potato...

Maybe you should sweetly ask him to show you how to cut a potato.. honestly.. I am trying to be helpful.

But really we are all going to die and he is worried about if you cook like his mama??? He needs to speak to other men who are married..

Besides you are under no obligation to chop his potatoes..

I certainly would not put up with being yelled at... that is a big NO NO.

Maybe buy him a bucket of potatoes and ask him to demo.. and you need to see them ALL Chopped..

  Asslamu Alaikum

  Sister Salam, I completely understand your situation and feel of you. My brother did the same with his wife and we use to blame him for that.
Food or cooking is not important for a happy family. There are more important issues for being happy and satisfied. Your hubby has to see this point soon or later. But as Pati said these problems are common for the new married couples.
  Just be more patient and take your time to know each other.

  I also hope you try to impress him by your own taste. Be more patient and try not discuss with him his mom's way of cooking. Make him mindful with your new taste any way of cooking.  Get more cooking books and learn new dishes his mom sure doesn't know.  Search the web and look for Iranian cooking forums. Of course do not show him you are learning or trying to improve yourself. Smile and calm down when he gets mad. Show him your love to him. Get him a way from the cooking discussing.
I do not see the point in  making troubles because of cooking. Life is big. We should not be limited and narrow in our thinking.

  There are many women I know who are chefs but they are not happy in their lives.


  Sister do not let him make you lose your self confidence.  Because this happened to my cousin. She lost her patience and hated herself. Do not do her mistake. Look at your own good qualities. Your family and friends had tasted your food and liked it so you are fine.

  Here I got you some Iranian Cooking Books:

 1-   http://www.amazon.com/New-Food-Life-Ancient-Ceremonies/dp/0934211345

   2- http://www.farhangsara.com/foods.htm

   3- http://www.mage.com/cookbooks.html

   I hope you like that.

  and sister please forgive me for telling this. I really want to help you. 
 I do not mean any harm but I know so many men think in that way in my society. I would like to share you this.
   My brother is divorced. He got married two times and end with divorce. May Allah keep you and your hubby to gather for ever.
  The first wife did not know how to boil an egg. She was very spoiled. I liked her but here I am telling the truth. She used to sleep the whole day and wake up at night. He brings the dinner from a restaurant and they have it together. but the thing is that he loved her so much and cares for her a lot. They lived in this way 5 years. We were really surprised; living with  the restaurant food. After that a serious problem with his friend made her request divorce. She was mad until he decided to do what she wanted. 
   After one year he got married to another woman. The surprise is that after short time he did serious problems guess why? He said she doesn't cook  very yummy. He wants her to be a chef.  He wakes her early to prepare the breakfast and  wants her to cook 3 meals while I know my brother very well he does not care for food at all. He can eat any thing. But because he doesn't like something with this one he is looking for cooking, the clean home and tiny  things.
  I see when a man doesn't like something in the woman he followed her tiny mistakes to show her he has an excuse to blame her.
  Sister I do not mean you. I am looking with you for possible reasons.
 When a man likes a woman he will not have the time to focus on cooking or blame her for the house furniture. He likes her own good qualities. But when he is  bored of her for some reason. he start looking for silly excuses to blame her: the cooking- the tidy rooms- the clothes- the kids and so on  so that when he leaves her she sees that was her own fault. Believe me when a man likes a woman it has nothing to do with cooking or house work.
 May be your men differ but so many men here use this trick to be away of being not fair.
  And this happens  a lot when the man thinks that his wife  is just boring. I can not go farther than that.
  But for example some women are really boring!!   Frankly, they do not know how to deal with the men. So put in your schedule reading books about family life and how to treat men. This will help a lot.

    Please stay with your  hubby and discuss everything in your family life. What he likes and what he dislikes. Do not ignore any part in your life.

      I hope I helped you.  You are my sister in Islam. I do not mean  any harm and forgive me if I did without my intention.


 

  


Edited by Full of Hopes - 13 September 2009 at 9:32pm

As Salamu Alaikum Salaam123,Welcome to the forum,Pati and Hayfa has a good point,try asking him.F.O.H also have a good point you two are newly weds(Alhamduillah) and you should get to know eachother better(likes,dislikes).In Islam there is no dating(without Wali)and there might not be this form of dating at all for some.I think that it is very important to know if someone(husban or wife) has annoying habbits,mude swings,if they are abusive(men or women)the problem in Islam you dont know alot of these things until you are married.Anyways Trust in Allah and everything will work out.