First Wife in Polygamy

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   [QUOTE=Pati]  

But I believe that lot of the cases where the husband is abusing, are coming from this situations where he is not pleased, maybe not feeling enough for his wife... and I am talking about general situations in the marriage, not only about muslims.

I will make an example: in old times, the women didn't say in public that their husbands where bitting them because the society where not caring about it, or, what is worst, the people reaction was to say "she should have done something really bad". The real problem, sometimes, is not what you want to do, you may have clear ideas, the real problem is the answer of the society. [/Quote]

Yes. All the above are examples of cultural taboo, social supression, and age-old notions . . . something Islam goes against. The answer to these problems for muslim societies would be to get in touch with the essence of Islam. Ahadith and Prophetic traditions teach muslim men chivalry and responsibility.

 Is the same with the hijab or other muslim traditions. I see everyday girls in the bus, coming back home and putting hijab, removing make up... why they don't have the chance to go this way at home? Because maybe their parents would not accept them.

Leaving the hijab aside, would you say parents should accept kids no matter how they behave? They shouldnt try to intervene and fix things? If a parent bans makeup for a young pre-teen - I would fully support them. As parents, it is thier duty to make sure that thier daughter/son make age-appropriate, situation-appropriate decisions. Non-Muslim parents would also not accept thier kids behaving in a particular way, and influence thier children. 

Extremism however is bad. Everyone here agrees. 

OK, but if the woman loves the first husband, why she has to renounce to him because he is sterile? Why the husband has the chance to have to wives because the first one cannot get children, but on the other side, the woman doesn't have the same choice? It's not fair, again. Don't you think? 

Islamic Polygamy exists to solve collective, social problems. Not to please or cater to a particular gender or individual. 

Unfortunately, mutilple marriages for women dont solve social problems the way polygyny does. One woman marrying 2 men is inefficient allocation of social resources (couldnt come up with any other terminology! :p ). 

Also, rules, laws, regulations are made/created to adderess the needs of a majority as a whole - they are not made to cater to exceptions. The scenario you explained, is an exception. Which Islam gives a solution to - but not the same solution as would be for a man, since variables involved are entirely different.

Yes, normally the husband is maintaining the wife, but in the current times, it may be possible that the wife is earning more money... what about this situation where a woman can maintain two men?

Now we are suggesting that the entire social structure be changed, in order for a woman to marry 2 men - simply so that it sounds fair to us on an emotional level. Since a male really has no purpose in life, except to father children (from a stricly biological perspective - no offence brothers) - Islam tells the man to earn and mainain his family. It is unfair to ask a woman to maintain 2 men. Why should the woman maintain 2 MEN, when it is the men who should be maintaining her? What is the man's role and responsibility then? We are asking the woman to do extra, since she is already responsible for giving birth to a family, providing maternal support, not to mention the fact that she has certain biological processes going on - which are a setback.

 I gave an example in an earlier post - about a lady who is a 2nd wife. She is a professional, was controller of examinations in a renowned university. Currently she is studying abroad - her husband is financing her (though she has her own money). She is more involved in the life of the 1st wife's son than the latter lady - due to her experience and education. 

Yes, but that example is supporting what I want to say: the second wife is a professional woman, independient... while the first one is depending on the husband.

My question is if two professional and independent women would accept to share their husband. Would they do? 

The fact that Polygyny is an exception - gives us few examples to choose from. I myself never met a polygynous lady until couple of months ago. Some people never do. In the gulf however, educated, professional women have no issues with polygyny.

Also, this lady is professional and used to earn - but her husband supports her financially. She simply works for the experience/self satisfaction. So, its not like she is not depending on her husband. . . she is. Both women depend equally on him. Not because they have to. But because they choose to.

Edited by Chrysalis - 14 June 2009 at 11:25pm