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A Major Issue for Me

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mansur89 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 12 April 2009 at 10:39pm
Ok I just recently did nikah or katib kitab with my husband. I am having a major problem with my mother, she is having a very hard time trying to let me go seeing I am her first and only daughter. Every time I go out with my husband she is worried about me wanting to know what I am doing and where I am going, and sometimes tells me to come home at a certain time. She knows I am with my husband, but I dont know why everything is a problem to her. But sometimes I forget to inform her, and she gets really upset, I tell her I am out with my husband and she gets even more upset. It is really fustrating for me, because I do not know what to say to her. I read in Islam once a woman is married under the rules of Allah (nikah), she must obey her husband etc... But I am unable to get through to my mother because I dont want to upset her. What should I do?Confused
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Hayfa View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 April 2009 at 10:06am
Salaams,
 
Welcome to the forum..
 
Do you live with your parents?  Ddi you not go out when you lived with them-school etc.?
 
Can you dad talk to her? Yes you are right thatyou are now obedient to your husband...
 
My duas are with you..
 
Hayfa
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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lovesakeenah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lovesakeenah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 April 2009 at 3:09am
As-ssalaam alaykum warahaamtullah
 
There's moderation in Islam and there're boundries for certain things.Am sorry to tell you what you already know...your mother's infringing on your privacy and she needs to be reminded that when you are married,you "no longer" take orders from your"parents"..perhaps,you may make her understand that her relationship with your father was not under her mother or anyone's 'scrutiny'..You cannot and are not"allowed" to displease your husband because you want to"always" please your mother especially when it's not"necessary".the blessings of Allah is taken away from a woman who deliberately makes her husband angry until he is pleased with her.You are also not allowed to even discuss"every" bit of your relationship with your mother.Just be polite in making your mother see reasons and understand you need"your space".you need to handle it with maturity and caution because it could strain your relationship with your husband.I do not think any man would like that his mother-in-law's "watching over his shoulders"...would you?
May Allah forgive me wherever I have erred and may He make it possible o set the bounderies He has permitted.
"I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything".
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 April 2009 at 5:25am

Salamualaikum...

Just a bit confused. . . do you mean that your Nikah is done - but you are still living with parents, and have not yet moved in with your husband?
 
Sounds like you are still young, how old are you? Was it a proper, official Nikaah?
 
Anyway - if my assumption is correct - and you are still living with your parents, and have not moved in with hubs yet . . . then:
 
Your mom is responsible for you - because you are still living under her roof. Until you move in with your husband, and he starts to care for you - you are still your mom's responsiblility. If something goes wrong or whatever, your husband can say that ur mom was responsible etc.
 
So its natural for mom to worry about you. Dont take it too hard. But natural, you need to inform her if u are running late, or went out with him. . .
 
Yes he is officially your husband, etc etc - but until you move in, or he starts to support you financially as his wife - you still need to consider your mom's feelings in the matter.
 
Also better to refrain from intimacy etc until you start living together as husband and wife - to avoid complications.
 
If you both wish to start your life together - have him accept your responsibility and move in - with ur mom's blessing. Something tells me she will be perfectly ok with u guys going wherever, whenever.
 
 
 
 
 
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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