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Arranged-Marriage Series
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seekshidayath View Drop Down
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Points: 3357 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote seekshidayath Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 February 2009 at 3:47am
As Salamu Alaikum
 
My vote goes for arranged ones. I see them work out. Arranged marriages in Islam gets arranged only when they get consent from both {boy and girl}. While the talks are on, eventually  both get to know each other thru there families. If situation demands, they can meet each other in presence of mahrams and know each other.
 
While the latter type of marriage is forbidden, as they may get involved in sinful activities like, meeting eachother without mahrams, talks over phone, dating, violation of rules of hijab {both men and women}, hurting elders '{as they dislike} etc etc. How can a life-long relation be based over sinful start up. How do we expect Allah swt to bless such relation ?
 
So am for arranged ones.Smile
 
 
 
 
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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Hayfa View Drop Down
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  I know my opinion doesn't matter but if choice of the woman is involved, what is the purpose of arranged marriage?
 
Hi Hyposonic,
-the arranged marriage is about letting families do the investigation of each other, and the man and woman involved.
-As Seeks said both can get to know each other in the proper circumstances
-Both must consent
 
What they do is eliminate:
1. people meeting alone / in private
2. the girl and boy having to do all the work of shifting through the "data" so to speak. Think about the round about dating style that we have in the west. How many people "looking" for Mr./ Ms Right." The distress and heartache. The free and easy "private  time."
 
Some arranged marriages fail and we know plenty of unarranged marriages that dont.
 
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Hyposonic View Drop Down
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Points: 247 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hyposonic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 February 2009 at 7:39pm

"the arranged marriage is about letting families do the investigation of each other, and the man and woman involved."

So what if the family diapproves someone of a different tribe, or race, and the potential mate rejects the family, isn't there a risk of the family disowning them? If such is the case how do families (or in this case parents) know what is good for the daughter/son?
 
"As Seeks said both can get to know each other in the proper circumstances"
 
Undertsandable, but in dating relationships consenting adults can (and do) meet at proper places (such as the library, college campuses etc) and still have a meaningful and fruitful discussion.
 
"1. people meeting alone / in private"
 
This is understandable, as I could see such prohbition as a way to curb potential rapist or those who wish to commit harmful acts.
 
"2. The girl and boy having to do all the work of shifting through the "data" so to speak. Think about the round about dating style that we have in the west. How many people "looking" for Mr./ Ms Right." The distress and heartache. The free and easy "private  time."
 
 
This is your opinion, but some people like dating and for some, dating is not always a headache. I've dated and continue to date and I don't find a headache at all. Some of my friends however do because they don't want to emotionally involved and having the relationship possibly falter.
 
Just because consenting adults are alone doesn't mean they will do sinful acts. If such is the case then perhaps those elderly couples in the west that have been married 40+ years were doing something wrong.
 
I understand the Islamic position of marriage however, as I do see it as a helpful to bring a man and woman together, but the reasons for such I may not understand.
 
 
 
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JihadX View Drop Down
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yes I also agree it seems unbelievable if you are from a western country. However, now that I talk to different people about how they became married, i understand. Dating leads to intimacy before marriage so it should not be done. This is how all the american girls are pregnant at age 13 and do not know who the baby's father is..Islam prevents this and makes the world a better place!
�The knife that slaughtered the guards at Bagram and set us free is now on its way to other places,�
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Hayfa View Drop Down
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Points: 2368 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2009 at 9:48am
Hi Hyposonic,
 
Yes it is a very different world.. millions of people arrange marriages all over the world.
 
So what if the family disapproves someone of a different tribe, or race, and the potential mate rejects the family, isn't there a risk of the family disowning them? If such is the case how do families (or in this case parents) know what is good for the daughter/son?
 
Well the children don't "pick" their mate so family disapproving is not that type of issue. Keep in mind that when someone marries you really marry the "family" People are close and depend on each other for survival. Those same people will need each other.
 
And meeting is ALL about marriage. Not for anything else. Its about the foundation of finding a good spouse to raise a familly. And for the most part, most marriages DO workout.
 
But its a different world. You are right.  
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Shasta'sAunt View Drop Down
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Originally posted by Hyposonic Hyposonic wrote:

I know my opinion doesn't matter but if choice of the woman is involved, what is the purpose of arranged marriage? I don't know, I prefer a woman's choice without family or cultural involvement. I see some of that between Irish and Scots!
 
An arranged marriage doesn't mean that the parties have no say, but rather that the families investigate, find suitable matches, then arrange meetings between the possible spouses and families.
 
If they don't like each other they don't have to get married.
 
I have dated western style and had an "arranged" marriage, although after I became a Muslim it wasn't my family but my wali and his wife who did the grunt work Smile, and frankly arranged is much easier, less heartache, and there is a measure of safety because you know that both parties are serious and looking for marriage.
 
In fact, I just told them what I wanted and expected from a husband, and other than my meeting prospective brothers, that's all I had to do.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt
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Sign*Reader View Drop Down
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Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:

Originally posted by infomagination infomagination wrote:

Salaams and hi
 
please dont go down that route. I am a living example that arranged marriages dont work in this day and age.
 
 
What does work?
  Match making........

Edited by Sign*Reader - 09 February 2009 at 2:36pm
Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.
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Hyposonic View Drop Down
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Points: 247 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hyposonic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2009 at 8:57am
"Dating leads to intimacy"
 

This is untrue, and where did you get this idea? In my own personal experience I�ve dated plenty and the only time I was intimate was receiving a kiss on the cheek.

 

"This is how all the american girls are pregnant at age 13 and do not know who the baby's father is..Islam prevents this and makes the world a better place! "

 

This is ridiculous. I�m not American, but I�m sure some American reading this can perhaps speak on their opinion but in my country dating is the norm and meeting decent people is a reality. As far as the young girls getting pregnant and not knowing the �child�s father� as you put it may be a phenomena typical in American culture  but I�ve had [in my experience] seen no such issues. I�m sure similar issues are in Muslim countries but not talked about assuming that religious families would most likely disown their daughter for having pre-marital sex and ruining her �honor.� Unless you can speak on the 300 million plus Americans you shouldn't make those assumptions.
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