Arranged-Marriage Series

Here's a scholarly opinion on how much a man can see of the woman he's intending to marry- 

Looking at other than the face and hands of the woman he wishes to propose to
*Please appropriately reference this fatwa to: www.fatwa-online.com, thankyou!*
Question: Is it permissible for a man to look at other than the face and hands of the woman he wishes to propose to, such as looking at her hair and her neck?

Response: That which is apparent to me, and Allaah knows best, is that this is permissible without a previous agreement. He (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said that which means:

((If anyone�s heart settles on proposing to a woman, then he can look at that which will lead him to marry her)), [Translators note: This is the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn �Abdillaah (radhi-yallaahu 'anhu) who said: The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:

((If any of you has proposed to a woman, and if he is able to look at that which will lead him to marry her, then he should do so))]

As regards a previous agreement, then it is not permissible to look at more than the face and hands.

Shaykh al-Albaanee
Fataawa Muhimmah li-Nisaa. al-Ummah � Page 138

 

Wow! Didn�t expect such detailed responses. I will have to break up my responses in order to appropriately address everyone.

 

Chrysalis,

 

What do you mean by common methods [e.g. dowries] ?

Forgive me as the word methods, is confusing and not grammatically accurate in that context. I meant to say traditional gifts that are different among different ethnic peoples in these regions. For instance a Sudanese farmer may trade a certain amount of farm animals as a gift in exchange for the union between his son and another farmer�s daughter, or vice versa [or however it works]. Or, we can say a bedouin man may want to marry his daughter to another Bedouin [from a different clan] for political reasons. What I�m saying here is that arrange marriages even among Muslims are different in how they go about. It is not always systematic as you guys have made it [meaning, the family being go-betweens the man and woman or a Wali accompanying a woman].

 

"This hadith is enough proof that Islam does not approve of the practice"

 

I have no doubt Islam prohibits forced marriage but I guess where I�m coming from is how much of it is actually practiced in the world? Of course there are no statistical reports as to what is considered forced and actually choice. Isn�t it possible a family can actually force their child to choose but making it look like it�s not force? Just a thought.

 

"In another hadith, the Prophet made clear that ladies should not be married without being consulted first. Abu Hurairah quoted the Prophet as saying, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her, and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." (Al-Bukhari).

 

I have no doubts here.

 

 

Saladin:

 

"It is permissible for a Muslim man to see the woman to whom he intends to propose marriage before taking further steps so that he can enter into the marriage knowing what is ahead for him. Otherwise, if he has not seen her before marriage, he may not find her looks to his liking and may have regrets after he is married to her. The eye is the messenger of the heart; when the eyes meet, the hearts and the souls of man and woman may meet as well."

 

This is all I wanted to know.

 

There seems to be two aspects to the discussion:

1.What is Islamically correct and what may or may not be happening by people today.There are guidelines and rules in Islam for finding a spouse. Being alone in not an option.

2. Yes Muslims are not perfect. There are issues because people will mess up. Some abuse and use.  That happens even in dating relationships. Abuse of women runs through all societies.

3. in the end it is a difference of moral codes. Period. Dating as in the west is prohibited in Islam.